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Original poster

To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

456 replies

Balistapus · 16/04/2014 23:19

I know some families do this, kissing children on the mouth, but I think it's wrong.

PIL came for a visit last week and when they left they both kissed DD, 8 months, on the mouth. I was too shocked to say anything, but feel very uncomfortable about it.

How/ when do I broach the subject with them?

OP posts:
Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 21:22

And nibble chins.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 21:23

GPs nibble chins too.

RufusTheReindeer · 18/04/2014 21:28

how

Agree with the bums comment

Ds1 (now 15) Wont let me near him, or dd

But ds2 (10) sometimes forgets and lets his guard down Smile

slithytove · 18/04/2014 21:29

My mum left the other day after a 3 week visit. I said to DS "kiss Nanna goodbye" and he went in for a big sloppy kiss on the lips. 12 months old. It was just lovely. He chose to give her that affection, it wasn't forced, and I know it made her happy as she won't see him until June.

He was not being sexual.

People of course are within their rights to dislike this happening and not have people kiss their kids. But it's unfair to say its "committing a sexual act" because that condemns a hell of a lot of people in a very judgemental way.

AvoidingEasterDIY · 18/04/2014 21:31
Hmm
goingmadinthecountry · 18/04/2014 21:41

TOTALLY nub. Knob of bil kissed dd1 then 1 on lips. Next day had a cold sore. She picked up herpes virus from him. Dd1 is now 20 and now still has virus from stupid crappy family habit. Bad germs, yuk and unnecessary.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 21:44

Oh come on!!!!!!

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 21:46

going

How do you know it was actually your bil who caused it. Just because he was the only one you saw kissing her on the mouth doesn't mean he was.

slithytove · 18/04/2014 22:53

Was that for me easter

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/04/2014 23:13

I can guarantee that not one person outside of my household has ever kissed my almost 6 month old on the lips,it does not surprise me that other parents know whose kissing their baby

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 23:26

Never left a family member alone with your 6 month old? If you have then no, you can't guarantee it. Babies as I recall can be very kissy themselves and don't tend to go for an air kiss. It's a split second thing.

Howmuch101 · 18/04/2014 23:29

ali my 12 month old 'kisses' with an opened-mouth lunge.

I might tell the GPs to not go near her Hmm

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/04/2014 23:31

Best you do that Howmuch and you should have a stern talk with her about how inappropriate she is being Grin

slithytove · 18/04/2014 23:35

All these 12 month olds about committing sexual acts. It's practically an epidemic.

sykadelic · 19/04/2014 01:30

I agree with those that said it's weird, but to make sure you don't think I'm accusing you of paedophilia, I also find extreme attachment parenting, extended breast-feeding, religion... a whole bunch of stuff "weird". It's just not something I'd do. I won't be kissing my kids on the lips and will be asking that others don't kiss them on the lips either (plus I've seen what some kids put in their mouth!!)

As a consequence, I've given this some thought as well. I would say something like: "We haven't had a chance to talk to you yet about some choices we're making about raising our child/ren. One of them is that we do not kiss our kids, or allow them to be kissed by others, on the lips. I appreciate it's something that you do, but like a dietary or religious choice, this is a choice we've made so we'd appreciate if you'd respect it. On the cheek or forehead or hand is of course fine".

You could try raising it as a germ issue if you like as well. As in, if other people kiss them on the lips, they'll kiss others and other kids and pass on sickness more often.

I see it no different to any other parenting choice. I shouldn't have to let you do something that I disagree with simply to avoid offending you.

JohnCusacksWife · 19/04/2014 02:09

Christ, if is a mission the lips is "committing a sex act" I'm expecting a knock on the door from Social Services any minute. Tonight I had two naked DDs (9 & 7) bouncing on the bed, followed by a tickling session, followed by raspberries on the tummy/underarms/bums/anywhere (almost).

We are tactile, open, loving and carefree with our DDs and they are with us. To view giving your kids a peck on the lips as sexual in any way is inexplicable to me and, frankly, also insulting since, by implication, you're saying that I'm being sexually inappropriate with my children.

JohnCusacksWife · 19/04/2014 02:10

Kiss on ...not mission!

zeebaneighba · 19/04/2014 03:57

Haven't read the full thread but I'm firmly in the yuck camp and would be asking nicely for anyone kissing my kids lips to not do so.

Not because it's sexual or weird, but because it can transmit viruses and illnesses, including meningitis which is fast-moving and very serious. Am I being precious? I don't think so - a girl at my school contracted meningitis, went home with a headache and was dead by morning.

Public health education at school was to avoid sharing drink bottles, chapsticks etc, so why would unnecessarily kissing babies/kids lips be any different? Just because it's well-intentioned doesn't make it a good or safe thing to do.

squoosh · 19/04/2014 04:00

Yes, you're being precious.

squoosh · 19/04/2014 04:07

'Public health education at school was to avoid sharing drink bottles, chapsticks etc, so why would unnecessarily kissing babies/kids lips be any different? Just because it's well-intentioned doesn't make it a good or safe thing to do.'

So would I be right to presume you've never kissed anyone in your life? What's that, you have kissed many people? Then why do you have such a hang-up with this particular demonstration of affection?

The 'public health' spiel is a front. At least admit that to yourself.

zeebaneighba · 19/04/2014 04:14

Interesting that teaching my children not to share spit in line with govt health guidelines is precious, but whatever. Clearly you haven't had much experience with this illness - not all carriers contract it themselves but can pass it to others - through saliva from kissing, coughing, sneezing and sharing utensils/bottles.

It's been huge in my home town with several school-age deaths in the area. As it is I know one who died, another who very nearly did and 2 yrs later is still experiencing blinding headaches, weakness on one side of her body and impaired vision, and another who was hospitalized. This wasn't an outbreak by the way, these incidents were over a number of years. Why on earth would you risk that for your child when hugs, kisses on the cheek etc are just as good?

zeebaneighba · 19/04/2014 04:19

Nope, I kiss, but to a select few on the mouth. I wouldn't consider allowing my 100+ relatives invites to sharing spit with my kids when other affectionate gestures are just fine. When they're older they can choose their own risks, but for now quite frankly I think insisting on mouth kisses for anyone who wants to without the child's knowledgeable consent is ridiculous.

squoosh · 19/04/2014 04:25

Sharing spit?

Good grief, what are you on about? I don't think any of the grandparents mentioned in the thread are sharing spit. They are giving their grandchildren a peck on the kips.

zeebaneighba · 19/04/2014 04:27

Kissing on the mouth that I've seen between adults and babies in particular tends to be - shall we say - sloppy? That would be spit sharing.

squoosh · 19/04/2014 04:31

'but for now quite frankly I think insisting on mouth kisses for anyone who wants to without the child's knowledgeable consent is ridiculous.'

Who is insisting?? It seems you've been reading a different thread. No one is enforcing their kisses on a child. Obviously no right minded person would condone that. This is about that parents and their neuroses.

What about the many small children who insist that only a kiss on the kips will do? Should we tell them no?