To not want PIL to kiss DD on the mouth

[Balistapus]

I know some families do this, kissing children on the mouth, but I think it's wrong.

PIL came for a visit last week and when they left they both kissed DD, 8 months, on the mouth. I was too shocked to say anything, but feel very uncomfortable about it.

How/ when do I broach the subject with them?

As an in law, I have never been in any battle over my niece! I don't have any battles to pick from. Unless the parents were massively incompetent, why would you want to do something contrary to their wishes?

Good post Slithy

Slithy exactly.

Great post slithy. Very rational.

Gosh I didn't this was such a contentious issue. Some people kiss family on the mouth, others don't. I'm.sure the PIL will be fine to respect the OPs wishes if it is raised in a sensitive manner. Clearly the OP has her reasons.
I personally don't kiss family on the lips and don't feel my relationship with them has suffered :)

slithy You have very good words :)

BookFairy RTFT

I have thanks :)

The OP feels v strongly about it and has perhaps gone off track, but the main point surely is that she doesn't like people kissing the baby on the lips?

almond it's more that the parents should choose their battles. As the OP should in this case. Is it worth the potential fall out and hurt feelings to raise this with the GP? Only she knows. I would caution against making any references to a "sexual act" though. That would be extremely damaging.

So in your case almond, let's say you did let your niece scamper about naked on a beach, and the parents had an issue with this (how do you know until it's raised), I would consider whether as a parent it was a big enough problem to mention. If you are at the beach every day and niece is getting sunburned on her bum, I would consider it. If the beach is a once a summer sort of thing and she is naked for twenty minutes while getting changed, I probably wouldn't bother exerting my parental rights as it were.

As parents we have the final say of course. However I find that with GP especially, there are many things we might disagree on. Mentioning the one which is non negotiable is much more rational than mentioning ten which probably don't matter all that much.

like it is non negotiable for my mum to leave my DS in a shitty vest just "because it had dried". But that's another thread.

How does your DH feel about it op? Does he think his parents are committing sex acts on your child?

slithy well said. Where were you earlier when we needed a sensible post? (Mind you, I think the OP would have ignored you anyway)

I was on this thread right at the start, supporting the OP in her parental wishes despite being a lip kisser we all make mistakes

I decided to shut up when it entered the realms of having sexual intonation, my head was spinning and clearly nothing will make a difference to her opinion.

Recent posts have forced me out of my silence

And I'm going to be a naughty passive aggressive mumsnetter and say I really do feel sorry for the grandparents. It would be devastating to be told that the affection you were showing your grandchild was seen as a sexual act.

alis

The op has already said the baby's father does not like them kissing the baby on the lips.

Fwiw certain things I do with my children like co sleeping,bath sharing and kissing on the lips that I would feel incredibly uncomfortable if extended family did.and they are all things I wouldn't even think about doing with other people's children.

Yes, I saw that.

Does he consider it sexual though? Does he actually care or is he just nodding along to the op's slightly bizarre ranting?

"To suggest people don't see normal day to day kisses amongst family is frankly as bizzare as suggesting its a sexual act"

We obviously move in very different circles, because I've never seen an adult kiss a child on the lips - nor have I seen an adult kiss another adult on the lips without a romantic involvement. I've just discussed this with DH, as I'm so surprised that it's done, and he says that he wouldn't be comfortable, although he'd be pretty confident the Grandparents meant absolutely nothing untoward - and he has never seen it done either.

Op, you're not alone. I breastfeed my two year old in public, my children go naked in the garden and on the beach in the Summer, I walk around the house naked in front of my children and I blow raspberries on their tummies. I'm not sure why these things are related to kissing children on the lips, but other people here seem to think they are. Kissing on the lips is just something I wouldn't do, didn't know happened, and have never seen. IMO people are being very OTT to suggest that you have issues etc, OP - and I'd think it is potentially harmful to ask people to override their instincts about their personal boundaries and tolerate things that make them feel violated or uncomfortable. YANBU not to stand by and allow something to happen with your children that doesn't sit right with you. These same people will probably be telling another poster that they mustn't allow contact with Grandparents who can't respect their decisions as parents on food, behaviour, etc on other threads. I think this thread is ridiculous, but in the opposite way to everyone else! ....Hides thread....

All we can do is take her saying he does not like it at face value,no real need to assume she's ranted him into submission

What on earth?! As long as they don't try and snog your baby what on earth is the problem?!

smartypants

You must be new or have never seen the huge volume of threads that bang on about grandparents and how they can do what ever they like because they are gp's so that means their feelings values opinions and what not are far more important than the actual parents,

It's even more noticeable when its paternal gp's because it must be the case that you are trying to exclude them even if the dad agrees with you

smartypants very brave. Posting one post. Then hiding the thread. Is that because, perhaps, you feel a little bit....er....wrong?

This thread has actually now made me feel a bit weird at how I am with my own kids (very tactile). I kiss them on the lips all the time!! I didn't realise it was odd.

Violated?

It's not odd Howmuch. Carry on.

I kiss my children on the lips, forehead, cheek arm...anywhere I can get one to be honest (although that sounds wrong now I've typed it )

With the exception of small babies (who seem to enjoy the whole sloppy wet thing) I kiss all other children on the cheek or forehead, and I appreciate that sounds wrong as well

If the OP is uncomfortable with the lips thing she needs to ring an extremely tactful way of saying it...for example concern about potential coldsores

I simply do not believe people who say they have never heard of nor witnessed a parent kissing their child on the lips. Do you live in a sealed underground bunker?

rufus me too. And squidge their bare bums as little babies.