To not agree to DP giving up his job?

[sleepismyfriend]

I will try to be brief.

We have a 3 month old baby.

Prior to baby I was building up my business and worked until the day I have birth. Business is now booming and I am very lucky to have a good team behind me who take care of the day to day running of the business. I am at home with our baby and whilst I do have to put some work hours in, I can do it from home and DD is my absolute priority. I mainly work when she has settled down for the night.

DP and I don't live together but we are making a go of things and we do intend to live together within a year,

DP is employed and doesn't like his job. He wants to give it up and work for me. I am not keen on this as I would feel guilty if for any reason the business didn't work, and at least with an employed position he can guarantee how much he earns - my business is only 18 months old and so I don't feel completely secure about it yet.

DP is constantly saying how I'm doing to much, insinuates that I must be stressed all day having to juggle work an DD (I'm not) and that he wants to work for the business and basically take over in a managerial type role.

AIBU to not allow this? Apart from l the security / financial aspects of it, I have built my business up from scratch and don't want him coming along taking all the credit now that's its really taking off. Am I being selfish? I'm not sure if I will be going back full time to work there as I am very happy working from home and looking after DD - it doesn't mean he has to take over though does it?

If it makes any difference, he earns approx 30k PA in a 45 hour a week job. My business profits are approx 200k PA.

Some outside perspectives on this would be great.

I reckon suburban has hit it spot-on.

However hang on just one second. STBXH checks up on you on MN? WTF is up with that? Can't you just name change and say fuck him??

I do name change every month or so and I password change regularly, but on the whole it's easier to off-load to RL friends instead. When we were having counselling he used to pull out a print-out of something I'd posted and use it as proof of some spurious point so I had to have everything I'd ever posted deleted. It's looking like this divorce is going to end up in a court case so to avoid the same thing happening in a courtroom I'm steering clear of any specific references to him.

I've barely heard from him at all since telling him he will not be joining my business. It's as if he's just switched off completely. What a surprise.

I am very much looking forward to a future without him. Obviously he can still be involved with DD if he decides he can be bothered, but other than that it's going to be me and DD and I can't wait!

Although not yet official as he hasn't been in touch, I have LTB and It's like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Woohoo! Pass the

Congrats to you and your daughter

Sorry but better to find out now

Make him step up with finances though and go through the CSa - this is for your daughter, not you. Keep it for uni for her.

Congratulations on dumping the fuckwit.

His response shows its the right thing to do.

You and more importantly your dd deserve better. Maybe he'll step up to the mark and be a good dad still. Time will tell.

Congratulations OP :D Be prepared for any crap he throws at you, but enjoy your lovely life with your DD

I think I would hold off on the CSA for now in the hope he will just go away. If you push for child support, he might push for access. I know mn generally takes a dim view of linking child support to access but in this case, since you don't need his money I'd hold back because it might be something you can use as a lever with him down the line if he gets arsey.

Am presuming he is on the birth certificate. Get legal advice asap. Best to operate from a position of total knowledge.

SLEEP, It is sad to have found this out about him, but as pp have said better to find out now than after he has taken everything form you. Hope you are ok.

Well done!

Copy your last post and put it somewhere you can see it - remember it feels right now so if you get a bit wobbly in a few days, look back at the post or any other note you want to make to yourself and remember the feeling!

Well done OP.

You're positive feeling now you've decided is a sure sign that's it's absolutely the right decision. (Although his cockish behaviour is a pretty clear sign all by itself.) Don't forget how you feel now compared to, say, a month ago.

I hope he just drops off your radar. What a user.

*Your not you're. Bloody phone.

Good for you, OP! I've bern a single parent since day 1 and DS is nearly 8. You know you can do it without him. Be prepared for him to try all different tactics though, especially once it's officially over. Speaking of which, why are you waiting for him to get in touch to make it official? Why not take control yourself and end it once and for all?

Happy Easter to you and your DD

Suburban: Just wait till the divorce is settled and then write a book about the fucker .

I won't have time SGB, I'll be too busy getting on with my life and having fun.

DO NOT DO IT. NEVER HAND OVER ANY FINANCIAL STUFF TO A DP. Ok, no more caps but keep your hard work and investemnt separate.

Think it's amazing you went off him the minute you knew you were pregnant. Your instinct knew immediately what your logical part only figured out (much) later. Still, nothing lost.
Congratulations on your business and your baby, the future us bright.

Sleep I'm lost in admiration for you

Suburban sorry to put you on the spot like that! What an absolute wanker. I love your response to SGB and your attitude.

OP, it's great reading about women like you that are building successful businesses and doing what they want re family life.

It depresses me that there are still men around like your STBXP.

Well done, you are a supermum, just look into your daughters eyes and see it reflected back at you.

Well the last couple if days have been interesting. No end of texts asking what's happened to me, why have I turned like this, what's wrong with me, all I've tried to do is help you.

And of course the usual 'you don't have DDs interests at heart'. You are killing me. How can you do this. Etc etc etc.

Next thing I guarantee will be him talking about how he's going to fight me for 'custody'.

I don't know how to respond to him, he just acts the innocent all the time and makes me out to be a villain. Argh he is driving me round the bend!!

You've changed maaan

Did he have to put the BMW catalogues in the bin?

"There's nothing wrong with me. You were suggesting that you took over running the business I built up and I've just let you know that I don't want that to happen and I've asked you to contribute to your own child's living expenses.
I don't think those things are very unreasonable. If you think that means there is something wrong with me, perhaps we didn't know each other as well as we thought."