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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who was unreasonable , wheelchair uses , other mum with pushchair or me.

189 replies

mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 20:17

Took daughter on bus today she is 14 weeks old and on oxygen ,the oxygen cannister is in the basket under pushchair.

when i got on there was already one pushchair.. I parked next to her.

2 stops later a man with a wheel chair got on.

bus driver asked if i could put pushchair down which i explained why i couldn't. Anyway other mum with toddler in pushchair refused to move and put hers down. I was then asked to get off the bus as wheelchairs have piority. I refused as the other women claimed she was on the bus first. In the end i got of the bus , she put hers down and wheelchair user got his place.

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 13/04/2014 20:18

If there would have been space for you and the wheelchair, she should have folded.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/04/2014 20:18

Would the wheel chair have got on if the other woman had collapsed?

AnitaBlake · 13/04/2014 20:20

The other mum should have folded. All else being equal I would have said you, but your dd has oxygen, so has greater need.

specialsubject · 13/04/2014 20:21

the non-disabled party was unreasonable, in that they were the only one with the option.

so that isn't you, and isn't the chap in the wheelchair.

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/04/2014 20:22

As your baby is on oxygen he/she has got a disability so perfectly within the rules to use the disabled spot.

The other women should have been made to get off or folded the buggy down.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 20:22

Tbh we both would of had to fold for him to fit he had a cast on his leg. Hence why i ended up having to get off. i couldn't have folded at all i don't really see how a guy with a broken leg would get piority.

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 13/04/2014 20:22

How long until the next bus?

jeanmiguelfangio · 13/04/2014 20:23

I would have folded straight away, wheelchair and you get priority. I would have got off actually if I couldnt fold, you and w/c come first

Fairenuff · 13/04/2014 20:23

other mum with toddler in pushchair refused to move and put hers down

So, she did put her pushchair down to make room.

other women claimed she was on the bus first

She was on the bus first.

Sorry but I think she was being reasonable. She was there first and she made way for the wheelchair.

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/04/2014 20:24

It woulda been nice if the driver had let you remain on the bus but by the door. You woulda had to get on and off to allow people to get on or off but wheel chair would have got on and te toddler mum would have to collapse but her idler can walk!

softlysoftly · 13/04/2014 20:24

Well if you could have both fit on then other mother should have folded.

But in terms of priority to me it goes:

  • you as you were the first person who "needed" the space to get on the bus
  • Wheelchair user
  • Other mother
Gileswithachainsaw · 13/04/2014 20:24

Her toddler

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 20:25

Yh she did collapse after arguing about it.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 13/04/2014 20:26

From update then it seems the other mother folding would have been pointless and as you had legitimate need for the space then the wheelchair user should have awaited the next bus.

MissBattleaxe · 13/04/2014 20:26

The other Mum was massively unreasonable not to fold for a wheelchair user. Hugely. No argument there.

However, the bus driver was unreasonable for making you get off.

It's a tricky one though- your daughter was clearly disabled and had a need for the oxygen that was on the pram- so what does a driver do when one disabled person on his bus means another doesn't get on? I suppose that in that case, the second disabled user may have to wait for the next one.

LongTimeLurking · 13/04/2014 20:27

The man in the wheelchair was disabled and had a right to a space and your daughter has a disability making it unreasonable for you to move her.

The other woman was being unreasonable.

BloominNora · 13/04/2014 20:28

This is why the 'wheelchairs take priority no matter what' attitude is ridiculous.

It is and always should be about greatest need and being in a wheelchair does not always automatically equate to greatest need.

In this situation, your daughter had the greatest need - therefore, you had the most rights to the place.

Someone with a broken leg does not take priority over a baby on oxygen just because he is in a wheelchair.

chocolatesolveseverything · 13/04/2014 20:29

How heavy is the oxygen cannister? Does it make pushing the pram difficult, or do you have any other physical disability which would make pushing for a long time?

The reason I ask is because my first thoughts are as follows:

  • Other mother: could fold or could walk/wait
  • You: could walk(?) but not fold
  • Wheelchair user: Cannot walk and cannot fold. Could potentially wait for another bus.

Therefore assuming you had the ability to push the buggy or could easily wait for another bus, I think the wheelchair user had priority, but the other woman should definitely have offered to fold first.

MoominsAreScary · 13/04/2014 20:29

Usually id say wheelchair but as your daughter needs oxygen so you are unable to fold id say you had priority under these circumstances.

For the first time last week in 19 years of having dc and pushchairs we encountered someone in a wheel chair trying to get on the bus.

I was at the stop, they got off another bus, they had missed 4 buses due to pushchairs. Women says to women in wheelchair " we wont be able to catch this one either" I say dont worry I will fould its not a problem, had a chat about how difficult it had been getting a bus due to pushchairs.

Bus arrives, pushchair on so they couldn't get the wheelchair on. I tell the driver this is the 5th bus theyve had to miss due to pushchairs, driver says nothing he can do.

Twat with the pushchair gets off at the next stop. I was fucking fuming. 2 and a half hours the women in the wheel chair had spent waiting for buses.

I honestly think its now time they banned pushchairs (not in your case op)

Fairenuff · 13/04/2014 20:30

The other Mum was massively unreasonable not to fold for a wheelchair user

She did fold.

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/04/2014 20:33

Age shouldn't have came into it.

The baby could have missed an hospital appointment or needed to get home because the oxygen tank needed changing.

Fefifo · 13/04/2014 20:35

The driver was unreasonable to make you and your DD get off for the wheelchair user. Your DD has a disability and was in the space first. The wheelchair user should have been told to wait for the next bus if you couldn't both fit.

The other woman with the buggy was a twat.

MincingOnBy · 13/04/2014 20:35

I think the disabled guy should have had to wait, as your daughter already counts as disabled due to the oxygen and being unable to fold, so if you can't both fit he just has to wait

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 20:36

She has an oxygen cannister and a nebuliser on her puschair and 15 ft wires. I would quite happily fold her down if i could have but she also had a whole load of other equipment such as syringes and things. I needed to get home to feed her as i have to feed her on syringe in the end i walked , went to starbucks to feed her for stared at for half hr and then walked her again home didn't even attempt another bus as i was to embarrassed from the first bus.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 13/04/2014 20:37

That's awful Moomins'

The other mother should have folded, I don't know enough about the wheelchair user to judge in your case OP.

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