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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who was unreasonable , wheelchair uses , other mum with pushchair or me.

189 replies

mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 20:17

Took daughter on bus today she is 14 weeks old and on oxygen ,the oxygen cannister is in the basket under pushchair.

when i got on there was already one pushchair.. I parked next to her.

2 stops later a man with a wheel chair got on.

bus driver asked if i could put pushchair down which i explained why i couldn't. Anyway other mum with toddler in pushchair refused to move and put hers down. I was then asked to get off the bus as wheelchairs have piority. I refused as the other women claimed she was on the bus first. In the end i got of the bus , she put hers down and wheelchair user got his place.

OP posts:
brokenhearted55a · 13/04/2014 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 21:43

Broken hearted, i have to use public transport. Mostly i walk but was in a rush. I never understood the parking places either.

OP posts:
ikeaismylocal · 13/04/2014 21:43

Other mother sounds vile but at least she did fold in the end. Her poor child growing up with such a rude mother.

In my opinion you should have had priority over the space purely because you were there first, if the man in a wheelchair was their first he should have had priority.

It sounds like bus companies do have differeing rules, our local bus company specifically has signs in the 3 accessible spaces, one has a sign that it's for wheelchairs and if a wheelchair user would like to get on the pushchair has to get off, 2 have pictures of pushchairs and they are for pushchairs only. The wheelchair space has special belts to make the chair safe so wheelchairs can only use that space.

It might be worth checking what the policy is in your local bus company for future reference.

Misspixietrix · 13/04/2014 21:48

She was on the bus first. Eh? And that trumps a disabled kid how? Confused YNBU OP.

backwardpossom · 13/04/2014 21:51

Definitely complain to the bus company - you and your baby should have had priority, OP. :(

Misspixietrix · 13/04/2014 21:52

OP please ring the bus company in the morning and complain. Dreadful. Yes broken leg man needed space too but so did your DD especially considering you had to get back to change the oxygen tank. Out of interest OP can you drive?

Preciousbane · 13/04/2014 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AreWeThereYeti · 13/04/2014 22:04

I think this is one of those situations where it's hard to know what to do. They whole idea of one user trumping another is difficult which is why there is an overall 'rule' that wheelchairs have priority (as they should)
It's actually impossible to know who had the most need of the space. The mum who was on first may have her own very valid reasons, she may have had her own unseen health issues for all we know. Likewise there is no knowing whether the guy in the wheelchair 'just' had a broken leg.

I feel for everyone in cases like this, including the driver Confused

IamInvisible · 13/04/2014 22:06

You should have stayed on the bus. The space is for disabled people. I wonder if your GP or hospital can give you a letter to say you can't fold your buggy to avoid this situation in the future.

Ponkypink · 13/04/2014 22:11

It's age discrimination to give a disabled adult automatic priority over a disabled child. No question of this. The bus company were being unreasonable. Age is a protected characteristic in the same way as disability, so you have a reasonable case to complain against them.

Original poster
mummywithsmiles · 13/04/2014 22:13

Thank you i will add it on the list for thing to sort out lol and no i cant drive , wish i could my life would be easier

OP posts:
Trazzletoes · 13/04/2014 22:17

Re: parent and child parking spaces, I thought the point of them was that you had more space to open the doors to get the car seat in/ lean in to fit seatbelt and the fact that they're next to the door is simply convenient.

OP you should not have had to get off the bus.

ReallyTired · 13/04/2014 22:19

The other mum should have been kicked off the bus. There is no excuse. It should be a requirement to fold a pushchair unless the baby is has strong medical needs.

I think its right that the wheelchair user had priority over the OP. He doesn't have the option of walking. If the other mum, had been kicked off the bus for unreasonable behaviour then both the wheelchair user and the OP could have been accomodiated on the bus.

MoominsAreScary · 13/04/2014 22:20

Whisk yes I would, its not just a few people is it. This topic comes up all the time and posters who use wheelchairs say time and time again how they have to wait, sometimes hours to catch a bus.

When my first was born everyone had to fold their pushchairs. Guess what, we all managed.

rootypig · 13/04/2014 22:21

mummy it sounds like an upsetting experience at a difficult time. I remember being in tears at similar things when DD was tiny and my not-recognised disability (arthritis in my hip) is not nearly as stressful. YANBU - people with compassion and good sense should be able to negotiate these things between themselves when the rules clearly don't account for the situation.

Flowers for you and DD. I hope you're cosy at home.

rootypig · 13/04/2014 22:22

For all the people talking about disabled people taking priority, as far as I understand, it is more specifically wheelchair users?

Misspixietrix · 13/04/2014 22:24

Mummy I've pmed you. Would be worth looking into. Let us know how you get on with the bus company complaint. I don't know if its the same in your area but ours they have cctv on board all the time. I once had to complain about one and he did get into trouble because the cctv confirmed my story.

MoominsAreScary · 13/04/2014 22:24

Oh and I cant drive either and still managed to get to work on a bus with the pushchair folded down.

And managed to fold the pushchair the other day with a 3,2 and 1 year old, its a bit of a pain but it can be done.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 13/04/2014 22:28

I think in this incidence you definitely should have had priority over both the other woman and the man in a wheel chair. I don't think pushchairs should be banned just a bit of common sense and decency is all that is needed

spikeymikie · 13/04/2014 22:33

Your dd had priority as first disabled person needing the space.

Whiskwarrior · 13/04/2014 22:39

But Moomins you didn't say people should have to fold their pushchairs (which I did, incidentally, with DD because it was an old bus) you said 'ban all pushchairs'.

So you're essentially saying I should not have been allowed to use the bus to get to work? How would you propose getting around that then? Are you suggesting everyone with the audacity to have babies should have to walk everywhere at all times if they don't drive?

It would have been nigh on impossible for me to walk to and from work - too far. What about Mums who live rurally? You do know that there is a link between PND and not getting out and about/meeting people, don't you?

This is why it's not as black and white as 'ban pushchairs on buses'.

And as for the 'we managed' argument, well, so did my Mum, yet she doesn't have such a backwards outlook on life. Should we just get rid of everything that helps us because other people didn't have it?

As I said, your proposal is based on the minority (and it is a minority) spoiling it for the majority. The reason we read on here (and elsewhere) about these issues is because no one is likely to start a thread saying 'I'm in a wheelchair and today I got on the bus with no issues at all'. People wouldn't share their everyday normality like that.

There was a man who used to get on a different bus route to my work one. We used to see him all the time. He was in an electric wheelchair. Not once did I ever see him have issues with using the bus or other passengers giving him grief. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I'm saying that the vast majority of people are considerate and helpful.

And I notice you're only calling for a blanket ban now that you're not using the bus with a pushchair yourself anymore. Interesting, that...

rootypig · 13/04/2014 22:40

But it's not disabled people, afaik, it's wheelchair users. Does anyone know for sure?

eg I have agonising arthritis in my hip. When on a bus with DD in pram (cannot collapse pram as cannot lift DD and walk safely due to hip) I do not take precedence. Doubly pita complicated as disability + pram. There simply is no provision for it. Just one of those things in life you have to get on with / work out for yourself. (Am not saying that for the OP, because I think actually the other two users in this case should have given her priority, more speaking to my experience.)

Whiskwarrior · 13/04/2014 22:41

And managed to fold the pushchair the other day with a 3,2 and 1 year old, its a bit of a pain but it can be done.

Just noticed this - you did this how, exactly? And how would you be getting about if you put this ban in place?

AmberPig · 13/04/2014 22:44

I work for a bus company, and it's a common misconception amongst our drivers that pushchairs have to either be folded or get off if a wheelchair passenger wishes to board. Actually that's not the case, it's first come first served, and if someone refuses to fold a pushchair they can't be forced to disembark - they've paid the fare so have a right to travel. The legal side of it is more to do with disabled access with low floor and ramp entry rather than step. You'd rather hope that common sense and good manners would prevail though, and the parent would fold a pushchair if they can, and the rules probably differ with other bus companies.

rootypig · 13/04/2014 22:45

Really Amber? I thought (from another MN thread) that the law has changed

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1943327-Buggies-must-be-folded-by-law-if-a-wheelchair-user-wishes-to-board