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Original poster

DP trying to BF the baby....

205 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 10:12

That's just it really, I walked into the room after being downstairs for half an hour or so and DP was slumped over the baby in a funny position. He had no top on and looked like he was trying to BF her- in fact I'm pretty sure he was.
I said to him- "Are you trying to breastfeed our daughter?" and his response was "She's my baby too". He wouldn't entertain any more conversation on the subject- so I left it.
Honestly though- is that a bit weird? Has he crossed a line? Is it funny? Was he just being resourceful? I genuinely don't know how to feel about this... Haven't spoken to anyone else about it in RL

OP posts:
5feralloinfruits · 10/04/2014 21:36

I read a book about freebirths once and the woman in there said her husband suggested to himself that he could make milk and he did in fact make milk,he didnt feed any babies though.

It wouldnt bother me if dh tried ti i would probably laugh at him,but then i know him and trust him enough to know its something he would only do out of desperation or curiosity,not that he ever gets a look in anyway as dc5 is constantly attatched to my boob!

ikeaismylocal · 10/04/2014 21:37

I don't think it is right to offer a breast that produces no milk to a baby, ds would become furious if I was running low on milk and I wouldn't want him to work at sucking a mans nipple and then being disapointed that no milk came out, I would think it could make a baby feel negative about breastfeeding.

I did let ds comfort suck, but he only did that after a feed and he was in that half asleep half awake dozy stage, a baby wouldn't naturally be in that sleepy state when the father tried to get the baby to latch on.

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 21:38

I have raised this in a more friendly way with DP this evening and he said he was trying to make her feel as much as if she was with me as possible.

He laid my top down on the bed , led on his side face to face with her and let her nuzzle his chest and it settled her. He said she was rooting around but eventually settled. (I'll never know fully if she latched on to him but doubt he would say now even if she had)

He said every time I go to do something the baby gets hungry and he has to bring her to me so he was trying to make her feel as if I was there hence the top etc
He has mentioned that it makes him feel a bit useless when only I can settle the baby and wanted to do it himself without having to fetch me.

I have suggested expressing some milk so he can feed her in the evenings (even though it's a bloody faff)

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 10/04/2014 21:49

I ebf dd1 but with dd2 I was expressing from the go as she was in intensive care (preemie).im like a milk cow so I had loads of the stuff frozen and kept expressing and DH really liked the fact that he could feed dd2. He was very involved with dd1 but it let him do even more with dd2.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/04/2014 22:14

I can't work out why but it would freak me out

Twattyzombiebollocks · 10/04/2014 23:30

All of my kids have been "any port in a storm" and have latched onto anything within reach like catfish. Wouldn't bother me at all tbh. And as for red flags, it was his nipple not his knob?

sortofmaybeworried · 11/04/2014 00:08

I love it that so many people on this thread are saying that suckling on a plastic dummy is WAY less weird and unnatural than the baby's own father Hmm (DD had a dummy, I'm not against them, just don't see that they are any more 'natural'). Or in hospital they often recommend that when your nipples are knackered the babies could suck on the tip of my little finger... Again not sure how this is so different!

OP glad you've sorted it out Smile

BurntPancake · 11/04/2014 02:29

OP from your latest post he sounds like a lovely father who's just feeling left out. It's great that he wants to be more involved.

dunsborough · 11/04/2014 03:08

This is weird. And your H knows it - that's why he wouldn't discuss it.

mrswishywashy · 11/04/2014 07:24

I think its rather lovely that he tried to replicate what you do to soothe her. I'd be giving him a hug and thanking him for been such a kind, caring father who is in tune with your bb.

In many cultures the father does suckle baby and do plenty of skin to skin. Read up on attachment parenting and you'll find that its not just attachment to mother that is important. Maybe try and get him and bb to do a IAIM massage class so they can have special time and assure him it does get easier to settle bb as they get older.

I'm in a same sex relationship and we are TTC right now, I will hopefully carry bb but I've already said to my wife she can suckle bb if she wants too. It's no different then your husband doing so in my book.

feathermucker · 11/04/2014 07:54

Sinister?!Hmm

Red flags?!Hmm

Really?!

I don't see anything weird about it. Chances are that baby just attempted to latch on, OP walked in at the 'wrong' moment and he was embarrassed, poor bloke.

If you think about it, the reason for his embarrassment is probably the hypersensitive overreactions on here......he's probably thinking what others would think of this when, in fact, it's a perfectly innocent situation.

Smile
CuttedUpPear · 11/04/2014 08:04

There was a thread about this recently. Tbh I had never thought of it before but the more I do, the more I am becoming convinced it's a good idea.

Can you open up the conversation with your DP again gently OP? To have a man who wants to bond like this. ..well I would have been glad of it when mine were small!

The only thing is, you need to advise him on his position so that he doesn't end up hurting his back! Smile

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 11/04/2014 08:05

I agree with Mrs de vere.

MoominsAreScary · 11/04/2014 08:10

They way you discribed him leaning over her in the op sounded like a weird way of doing it but how he says he was trying to settle the baby in your last post sounds perfectly reasonable.

It can be hard those first few months of bf if they wont settle for anyone else, sounds like hes just trying to give you a break and hes feeling a bit bad that the baby won't settle for him.

I think you need to reassure him that it wont always be this way, ds4 wouldnt settle for anyone else in the begining but by around 12 weeks would happily cuddle up to dp for a sleep if I wasnt in the room.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 11/04/2014 08:12

I don't think it's weird. Out of curiosity I asked DD (18 months and prolific feeder) if she wanted na nas from Daddy. (He had no top on).

They both looked at me in confused disgust. DH put his top on.

CuttedUpPear · 11/04/2014 08:13

I've just read your last post OP.

Your DP sounds like a very lovely man.

Caitlyn2014 · 11/04/2014 08:20

Maddbannersandpopcorn I think your husband just did what many men want to do but don't for lots of reasons. My son is very open about how much he would like to be able to breast feed his baby, and the look on his face the first time he fed his son expressed milk will be with me forever. There was no reason for the baby to have the expressed milk apart from the fact my son was desperate to feed his son. It was an overwhelming desire and why should it only be a woman who experiences the passing on of love via feeding.

Your husband comes across as sound :)

Edenviolet · 11/04/2014 08:23

It doesn't sound weird to me, in fact he sounds lovely and caring. Laying out a top of yours and trying to settle the baby to give you a bit of time to rest is a really thoughtful thing to do.

wigglylines · 11/04/2014 08:25

"tribes in the Amazon may well do it. But this couple probably live in a 3 bed semi in Guildford"

I don't understand this way of thinking. Babies don't know if they're in England or the Amazon. Is either any less human?!

If you recognise we are the sane species, why would it be good for one kind of baby and not the other?

MinesAPintOfTea · 11/04/2014 08:27

AndI but your dd is a toddler. DH tried this in desperation in the worst part of newborn sleep deprivation (didn't work, ds wanted milk) but it would be weird if he did it now with all the other options he has (story, cup of cows milk, chuggington, biscuit) but at that point nothing but suckling would soothe ds (now nearly 2, still bf).

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 11/04/2014 08:47

Sory my post came across the wrong way. I didn't mean I thought it was weird, especially not with a newborn. I don't see how it is particularly different to being skin to skin and letting a baby suck on your knuckle or finger.

My experience was more of an anecdotal thing illustrating I didn't think fathers who did this were strange. Blush

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 11/04/2014 08:53

*sorry

MangoBiscuit · 11/04/2014 09:21

OP, reading your last post made me go "awwww!" I think you have a lovely DH. :)

Gen35 · 11/04/2014 09:50

Yes that would have been what I thought was going on really, makes sense. I definitely would express and let dh offer a bottle personally, we couldn't get dd to take one (we left it too late) and I think it is a real regret for dh.

Isthereanyhope · 11/04/2014 17:06

OP, you DH is the man! Grin What love moved him to do!