Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP trying to BF the baby....

205 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 10:12

That's just it really, I walked into the room after being downstairs for half an hour or so and DP was slumped over the baby in a funny position. He had no top on and looked like he was trying to BF her- in fact I'm pretty sure he was.
I said to him- "Are you trying to breastfeed our daughter?" and his response was "She's my baby too". He wouldn't entertain any more conversation on the subject- so I left it.
Honestly though- is that a bit weird? Has he crossed a line? Is it funny? Was he just being resourceful? I genuinely don't know how to feel about this... Haven't spoken to anyone else about it in RL

OP posts:
ChunkyPickle · 10/04/2014 14:57

I was out of it when DS1 was born, and the nurses persuaded DP to do skin to skin - apparently DS1 didn't approve of the hairiness at all though so he put his shirt back on.

DS2 just lies there pulling DP's chest/arm/thigh hair out, so I don't see him giving it a go.

I reckon it was just curiosity/embarrassment myself.

Somepercentagenotcool · 10/04/2014 16:19

I'm sorry but that is just weird. If she is not settling and she wants to suck and you are not there then what is wrong with a dummy with skin to skin?

Whenever ds or dd were hungy and rooting at dh, various jokes were made along the lines of 'you won't get much out of there' etc. if my dh tried to seriously 'breast feed' a baby I would think it was seriously fucking strange. Not necessarily abusive, by definitely weird.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 16:21

what is wrong with a dummy with skin to skin?

And what's wrong with his nipple?

I accept it's not the 'done thing', but I don't see any harm in it. What is the difference between his nipple and yours?

pussinwellyboots · 10/04/2014 16:23

I have no idea of the accuracy of this but remember being told that the anthropological reason for men having nipples is to help sooth a baby and that this is common practice in some tribes!!! But have no references so may just be an old wives tale!

AlpacaYourThings · 10/04/2014 16:24

Lots of women who BF say that their babies sometimes suckle for comfort rather than food.

What is the difference between that and a man doing it? I'm genuinely confused.

MoominsAreScary · 10/04/2014 16:24

Its the leaning over the baby in a funny position bit, why didn't he just pick the baby up.

Ds4 doesnt like dps hairyness and lack of nipple

AlpacaYourThings · 10/04/2014 16:24

X-post with Nursey.

Feminine · 10/04/2014 16:24

I think it is fine.

I'll bet it is done more than we realize actually.

Put it behind you op

Longdistance · 10/04/2014 16:26

Maybe you should shove a melon down his cock hole, to give him the feeling of giving birth...seen as he feels left out...

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 16:26

Yes pussin Pygmy men

FatherWorld, published by Fathers Direct, the UK national information centre on fatherhood, details a worldwide increase in active fathering. It names as “Best Dads in the World” the Aka Pygmies, a hunter-gatherer tribe from northern Congo, in central Africa. When the mother is not available, the father calms his baby by giving him a nipple to suck

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 16:28

www.freerepublic.com/focus/fr/1439787/posts

interesting reading

Legologgo · 10/04/2014 16:29

In my NCT group there was this weird couple who, on the reunion, came back and said that she needed him to "activate her let down" to get her milk going

we all sat around like this Hmm Grin

Feminine · 10/04/2014 16:30

long that sounded really horrible -yuck!

Paintyfingers · 10/04/2014 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/04/2014 16:31

We knew a bloke in the US who got some sort of contraption - not exactly how it worked but I assume a tube taped to his nipple - so that he could 'breastfeed' his baby.

I don't see any problem with either parent's nipple being used for a comfort suckle.

MoominsAreScary · 10/04/2014 16:31

Some tribes do use the nipples to calm thr baby.

Men have nipples because all embryos start off female though

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/04/2014 16:31

I still think the defensive response is strange! Why not "We were just having some skin to skin" or "I was trying to calm her" or even "I wanted to see what it felt like"? Do you think you spoke to him in a particularly aggressive way? Or has he generally been feeling left out or like you're criticising him?

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 16:32

He was probably embarrassed.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/04/2014 16:33

I guess so. I think it is worth gently discussing though. He shouldn't be embarrassed about bonding with his baby.

melika · 10/04/2014 16:34

Well, a baby wouldn't get much comfort from my DH nipples and have you looked at David Beckhams, he wouldn't be much good either!

kittenmittens · 10/04/2014 16:37

Ithinkwerealonenow - raises massive red flags for what??

I don't think it's weird at all.

Somepercentagenotcool · 10/04/2014 16:38

Sigh. I suppose there is nothing wrong with his nipple. It's just weird, it just is!

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 16:43

Sigh. I suppose there is nothing wrong with his nipple. It's just weird, it just is!

Some people think this about breastfeeding sadly.

Somepercentagenotcool · 10/04/2014 17:00

Yes, but women's breasts were designed exactly for breastfeeding. i always thought men had nipples because until a certain stage of development foetuses are neither male nor female and the nipples are a leftover from that? I didn't realise men had nipples so they didn't feel left out of breastfeeding.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 17:06

And the fact men have nipples would enable them to give comfort to a suckling baby in a similar way to women, so it's a benefit.

What I was trying to say it some people think breastfeeding is 'weird' but have no reason for thinking that. Same as this. There's no reason why this is weird, it's just people perceive it to be that way because it's against what they're used to, against the norm.
As long as baby and parent are happy, and there's nothing untoward going on I just see it as a nice bonding method.