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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP trying to BF the baby....

205 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 10:12

That's just it really, I walked into the room after being downstairs for half an hour or so and DP was slumped over the baby in a funny position. He had no top on and looked like he was trying to BF her- in fact I'm pretty sure he was.
I said to him- "Are you trying to breastfeed our daughter?" and his response was "She's my baby too". He wouldn't entertain any more conversation on the subject- so I left it.
Honestly though- is that a bit weird? Has he crossed a line? Is it funny? Was he just being resourceful? I genuinely don't know how to feel about this... Haven't spoken to anyone else about it in RL

OP posts:

MyNameIsAnAnagram · 10/04/2014 20:18

Both of mine have tried to latch on to dh in the past, it's what babies do! So no, I don't think it's that odd. If it would give me a break if make him do it but they don't seem to like the hair

TarkaTheOtter · 10/04/2014 20:28

margot they have to suck in a particular way to get the milk, particularly if they have been feeding for a while and the flow has slowed. Sometimes they stay attached for comfort but aren't really sucking properly. There will always be milk there because breasts are never actually empty but they just don't put it the effort properly to extract it.

AnyFucker · 10/04/2014 20:30

I am not really sure why people keep saying "my baby tried to do X, Y, Z" as if this somehow explains the distinctly odd behaviour of this man ?

a hungry baby will latch onto anything vaguely nipple shaped...it is instinct

should we not be considering the behaviour of a bloke that offers his nipple to a baby ?

with the presence of a lactating woman not 12 feet away, it can hardly be explained as "instinctive"...can it ?

Wantsunshine · 10/04/2014 20:33

Sounds very weird to me. I would freak if I walked in on my DH doing that.

Holdthepage · 10/04/2014 20:39

Exactly what Any Fucker says.

Nancy66 · 10/04/2014 20:44

was starting to think I was the only one who found it totally bizarre.

tribes in the Amazon may well do it. But this couple probably live in a 3 bed semi in Guildford.

I don't think it hints of anything sinister. it's just a bit mad and icky.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 20:47

Would you object to the baby sucking his finger.. his cheek?

Because it really isn't any different. Unless you're seeing the nipple as a sexual body part - which is something we as women have been fighting about.

gertiegusset · 10/04/2014 20:51

So if the baby is doing it for comfort would it be ok for your respective DHs (those of you who think it's cute and ok) to do it in public?
Because lets be fair, the OP said her DH was trying to BF the baby, not that the baby was 'rooting' around for comfort.
Just asking.

Nancy66 · 10/04/2014 20:51

it's totally different.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/04/2014 20:52

I would be shocked and surprised, but when you think about it, I'm surprised that more men don't end up having a go.

Curiousity x Desperation = a powerful force

Red flags are silly, they've turned into mumsnet thread bunting :)

violetlights · 10/04/2014 20:52

I think it's very sad that some people think it's sinister... If I was a father I'm sure I would be tempted. Apart from the fact that men have been known to lactate surely the physically bond of comfort and sucking is one that most fathers would want to be part of? He was just acting on it...

ikeaismylocal · 10/04/2014 20:52

My ds has tried to latch onto dp a couple of times, dp and ds did lots of skin to skin when ds was less mobile and they have baths together so dp's nipples were within easy access. Ds gets very confused about the hair on dp's nipples and he has never done more than a quick suck and then pulled a face and turned his head away.

I would find it odd if my dp was trying to instigate a breastfeeding attempt, give the baby a dummy if it is that desperate to suck!

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 20:53

it's totally different

Why?

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 20:53

So if the baby is doing it for comfort would it be ok for your respective DHs (those of you who think it's cute and ok) to do it in public?

Women don't get their nipples out in public to comfort their baby, they do it to feed them.

gertiegusset · 10/04/2014 20:56

But why not Nursey, if it's all so ok?
And how many of us have left the baby on for a bit longer than the feed actually takes because the baby has dozed off or is just sucking for comfort.
A man wouldn't have to expose his nipple either.

Nancy66 · 10/04/2014 20:56

because men can't breastfeed babies. their nipples are defunct.

it's like me using a strap on to toilet train my son

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 20:58

gertie
I don't know, ask women who breastfeed. I'm sure if a baby needs comfort whilst you're out and about a dummy or whatever is much easier rather than getting your nipple out. If you're at home and having skin on skin and the baby latches, then it's easy and there's no harm in it

nancy
Like the studies have shown and like I've said, it's not just about feeding it's about comfort. You don't have a penis, men have a nipple so it's not a useful analogy.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 21:00

By the way I did speak about this to DP and he said he wouldn't do it personally. He said it's probably because it's seen as taboo and not done, but if it became a 'thing' and accepted he'd probably be much more open about it.

gertiegusset · 10/04/2014 21:08

I was just wondering what the reaction of all the people who thought it was cute would be if they saw a stranger doing it.
Really just asking because I don't think I'd be at all comfortable whereas if a woman was BFing I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 21:13

A woman breastfeeding is necessity though for feeding, a man getting his nip out isn't. Comfort in the own home I wouldn't object to if it settled the baby.

gertiegusset · 10/04/2014 21:17

Ok, so is it ok for a woman to comfort her baby with her breast in public if she hasn't just been bfing.
Perhaps the baby refuses a dummy or the parents don't want to use them.
If it is ok then why not for a man.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 21:20

I would say it's unnecessary if she wasn't feeding - but that's my opinion it doesn't mean it's right.

CaptainSinker · 10/04/2014 21:25

He probably just did it/let her on impulse then felt v embarrassed. Those early days are very emotionally intense for both parents. I wouldn't bring it up again unless you have reason. not sure what can really be said.

MargotLovedTom · 10/04/2014 21:33

Thanks for the explanations re comfort sucking. I never got past 6 weeks bf with any of my dc, and even those weeks were a sleep deprived blur with a baby permanently attached, so I think I've forgotten everything I knew.

PorkPieandPickle · 10/04/2014 21:35

I don't think its weird. its not 'the norm' and thats why peoe react with fear etc.

i think his weirdness/embarrassment was just caused by your reaction. We automatically go on the defensive when 'accused'.

Think yourself lucky that you have a DP so willing to do anything to parent your baby - a lot of men use bf as an excuse to hand the baby back straight away.

I have heard of men doing this. Those that haven't heard of it probably don't do a lot of reading about breastfeeding... I read a lot when I was struggling in the early days. Ha- I wish DH would try this to give me a break!!!

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