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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP trying to BF the baby....

205 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 10:12

That's just it really, I walked into the room after being downstairs for half an hour or so and DP was slumped over the baby in a funny position. He had no top on and looked like he was trying to BF her- in fact I'm pretty sure he was.
I said to him- "Are you trying to breastfeed our daughter?" and his response was "She's my baby too". He wouldn't entertain any more conversation on the subject- so I left it.
Honestly though- is that a bit weird? Has he crossed a line? Is it funny? Was he just being resourceful? I genuinely don't know how to feel about this... Haven't spoken to anyone else about it in RL

OP posts:
RedRoom · 10/04/2014 11:14

Perhaps he notices how easily soothed the baby is when you breast feed and wanted to see what it was like to try and replicate giving some comfort. His first reaction 'she's my baby too' shows that at the forefront of his mind might have been a feeling of being a bit left out, or a frustration that he hasn't been able to have the physical closeness that you have through breast feeding.

It is unusual, yes, but not utterly shocking or terrible. If he gave his finger to suck, there would be no problem. It's just because we don't usually think of men doing anything with their nipples.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/04/2014 11:14

Wanting to do skin to skin = not weird.
Trying to breastfeed = weird

Actually I find his response "She's my baby too" the most bizarre part of this. Something quite sinister about that.

Nancy66 · 10/04/2014 11:14

Well I think it's a bit fucking weird....

Gen35 · 10/04/2014 11:15

There would be a history of worrying incidents if this was anything. DD would root on lots of people, ever hopeful! Especially early on. Unless you have some other reason to be concerned, I'd not make a big deal about it. I would try and let dh give baby an ebm bottle though

Gen35 · 10/04/2014 11:16

I mention it as dd would never take a bottle and dh did feel left out that he was so limited in his parenting because he couldn't feed her.

Nancyandsid · 10/04/2014 11:19

Doesn't it just fall in the same slightly funny category of older siblings wanting to have breast milk on a spoon or squirting breast milk at your husband whose about 3 foot away (and getting a bullseye)

Nancyandsid · 10/04/2014 11:20

Seriously skin to skin is good for bonding. He was probably being a bit daft about trying to feed

Lovecat · 10/04/2014 11:21

DD tried to latch on to DH once when she was tiny. It freaked him out completely... Hmm

But then, not as freaked out as I was when one of our rescue kittens (we'd taken on their mother as well and they were still nursing) climbed into bed one morning and tried to suckle from me! Shock

Seriously, I think the 'she's my baby too' comment is slightly weird and I'd want to have a (non-judgemental) chat with him about if he's feeling very left out of thing?

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 10/04/2014 11:21

Actually I find his response "She's my baby too" the most bizarre part of this. Something quite sinister about that.

I do find that a bit bizarre but thought embarrassment or a reaction to feeling the OP didn't trust him with the baby at that moment.

There usually isn't an issue OP in introducing a bottle after 6 weeks - you can express bm and have him give that - well my DS wouldn't take a bottle but other two did. You could suggest that if he does feel left out with feeding.

Nancyandsid · 10/04/2014 11:23

As a silly one off thing, its not a red flag. But if there were various other concerns, maybe it would be a red flag?

Ploppy16 · 10/04/2014 11:26

I think his defensiveness could be explained by the tone you used. Was it accusing in any way? 'she's my baby too' could well have been him feeling that he's not to be trusted with his own daughter or feeling pushed away from her. There is nothing sinister, weird or abusive (which is what half of the posters here are trying to tell you) going on imo, just a new dad trying to bond with his daughter.

DrunkenDaisy · 10/04/2014 11:30

It wouldn't worry me, but once I tried to breastfeed my kitten but she wouldn't do it.

AlpacaYourThings · 10/04/2014 11:32

Only you know your DH, OP.

Do you think it was weird? If so, why? What about it makes you feel uncomfortable?

Personally, I wouldn't find it weird, because I know my DH and I know there wouldn't be anything sinister behind it. Just probably tired desperation!

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 10/04/2014 11:33

That is true, the tone is important! I'm definitely not shouting abuse! I just think it is an odd response. I can't think of a situation where my dh would feel the need to say that. Worth asking why he felt the need to be so defensive I guess, but if your tone was an accusing one then maybe that would go some way to explaining it.
She's my baby too. Yes, I'm definitely finding that odd but I can't quite put my finger on why.

Ploppy16 · 10/04/2014 11:37

A.tiny baby and not much sleep can make people do odd things Grin
I've done weirder myself, i once let DS.suckle the end of my nose for 2 hours because it was the only thing that would soothe him...

Nicknacky · 10/04/2014 11:39

Maybe because he feels left out and rightly or wrongly, was trying to console the baby in the way he did when he was confronted by the op?

I don't think there is anything sinister about him saying "she's my baby too", he is right!

Andcake · 10/04/2014 11:39

sounds like a very man thing to be embarrassed - sounds like a desperate attempt to calm maybe.

Also skin to skin is recommended for dads to. Dp bizarrely for him bought a new casual shirt (rather than one of his usual off duty t-shirts) to put in his hospital bag so he could bare his chest to have skin to skin. I think we knew i was going to have a cs and that skin to skin might be good if anything went wrong with me. Dp is never usually that organised and NEVER buys clothes.

NewtRipley · 10/04/2014 11:42

Ploppy Grin

Really interesting. I think my first reaction would be to think it was weird and maybe a bit embarrassing, but actually I think it's a logical thing to try. Has brought up some interesting ideas about how close a father should be to his child..

I can imagine he was defensive because he was embarrassed or she sounded accusatory

FrigginRexManningDay · 10/04/2014 11:42

Calm down with the red flags Hmm
Its a nipple not a bottle of rum he offered.

Ploppy16 · 10/04/2014 11:45

I can actually see how it could happen if he was habing some time with the baby, she started rooting and getting a bit fratchy amd he disn't want to disturb the OP. A sort of 'ok lets see if this will work for a bit amd give your mum some peace and quiet'
It's the sort of thing my DH would think.

Nicknacky · 10/04/2014 11:45

I've thought about offering my nipple to my baby when she's been upset and I'm not breast feeding now. Surely it's just an extension of that?

rightsaid · 10/04/2014 11:48

My 8wo son often tries to suckle on my or my DP (he's been exclusively bottle fed from birth, never so much as seen a nipple) but sometimes he 'dives' sidewards and tries to latch on to a boob/pec/chest/arm/whatever he lands on. Usually when he's overtired rather than hungry too. I assumed it was just instinct. Maybe your DH was attempting skin-to-skin when the baby's rooting instinct kicked in.

Wouldn't bother me, anyway, sure he was just doing whatever he could to calm the baby.

BuntyCollocks · 10/04/2014 11:58

Wouldn't worry me. Men in different cultures allow their babies to suckle. Meh. If baby was genuinely hungry they wouldn't settle, if it was just comfort, he bought you a bit more sleep.

Maybe ask him to make sure he's not hairy, though!

NomDeClavier · 10/04/2014 12:00

Wouldn't worry me tbh. DD has managed to latch on to DH while doing skin to skin. She then pulled off with a disgusted look as if to say 'WTF is all this hair in my dinner?'! His response was pretty much 'meh if she wants to then whatever but there's no milk'.

It is his baby too - his child that he wants to comfort and bond with. I can see how many trains of thought might lead him to trying to let baby suckle, virtually none of them sinister.

Ploppy16 · 10/04/2014 12:01

It's a cultural thing Bunty? Never knew that, off to google. Different child rearing practices really interest me Smile