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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP trying to BF the baby....

205 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 10:12

That's just it really, I walked into the room after being downstairs for half an hour or so and DP was slumped over the baby in a funny position. He had no top on and looked like he was trying to BF her- in fact I'm pretty sure he was.
I said to him- "Are you trying to breastfeed our daughter?" and his response was "She's my baby too". He wouldn't entertain any more conversation on the subject- so I left it.
Honestly though- is that a bit weird? Has he crossed a line? Is it funny? Was he just being resourceful? I genuinely don't know how to feel about this... Haven't spoken to anyone else about it in RL

OP posts:

Gen35 · 10/04/2014 12:09

My doula totally icked me out by telling me grandmothers frequently suckle their gdc in many cultures and it's very easy to relactate once you've bf a baby! The idea of DM or mil feeding dd was appalling!

isitme1 · 10/04/2014 12:10

Wouldn't bother me.
Dh sleeps bare chested and when I would go to the toilet during the night and baby wasnt settling or first thing in the morning baby would try and go for dh nipple.
If baby did that and then settled maybe your dh stayed in that position to keep her quite?

HoldOnHoldOnSoldier · 10/04/2014 12:14

Wouldn't worry me at all, I bf all my dc and many a times they would try to latch on to whoever was closest, If I walked in on my ex letting my dc suckle his nipple and the dc was comforted by that I wouldn't have batted an eye tbh. Ploppy I also had a nose sucking baby

I was having a conversation with my mil the other week about bf (not sure why as my youngest is 8) Anyhow she told me when she used to look after her dgc when their mum was at work, if she couldn't settle them she would let them latch on for comfort, she hadn't produced milk for over 20 years at that point. I did not find that weird either.

Gen35 · 10/04/2014 12:16

I think a definition of terms helps too - I might personally think latching on if not lactating is weird, but not wrong and certainly not a sign of abuse in itself.

Original poster

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 10/04/2014 12:20

Just to clarify, I have no issues with DP and his parenting ability or suitablility and trust him with all of our lives, obs.
I think the "She's my baby too" sort of meant "If you can do it, then so can I" or "I'm allowed to do whatever I see fit, as she's my child as well" and yes, the tone in which i asked was a bit accusing "Are you trying to breastfeed our daughter? "

DD will try to latch onto anything that moves even if she's just been fed and we co sleep and EBF her so I'm assuming that she just lunged for his nipple whilst having a cuddle in bed and he just went with it.

OP posts:

AlpacaYourThings · 10/04/2014 12:21

Oh no, sorry. I would find DM or MIL BF'ing rather odd, can't put my finger on why though.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 12:46

Aww bless.

This reminds me of when my male dog tried to breastfeed our puppies. He was so confused.

rabbitlady · 10/04/2014 13:17

its not weird, its what his nipples are for - babysitting.
don't leave the baby there too long, she needs to be at your breast to stimulate milk supply.

TarkaTheOtter · 10/04/2014 13:31

Really wouldn't bother me. I expect he was embarrassed and defensive. Also, are you sure he didn't miss hear you and thought you'd said "are you trying to breastfeed my daughter".

I remember dh being a bit jealous after our NCT breastfeeding session. It went away when our baby was born with tt and shredded my nipples.

kinkytoes · 10/04/2014 13:47

Is it just me that finds it a little bit cute?

rumbleinthrjungle · 10/04/2014 13:53

It's possible with a gay female couple that if one of them has a baby the other can lactate and feed too, and with friends who tried this it was important to both of them. It wouldn't worry me, and I can understand that some dads might see the emotional connection between their partner and child when BF is going well and feel the wish that they could provide for their child in this way.

monkeynuts123 · 10/04/2014 13:59

Tell your HV. Odd. Very odd. Is he usually possessive and jealous?

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 14:00

Why in gods name should she tell her health visitor?

Maybe he just wanted to feel what it's like for mum? Nothing wrong with that.

NurseyWursey · 10/04/2014 14:03

I think what's more weird is people saying it's weird and 'red flags'. You're sexualising the nipple. Which surely is something we've been trying to get away from. They can be used for comfort.

BertieBotts · 10/04/2014 14:07

"Red flag" wouldn't even occur to me in this situation. That's just bizarre.

My first thought was that he was having skin to skin contact which is normal, beneficial, recommended, and if anything maybe the baby got confused and tried to latch on, it certainly happened with mine!

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 10/04/2014 14:09

what response is the HV supposed to give?

I could see anything from bemusement, to laughing to an ahh bless or an oh right and eyeing the Dad odd. I don't think it would trigger anything else.

I honestly don't get why people are trying to make out it's sinister.

sortofmaybeworried · 10/04/2014 14:10

Why is this weird or possessive or - ffs - a red flag?

To me it sounds awkward, more than anything - like the baby might have gone for a latch, or that he was at his wits end about calming, or even that he was curious about how it felt, given that bfing is such a large part of your (and his) baby's life.

It's not a story I'd share with all my mates, but it unless there are other concerns, this sounds like something you should make light out of, he's probably just embarrassed.

DH always said he was incredibly curious about it and kind of wishes he had the option, especially with DS2, who has been milk crazy from birth and recovers from any upset the moment he makes contact with magic milk boobs

IHaveAFifthSense · 10/04/2014 14:14

I don't think it's weird in a "he's dodgy" way, more weird in a "wtf?" giggly way.

MooncupGoddess · 10/04/2014 14:16

Finally, a purpose for men's nipples! Maybe this is why they've retained them when evolution suggests they'd be unnecessary.

EvaBeaversProtege · 10/04/2014 14:25

Omg. "Tell your health visitor"

Wise. The. Fuck. Up.

AlpacaYourThings · 10/04/2014 14:33

Tell your HV. Odd. Very odd. Is he usually possessive and jealous?

WTF?

neontetra · 10/04/2014 14:41

My mom told me ages ago about an article she read on this. Seemed to be fairly common. Dads just exploring ways of comforting their babies. Nothing to worry about at all OP, but I would try to discuss it with him to reassure you both.

fifi669 · 10/04/2014 14:43

Bless him giving it a go! I imagine it must be weird for blokes to be so outside of the mummy/baby closeness. I'd find it hilarious and prob rib DP forever :)

notfromstepford · 10/04/2014 14:44

Really wouldn't worry me at all. Curiosity, trying to establish a closer bond maybe? Nothing wrong IMO.
As him not talking about it - he was probably really embarrassed and felt stupid. I'm with Crazy all the red flag mentions are completely unjustified.

Indith · 10/04/2014 14:47

God if my ds2 would latch on to dh and give me some peace at night I'd be thrilled .

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