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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my dad being UR to not want to give me this money?

173 replies

FluffedUpFerretOnSteroids · 08/04/2014 18:50

My dad is giving me a mega guilt trip :(
I am 17, and have the opportunity to be earning my own money. My dad is furious and doesn't want me to do it. If I get my own money he gets less benefits and he keeps saying he will be really broke and can't manage etc.

He wants to compromise by giving me £50 a week instead ( a bit less than what I would get) and from now on I'll have to buy my own food etc. for when I'm at his house.

I'm not sure what to do, my dad is saying I'm being really selfish and making him broke, my mum says he is being selfish and I should be allowed to have my own money.

OP posts:

Greythorne · 08/04/2014 18:52

Your dad is deranged.

DIYapprentice · 08/04/2014 18:53

And what sort of benefits would he get if you never stayed at his house? I assume much less. So let him try that on for size and then see what he says.

For what it's worth, I think he is BU, and I think encouraging a 17 year old to earn their own money and gain some independence is a parent's job.

whitepuddingsupper · 08/04/2014 18:56

He is being a twat. Take the job and let him sort out his own budget, it's his problem not yours. Won't any benefits related to you stop when you turn 18 anyway?

thatstoast · 08/04/2014 18:57

Do you live with him? If not you shouldn't have any impact on his benefits surely? If you do live with him you should come to some arrangement about your keep now that you're working.

LindyHemming · 08/04/2014 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wobblyweebles · 08/04/2014 18:58

He gets less money and you have more...

Perhaps you could make up for his loss in benefits by contributing something to his household running costs when you are there? Find a compromise somewhere?

complexnumber · 08/04/2014 18:58

If you start earning, would you be able to pay him board and lodging? Or would you expect to keep it all?

Could this offset the reductions in benefits.

Have you had enough of education? I would always encourage someone to stay in education as long as possible, but I understand there comes a time when you might have had enough of the classroom.

Original poster

FluffedUpFerretOnSteroids · 08/04/2014 18:59

I don't live with him but he claims for me anyway, it's not a job it would be a carers allowance.
It makes me feel really guilty and I'd feel terrible if it did affect his lifestyle :(

OP posts:

DIYapprentice · 08/04/2014 19:01

You don't live with him but he claims for you anyway????!!!! Sod that!!! He is using you. I'm sorry Fluffed, but this is not good behaviour.

Go and do what you want. If he can't get by on benefits he can get his act together and do something to earn some of his own money.

LavenderGreen14 · 08/04/2014 19:02

so he is claiming you live with him but you don't? I hope that doesn't get you into trouble.

Amytheflag · 08/04/2014 19:02

So he wants you to help him commit benefit fraud? Or am I misunderstanding?

SaucyJack · 08/04/2014 19:03

Does he need the money to cover the costs of your food/board/rent on an extra bedroom when you are there? If so, then he isn't being that U.

It's an unfortunate fact of life that stuff needs paying for.

HecatePropylaea · 08/04/2014 19:03

It is important that you are independent. Earn your own money and make your own way in the world. Your dad cannot and should not expect you to help him to maintain his benefits at the expense of your own employment!

For how long would he like you to be unemployed so that his benefits remain unaffected? If you are 17 then he will stop getting anything for you soon anyway, but you will have lost a job opportunity.

Is your primary home with your dad? If he becomes difficult, could you change it to your mum?

If you have a job then you should contribute to the family finances by paying rent etc. This should help your dad.

HecatePropylaea · 08/04/2014 19:04

x post. Well, if you don't live there but he claims for you anyway then he is breaking the law and he is therefore being even more unreasonable.

His lifestyle is not your problem. Take the job.

pinkyredrose · 08/04/2014 19:05

What is he claiming?

HecatePropylaea · 08/04/2014 19:05

the carers allowance, I mean. I assume you live with the person who you will be caring for?

salsmum · 08/04/2014 19:05

I'm confused Fluff are you saying ATM YOU are getting paid as his carer and if you get a job your Dad will have to get another carer ..OR...is he getting carers allowance for YOU? Can we have some more info on this please I 'm not sure it's cut and dry as first seems....or am I being dim? .

itsmeitscathy · 08/04/2014 19:07

So you will be caring for someone for 35 hours a week to get this money presumably?

destructogirl · 08/04/2014 19:08

I'm her mum.
She lives with me. After the new child benefit rule, I stopped claiming child benefit for her, so he started. I think he gets income support for her as well and by claiming for her he avoids the bedroom tax.

When younger she would spend every weekend there, now it's maybe every other weekend if she doesn't have plans with friends.

I think he's a cheeky bloody bastard. He's never paid a penny for her, only interested in what he can gain.

Original poster

FluffedUpFerretOnSteroids · 08/04/2014 19:09

I hope it don't get me into trouble considering I want to be a cop

OP posts:

LiberalLibertine · 08/04/2014 19:09

Ah right, so you want to claim carers allowance for the person you live with? Your mum perhaps?

But you are down as living with him? Is that right?

How does your mum/whoever you live with cope without that money now?

Seems unfair, as well as illegal.

He is definitely being unreasonable.

destructogirl · 08/04/2014 19:10

I was interested in her claiming carers allowance for me. She lives with me, I'm ill, I struggle to manage without her help.
If she claimed carers for me it would be above board, she will do 35 hours.

LiberalLibertine · 08/04/2014 19:10

Sorry x post.

Groovee · 08/04/2014 19:11

After reading your mum's post, go and take the job!

Original poster

FluffedUpFerretOnSteroids · 08/04/2014 19:12

I think my mum is coping fine my step dad earns a fair amount, my dad has been saying he will not cope very well and really lays in in thick when I see him.

OP posts:

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