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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cake ban

227 replies

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:48

I probably was being a bit unreasonable I think.

This afternoon we were invited to DM as dsis was there and db and his wife and dcs. Usually for this sort of thing dm gets cakes,biscuits etc.

I said we would go but that there were to be no cakes/biscuits etc at all as dd2 has type 1 diabetes, her blood sugar was high and she had already had a correction injection in the morning so although if she had wanted a cake we could have given another injection, it rarely works out how it should and she either has blood sugar too high or if we misjudge it goes too low.
Dd2 is four and so would want a cake if everybody else was having one even if we explain why she couldn't and probably would have wanted more than one as the other children always have a couple.
DM said it was fine (which surprised me as she can be a bit difficult at times) but I could tell she felt awkward just offering drinks.

I've been thinking about it and I keep wondering if I was bu or if what I did was ok given the circumstances?

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 06/04/2014 21:52

Unfortunately I think that you are going to hve to take your child into situations where there are things Your child can't eat.
I don't think you have a right to say there would be no cakes etc, you could politely ask or ask that people were sensitive about eating them but I think it was unreasonable to insist on a ban at someone else's house.

BadRoly · 06/04/2014 21:53

I think if I was your dsis so knew that my 4yo niece had type 1 diabetes, I would be surprised if there HAD been cake or biscuits around to snack on.

Itsounds like your DM supported your request and you are overthinking it - meant kindly not harshly!

Sharaluck · 06/04/2014 21:53

Maybe you could have said you would bring the food. Savory food so sausage rolls, crackers/cheese/dips etc. and then you could explain the no sweet food issue. Would be good for them to see alternatives.

UniS · 06/04/2014 21:53

Do you have any OK for dd2 snacks that the rest of the family might like? Is that something you and your family can talk about for future get together of this kind.

badidea · 06/04/2014 21:55

I think its unreasonable to expect everyone (mabye 6 people?) to go without cake/biscuits for the sake of one person attending. My son is 4, but if we went somewhere and he knew he couldn't have something for whatever reason, he might grump a bit, but he'd accept it.

I think YABU - it was your mums house, she was inviting people (including you) and basically you told her how to do the catering (and she was probably left feeling awkward for the other adults and kids who may well have fancied a cake or looked forward to goign there for the cake).

I don't think the specific circs of your daughters diabetes justify it really.

I mean I'm sure going without has probably done everyone more good than not, so hardly any lasting damage, but I do think it's a bad precedent to set (cue, your mum phoning everytime she invites guests, to ask you what she is allowed to offer...)

Sirzy · 06/04/2014 21:55

Its a hard one, I don't think you were necessarily unreasonable to ask in this case but realistically its not something you will always be able to control. I assume your DD will soon be getting invites to parties and whatever which are situations you won't be able to control what others are served so in the long run you are still going to have to tackle the problem of getting your DD to understand what she can and can't eat and when.

Not fair on her I know and very difficult situation for her (and you)

Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 21:56

Could you have made a cake that would be suitable for her? She is going to have to get used to not being able to have things. When my DD was 4, she was able to understand why she was not allowed certain things. Could you find a way to explain or provide an alternative so she is not missing out?

BadRoly · 06/04/2014 21:56

In an ideal world I agree with you Hopping but I currently have a 4yo who would kick off big time if he had to go without what everyone else is having AND this was in the Op's family 'home' with her family!

If they can't be understanding and sympathetic towards their granddaughter/niece then it's a bit sad!

Original poster

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:56

It is just so difficult, currently waiting for a pump which would help so much.
Usually we have taken dd to parties, pre school fun days etc, tried to work out the dose to cover her having for example 1 cake but it never works out, blood sugar goes too high/low. Other times we've tried to explain that she just can't have anything but she's four and gets very upset and angry so I just thought today I'd say no cakes etc at all as then it wouldn't be an issue for the couple of hours and w could just have a cup of tea,see family without any drama.

OP posts:

Sharaluck · 06/04/2014 21:56

I think it is nice to have some food to eat at a gathering like this.

WooWooOwl · 06/04/2014 21:57

I would make some suggestions of things your mum could offer instead that everyone would enjoy but that would be safe for your dd. I can understand your mum feeling awkward at not being able to offer anything except drinks, a lot of my older relatives would be the same, despite understanding the issue.

If she bakes, you could seek out some recipes she could use and give her some sugar substitute like xylitol, or maybe offer to do the baking and bring some cake yourself.

Lara145 · 06/04/2014 21:57

Yabu

ShoeWhore · 06/04/2014 21:59

I think that in this situation my mum would be really supportive and be trying to think of alternative snacks to offer that were suitable for everyone. So I think YANBU.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:59

Even savoury snacks no good when her blood sugar is high, she can have things like cheese, cucumber or sugar free jelly as contain no carbs or sugar but if everybody else has a cake she gets quite upset.

Really can't wait for her pump as then it'll be much easier with snacks.

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 06/04/2014 21:59

I think you need to start, as a family, to think of other things that can be available. Rather than everyone having nothing.

My dd has a peanut allergy and she had to learn that she couldn't have things that other people are having. Birthday cakes at parties etc. it's a part of her life.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:00

Even a cake made with sweetener contains carbs which would elevate her blood sugar and a lot of sweeteners cause her to have an upset stomach.

OP posts:

MammaTJ · 06/04/2014 22:01

It's nice that you finally appear to be getting some family support. I look forward to reading that she finally has her pump, it will make a lot of difference.

CrohnicallyChanging · 06/04/2014 22:02

I think you need to find some treats/recipes that suit DD so you can offer her a safe alternative in situations like this. You could go for artificially sweetened things (like sugar free jelky) or if you want to avoid sweeteners you can play around with other recipes- I used to bake 'four nut chocolate brownies' with half the sugar and serve with full fat Greek yoghurt when I had diet controlled gestational diabetes, and they didn't affect my blood sugar levels.

Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 22:02

It really is best to take your own food then as you know exactly what she can and can't have. You can make it into a game and her own special food box

She will get upset but she will get used to it. It is a new way of life but if you can bake her some tasty alternatives then that will go a long way to helping her

Original poster

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:02

My ds has severe food allergies, but he has never ever made a fuss and has always sat there while others had cakes or similar that he can't eat. He would either have some fruit or nothing and not complain even from a very young age.
Dd2 for some reason goes absolutely mad and gets very very upset.

OP posts:

BlackDaisies · 06/04/2014 22:02

I think it sounds really difficult. Maybe it would have been easier all round if you'd suggested you get there after everyone else had eaten any snacks. But YANBU to want to spend some chilled time with your family without worrying about your little dd.

Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 22:03

What will you do about birthday parties? There is always cake there. Will you not take her?

Original poster

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:05

She just wants to be the same as everybody else and wants the exact same food. If the other dcs all had an Easter cake (DM had got the cadburys ones with mini eggs/flakes on etc and French fancies) and dd2 just had some cheese and cucumber (her blood sugar was 18 this aft) she would have gone mad!

OP posts:

CoffeeTea103 · 06/04/2014 22:06

I think you are ridiculous if you think that every situation should cater to one person. So will you not allow your child to attend parties, play dates, etc?

Sharaluck · 06/04/2014 22:06

Cheese sandwiches? I think some food would have been good. And then dm could prepare the same for next time.

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