Cake ban

[Edenviolet]

I probably was being a bit unreasonable I think.

This afternoon we were invited to DM as dsis was there and db and his wife and dcs. Usually for this sort of thing dm gets cakes,biscuits etc.

I said we would go but that there were to be no cakes/biscuits etc at all as dd2 has type 1 diabetes, her blood sugar was high and she had already had a correction injection in the morning so although if she had wanted a cake we could have given another injection, it rarely works out how it should and she either has blood sugar too high or if we misjudge it goes too low.
Dd2 is four and so would want a cake if everybody else was having one even if we explain why she couldn't and probably would have wanted more than one as the other children always have a couple.
DM said it was fine (which surprised me as she can be a bit difficult at times) but I could tell she felt awkward just offering drinks.

I've been thinking about it and I keep wondering if I was bu or if what I did was ok given the circumstances?

and she's happy till her cousins want another

How old is her cousin? Frankly someone needs to explain that when cousinhedgehog is around there are NO seconds (and possibly no firsts). He'll live. It wont hurt the other healthy members of her family to be sensitive to her needs while you're all learning how to manage her condition.

I also think, if I was your SIL/sister, I'd treat it as a lesson for my own kids. They need to learn about their cousin's diabetes and it's just basic politeness not to have treats if they're not available for everybody. I wouldn't worry about that.

You can't always expect others to understand properly even when you have explained what the issue is. Best to sort her food out yourself to be doubly sure

And also let her keep going mad - she will learn eventually

In the meantime, learn to make some delicious cakes that won't cause her a problem, you can make into a fun activity for you both

I think you did the right thing

If have a child with food allergies and I would never expect anybody else (including family) to exclude certain foods from their house. I will ask that they don't leave certain foods within reach of my child (to prevent an allergic reaction), but I wouldn't stop them from having whatever foods they like to eat.
What I normally do is take a selection of foods along that my child can eat, so if everyone is having cake I will take an allergen free cake along and serve it to my child when everybody else is eating cake. You have to adapt and learn to fit your child's dietary needs around everyone else as it simply won't work the other way around.

I would feel absolutely terrible about eating biscuits or giving my DS biscuits in front of a four year old who would either be upset or ill as a result. Four is very small still, it's hard to be different.

YANBU. It sounds like hopefully it won't be a long term problem but you're obviously struggling at the moment.

Cousins are 11 and 4 and it s the 4 year old who always wants second (and third) cakes and to be fair to her, she's lovely and very good at sharing so always tries to get a cake for dd as well or share hers which dd can't have so it just ends up a bit of an ordeal.

I just thought today that I'd like to see db and for dcs to all play with their cousins but for it to be calm and not with the usual issue around food, either dd having extra injection or getting upset. Just the once where there was no food to cause an issue!

Have you thought about a non food treat? Maybe DD doesn't get cake but she gets to watch cbeebies for 5 mins, or page of stickers? Points towards a bugger treat like day out?

You need to move conversation from what she doesn't get. DS has bad egg allergy & I bake special cakes for him, keep some in GP's freezer etc but sometimes I just say no

Four is old enough to start reasoning, but it's also a stroppy age (as I well know). You need a new solution as parties will always happen.

Waterfalls1 what is your problem. She said that on a day like this there's nothing at all like cake her dd can have.

4 year olds can be excused tantrums when they're struggling with their disability, can adults be excused a tantrum because they prioritised one slice of cake over their little relative at a family gathering?

I just can't understand what kind of a person could enjoy a cake in front of a kid who couldn't have it and was upset about it, especially when it's their own close relative!

But, impatientismymiddlename, the OP can't take an allergen free cake. If her DDs blood sugar is too high then there's no cake she can have.

I keep reading how in previous times you've tried to make her injections coincide with what she was going to eat. I think you'll really be doing her and yourself a service if you get her used to eating what she can have now. If she acts up treat it just like any other tantrum.

Not meaning to be harsh but if you want to have her not stand out start getting her used to the fact she can't have some things others have and focus on the positive things she can have. Feeling sorry for her will make her feel sorry for herself and Will make her stand out. Bringing something she Can have will eventually empower her and you. You certainly didn't give into every tantrum she has when younger did you? I'd treat this just the same. Like I said, I hope that didn't come off harshly. It's got to be hard. Good luck.

It would be easier if dd2 was like ds1(he has severe food allergies and rarely gets to join in with treats) but he just doesn't mind in the slightest, neve has done we have just said he can't have x,y,z and that it as milk or egg in and he's said "ok" and accepted the alternative or gone without and not ever complained even when he was 1 and above (he's 7 now) but dd2 is a completely different character and has taken it all very badly.
She never complains about the injections anymore or the cannula from her bg monitor but she gets very upset about the food.

impatient this isn't an allergy. This is a condition that if not properly managed could have very serious consequences.

Of course many primary schools do completely ban nuts where there is a child at risk of a serious reaction to them so I really don't think this analogy is applicable here.

Given that it was a family gathering I don't think you were being unreasonable - it's probably good for everyone to break the habit of "gathering = munching" anyway!

i've been in your daughter's shoes (as it were) & it can be horrible. It was decades ago so on 2 mixed injections a which meant fixed snacks (whether hungry or not) of fixed amounts at set times...and always feeling like the oddball at school. I think it's lovely that your family were willing to remove the more obvious reminders of her difference just for a bit today - after all, you never get a break from diabetes.

Just a thought - have you tried different timings with her insulin? It's a black art judging it (after all exercise, room temp, amount of sleep, health, stress levels etc etc etc all have an effect on blood sugar levels!) but for slower sugar spiking higher fat foods like pasta with cheesey sauce injecting just before she eats might help reduce late sugar spikes whereas for fast hitting stuff like chocolate crispy cakes with flakes / icing etc you might find injecting 10 mins for eg earlier might help with the quick spikes (depends what insulin she is on though re peak action, & there is the risk of hypos)...

Sorry, gone off track a bit but brilliant that your daughter is getting a pump - I finally got one a few years ago & it has literally been life changingly fab!

Dd2 ha s terrible issues with food now so I think partly its because of that as well. She keeps trying to steal and hoard food in her little handbags and gets so unhappy.
She looks through recipe books at the cakes and tries to draw pictures of them , its almost an obsession. If she sees a cake I can't reason with her and bargain as all she wants is the cake so I thought if its not there she won't want it.

Dd2 knows when she has a pump it will be easier, she has an appt tomorrow and she is excited just as much as we are as it will mean we can just press a button when she wants a snack rather than an injection and if she wanted more after that we would just give another dose with the pump.

Abbierhodes - so you take something else as a treat even if it's non food. Typical 4 year olds are capable of understanding that certain things will make them very poorly. You cannot expect everyone else to revolve their eating habits around your child, even if he is only 4.

Goodness. This was a family gathering. If this was my daughter or sister and my niece, I'd be happy to forgo cakes and biscuits over a few hours to make a young child with a tough condition feel part of the family and not all different to her family. Seriously, most normal loving families would I think. It's not as if less cakes and biscuits would have anything other than a positive impact on health. Really surprised forgoing a sweet treat is such a big deal for some people.

Usually dd2 can be reasoned with if her blood sugar is not too high. Today it was high and she was an emotional wreck and irritable, thirsty and fidgety. The absence of food and the problems it raises meant she could play with her cousins, drink plenty of water and wait for the correction dose of insulin to lower her blood sugar so it wasn't too bad an afternoon at all.

You cannot expect everyone else to revolve their eating habits around your child

Its not everyone, its not a meal, its just a few close family members for a couple of hours, while she's waiting for a pump that makes everyones life a bit easier.

Is it so much to ask them to not stuff their faces for an hour?

impatient this isn't an allergy. This is a condition that if not properly managed could have very serious consequences.

Allergies can have very serious consequences too. Anaphylaxis can be fatal in the same way as a spike in insulin levels. I still think the onus is on the person with the medical issue and not everyone else. It is a parents responsibility to educate a child about not eating certain foods as the parent needs to know that the child can moderate their eating when they are out of the parents view.
This child must eat some foods, so you take some of those to offer the child and if those foods are boring them you take a non food treat along too so that the child can be rewarded and appeased in another way.

Not meaning to be harsh but if you want to have her not stand out start getting her used to the fact she can't have some things others have and focus on the positive things she can have. Feeling sorry for her will make her feel sorry for herself and Will make her stand out. Bringing something she Can have will eventually empower her and you. You certainly didn't give into every tantrum she has when younger did you? I'd treat this just the same

Yes good advice

Bless her, it's hard... I was in a sense lucky in being diagnosed as a baby, so I don't remember not being diabetic, but even without having to give up things I'd liked (e.g the ability to eat cake relatively freely!) it was horrible enough. Is there any psychological support available via your daughter's diabetic clinic Hedgehog? Seems it might be worth looking at, as unresolved it could become quite an issue, especially as she gets older & body conscious. Best of luck tomorrow, btw depending what pump she has you can get funky pouches / skins to personalise it a bit, & lots of the people I know with pumps have named them too!

OP - have you tried these low glucose cakes (they use almond meal instead of flour and sugar substitutes).
www.diabetes.co.uk/food/baking-diabetic-cakes.html

I think some people are being a little harsh. Yes of course she has to get used to it eventually.

But we're talking about a 4 year old child who is having to get used to regular injections, and feeling unwell, and not always being able to have the same treats as everyone else. And on this one day, her mum asked her family to go without treats for an hour or so in order to avoid upset.

She's 4. I have a 4 year old, they're still so very little.

I still think the onus is on the person with the medical issue and not everyone else. It is a parents responsibility to educate a child about not eating certain foods

Definitely