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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cake ban

227 replies

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:48

I probably was being a bit unreasonable I think.

This afternoon we were invited to DM as dsis was there and db and his wife and dcs. Usually for this sort of thing dm gets cakes,biscuits etc.

I said we would go but that there were to be no cakes/biscuits etc at all as dd2 has type 1 diabetes, her blood sugar was high and she had already had a correction injection in the morning so although if she had wanted a cake we could have given another injection, it rarely works out how it should and she either has blood sugar too high or if we misjudge it goes too low.
Dd2 is four and so would want a cake if everybody else was having one even if we explain why she couldn't and probably would have wanted more than one as the other children always have a couple.
DM said it was fine (which surprised me as she can be a bit difficult at times) but I could tell she felt awkward just offering drinks.

I've been thinking about it and I keep wondering if I was bu or if what I did was ok given the circumstances?

OP posts:

PloddingDaily · 09/04/2014 15:37

Hi Spotty, the meter/remote does tell you about 'bob' - bolus on board, & you can set ratios for carbs, corrections due to stress / illness etc. mine came with 3 (3!!!) manuals, I've had it nearly 3 yrs & still to finish the advanced one! I still don't use all the functions (square wave bolus, split bolus etc) because a) I'm a lazy git & haven't got round to it yet & b) most of the time I don't need those features or can use a temporary change in basal (background) rate.

It's bliss being able to have a small snack (say a biscuit or small apple) & actually be able to effectively & accurately bolus for it (can do 0.1u increments, yippeee!!) instead of the old days of say do 1 u by pen and for it to have little or no effect or 2u & go hypo! Curiously I've got better control ofmy weight despite the apparent increased temptation as I'm not always 'eating up' to the minimum effective crude dose but can be far more accurately controlled. Happy days!

LtColGrinch · 09/04/2014 15:56

She just wants to be the same as everybody else and wants the exact same food

Unfortunately, the sooner she realises she isn't and can't, the better she'll deal with it.....

Original poster

Edenviolet · 09/04/2014 16:10

I think that will come with time and maturity. Some days she is very good about it all, other days when her blood sugar is already high (which really affects her mood and understanding) it is very difficult.
99% of the time we try to explain to her and deal with situations like I mentioned in my op but on Sunday it was just a bit too much and I opted for the easy way out.

OP posts:

LtColGrinch · 09/04/2014 16:24

True, can't be easy for her (or you)...

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 09/04/2014 16:27

She is four years old.
It was your family
YANBU

Original poster

Edenviolet · 09/04/2014 16:31

We will get there! Its true its not easy but it could be worse so I keep reminding myself of that.

OP posts:

Impatientismymiddlename · 09/04/2014 17:04

Would you consider taking along a sharing platter for everybody next time so that your dd can have the same as everybody else and your mum can be happy in the knowledge that her guests are being fed?
If everybody is eating cucumber and cheese etc then surely your dd will be happy and everyone else is happy.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 09/04/2014 17:08

I could try it. Might take a bit of getting used to for everybody else as they are all very much 'tea and cake' people!

OP posts:

Impatientismymiddlename · 09/04/2014 17:14

I think everyone (especially your mum) would appreciate it. You could put olives , cheese and ham for the adults (is ham carb free?) and you could take little pots of sugar free jelly for the children (obviously everybody could eat all of those things). The children would realise that nanny doesn't have cake every time we visit but she has other nice things to eat.
It would save worrying about your mum having no food to serve vs your dd having a meltdown because everyone else has cake and she can't have any.

Cigarettesandsmirnoff · 09/04/2014 17:16

^^^^^ that's a good idea !

Andro · 09/04/2014 17:21

Maybe she should leave the room if she is going to get mad and want cake?

What an utterly vindictive suggestion! I've been the child sent to another room because everyone else was having something that would have made me very ill or killed me, I've been that child, the one who's dietary needs are incompatible with other peoples' desires. It's isolating, it's hurtful (especially when you're very young) and that any adult thinks that punishing a child by excluding them is an acceptable way to manage a serious health issue...I'm beyond words (I thought only my mother was that unpleasant).

Tessdurbevilliespoon · 09/04/2014 17:47

I would say you were being a little bit unreasonable tbh, I have a very dear friend who has had type 1 since childhood and she has told me that she often felt guilty as a child because people (without checking with her parents) would assume that they shouldn't have sweets around her and so her brothers missed out, it left her with a few food issues as an adult so I think you need to be careful how you handle it. Kids can sense if there's an elephant in the room.

I don't mean to sound critical, my daughter has problems with gluten, dairy, eggs, peas and beans so I know how hard it can be, but if I refused to allow family members to serve foods containing these when she is around we would never go out! I assume that all the key adults in your daughter's life know what she can and can't eat so there would have been plenty of watchful eyes.

I also suggest taking safe snacks, we do in a sealed lunchbox, my daughter knows only to eat from that unless I give her something else.

Tessdurbevilliespoon · 09/04/2014 17:49

My daughter is 3 btw

Dreamer789 · 09/04/2014 17:56

What an utterly vindictive suggestion! I've been the child sent to another room because everyone else was having something that would have made me very ill or killed me

If she goes mad whilst others are eating cake, that is the better option? It is not vindictive to make her stay in their room and watch others eat cake when she is not able to handle it?

Sixgeese · 09/04/2014 17:58

We have diabetes in our family, my uncle, cousin, BIL and niece all have it. Sometimes there will be things that they can't eat, sometimes there will be things that they can eat but the others can't.

When my DCousin was visiting as a child he was allowed biscuits and "special sweets" glucose tablets when we weren't, and I guess there were times that DSis and I ate things he wasn't allowed.

My Dniece was also a smallish child when she was diagnosed, there are times when she can't eat the pudding at meal times or lick the spoon when they are cooking with my DM (she is also coeliac, so if you think it is hard with a diabetic child, try feeding a diabetic coeliac child), but there are also times when her blood sugars are low when she gets out her jelly babies and selects which ones she wants slowly and tells my smaller DC that they can't have them. We just tell them that sometimes there are things just for them and sometimes just for her.

It is getting easier as they get older, and now her blood sugar is more stable, she had really bad highs at the start (and sometimes her parents still have to get up in the night to test her blood sugar) but is a lot better now.

skinnyamericano · 09/04/2014 18:00

She's 4 years old, with a pretty crappy lifestyle to deal with - I think anything to make her and OP's life a little easier is all well and good.

I'm sure you wouldn't expect friends to change plans for you, but it is certainly not unreasonable to hope for a little family support.

YADNU.

Andro · 09/04/2014 18:19

If she goes mad whilst others are eating cake, that is the better option? It is not vindictive to make her stay in their room and watch others eat cake when she is not able to handle it?

The better option is to take a bit of time to teach her, preferably when her sugars are not high. At 4 years old it is not too much to ask for her family to be accommodating occasionally (OP hasn't suggested she would ask this all the time), isolating her would be punishing her for not yet fully understanding her condition...and making her sit there and watch would just rub her nose in it. Appropriate 'diabetic friendly' snacks would be the better option once OP's DD has her sugars under control. I have no doubt that in time OP's DD will manage social situations much better, it takes time though (and a little patience from those closest to her).

It is horrific to know that only reason you've been sent out of a room is because 'you're not normal and are getting emotional about it', it's torture to sit in the same room as others who are tucking into something you wish you could eat and no-one has thought to (or in some cases been able to) take your needs into any kind of account.

No-one having cake - as a one off - was the kind, considerate, inclusive option in this instance.

MrsFlorrick · 09/04/2014 19:00

Look up ideas for low carb no sugar baking. You can make amazing low carb cakes.

Eg. Almond flour with sugar substitute (stevia works well but there are loads of others), with butter, eggs cream and cocoa powder and obv baking powder. Makes an amazing dense rich delicious brownie type cake. Low carb so no blood sugar spikes like you get with sugary cake.

And you can top it with a butter cream topping (butter cream cheese and sugar substitute) for special celebrations.

There are loads of low carb carrot cake versions too if you google.

MrsFlorrick · 09/04/2014 19:02

Stevia and diabetes here: healthyeating.sfgate.com/can-diabetics-use-stevia-5868.html

Impatientismymiddlename · 09/04/2014 19:45

Even I am shocked that people think the 4 year old should be made to leave the room whilst others eat cake. That would be akin to punishing a child for having a medical condition. I might not agree that other people should be banned from eating (although I have concluded that carb free snacks could have been order of the day for everyone), but I think it would be very wrong to send a child to another room whilst everyone else enjoys themselves when they haven't been naughty

ShoeWhore · 09/04/2014 21:47

Sorry to hear your dd is unwell OP - hope she feels better very soon

Dreamer789 · 09/04/2014 21:55

Even I am shocked that people think the 4 year old should be made to leave the room whilst others eat cake. That would be akin to punishing a child for having a medical condition

It is not shocking to eat a cake in front of the 4 year old who can't have it in your opinion? That is not akin to punishing the child according to your view

Impatientismymiddlename · 09/04/2014 22:09

Not if you explain that it will make them very ill and offer something suitable or provide a non food treat instead. Sending children to their room is putting them in time out which is a punishment for being naughty.

Dreamer789 · 09/04/2014 22:26

That doesnt work because the DD goes mad wanting cake. That is why Hedgehog is avoiding exposure to cake in the incident she described

Original poster

Edenviolet · 09/04/2014 22:47

When dds blood sugar is within range she seems to understand that there are times she can't have certain foods, often after pre school if its a birthday sweets are given out and nine times out of ten dd just hands them to me either for "after dinner mummy or when I'm too low" so she does get it.
Once her blood sugar goes over 13 she starts to get irritable, tearful, angry and doesn't take anything very well, she just can't be reasoned with. On Sunday her blood sugar was really high so it wasn't worth attempting to put her in that situation.

OP posts:

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