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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cake ban

227 replies

Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 21:48

I probably was being a bit unreasonable I think.

This afternoon we were invited to DM as dsis was there and db and his wife and dcs. Usually for this sort of thing dm gets cakes,biscuits etc.

I said we would go but that there were to be no cakes/biscuits etc at all as dd2 has type 1 diabetes, her blood sugar was high and she had already had a correction injection in the morning so although if she had wanted a cake we could have given another injection, it rarely works out how it should and she either has blood sugar too high or if we misjudge it goes too low.
Dd2 is four and so would want a cake if everybody else was having one even if we explain why she couldn't and probably would have wanted more than one as the other children always have a couple.
DM said it was fine (which surprised me as she can be a bit difficult at times) but I could tell she felt awkward just offering drinks.

I've been thinking about it and I keep wondering if I was bu or if what I did was ok given the circumstances?

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:06

Up until now I've taken her to parties, tried to work out the carbs in the party food and given an extra injection but it never works out as it should using the carb:insulin ratio given by the hospital.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:08

Sandwiches no good really either as the bread has carbs and causes a rise in blood sugar. Dd is having real problems with control despite us carb counting hence the need for a pump ASAP as it is not working out at all.

OP posts:
Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 22:09

You are just going to let her be mad then as you can't expect the whole world to stop eating cakes and biscuits

Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 22:09

What have you done about the birthday cake at parties?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:11

I don't expect that at all, like I said up until now we have just taken her to parties etc and tried giving extra insulin but it hasn't worked out, she has a cold at the moment (which has made her blood sugars run a bit higher anyway) and I just didn't want her to get really upset today or have to have an extra injection that would either make no difference to her blood sugar or be too much and make it too low.

OP posts:
Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 22:14

If you didn't wanted her to get upset then the best thing to do is take complete control of what she eats and not leave it to others even your DM. Prepare your own food for her, take her out of the room when everyone eats cake

Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:14

Usually we have weighed it and worked out the carb content from the packaging and given her an extra injection based on that which in theory should work but for some reason she usually goes far too high even with the extra insulin but if we give a little extra on too she then goes too low (we can only work in half units so can often not get the exact right dose)

OP posts:
Sharaluck · 06/04/2014 22:15

Sorry I thought there was special diabetes bread you could use for her Blush
That is difficult. So there really are no types of savory party foods she can have?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:15

Why should she leave the room when everybody else eats? I don't want her to feel different so up till today it has been if they all have cake, she has her injection then has cake or like today everybody had nothing so she stays with everybody.

OP posts:
BlackDaisies · 06/04/2014 22:18

What you wanted today was fine. It wasn't some random party, it was your close family. Of course they would want your dd to relax. You can't control most situations, but YANBU to ask for support from close family on a day you were worrying about your dd.

Waterfalls1 · 06/04/2014 22:18

Maybe she should leave the room if she is going to get mad and want cake? Or you could leave her to get mad with the cake eaters?

badidea · 06/04/2014 22:18

Your daughter is going to have to get used to the fact that she just can't eat the same as everyone else (this may well take years) and until she does, you'll have to put up with an upset child at social events. You can't expect everyone else to miss out just to stop you from having to deal with an unruly pre-schooler.

SavoyCabbage · 06/04/2014 22:19

It must be hard and when you are at home I wouldn't have a piece of cake or whatever in front of her but it might be the right time to start letting her go mad.

I've been to parties where dd has just eaten the fruit and sung happy birthday round the cake. And ones where I've spent half an hour reading the ingredients on every packet. How can there be so much stuff in a chicken nugget!

My friends ds is on the failsafe diet. His food is really limited. He can have tinned pears in syrup. Not juice. And no other fruit at all. And loads of other things he can't have. I remember when he was allowed a crumpet. He was thrilled. Poor kid.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:19

If her blood sugar is within range she can have a snack of about 8g carbs mid am/mid pm which she shouldn't need extra insulin for. Anything over that 8g she needs extra insulin but its so, so difficult to get dose right.
She can in theory eat anything as long as we count the carbs, nothing is 'banned' as such but we have found that 20g carbs from cake is very different to 20g carbs from pasta or similar. The cake causes a massive high immediately and pasta causes a rise 1.5-2 hrs later so its not straightforward and her blood sugars are never good despite huge efforts from us.

OP posts:
Paintyfingers · 06/04/2014 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IamaBreastfeedingTramp · 06/04/2014 22:22

If she's having a pump fitted will that mean she can have more normal snacks in future?

If so, then just until that happens, I think it would be good if your family could be sensitive to her condition and not eat cake in front of her - not forever, but for a short time. And because she's only 4 and it must be really hard for you and her.

Of course, the OP can't tell everyone what to eat forever but I don't think that's what she's suggesting.

Equally, OP she is different to everyone and will have to remember that all the time.

I hope you get the pump soon and it makes it all easier to manage.

littleducks · 06/04/2014 22:22

It isn't an ideal situation. I like teas and cake.

But if my 4 year old niece was really struggling with diabetes issues and to me it sounds like struggling not well managed diabetes atm I wouldn't care.

So for this situation YANBU B but long term you will need a different solution, hopefully a pump is it.

Knackeredmum13 · 06/04/2014 22:23

Surely it's not that much of a hardship for people to go without biscuits or cake on one occasion!? It sounds like it was just an informal gathering not an event of any kind, nor was it for a meal.

I think its a sad day when people can't go without a biscuit for the sake of a 4 year old. I personally think its entirely reasonable to ask family to refrain from eating unnecessary treats in front of a small child who won't be able to join in. It's not really comparable to a birthday party or any other event like that.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:23

I think today I just wanted everybody to have a nice time without a majorly upset child crying and screaming over something it didn't hurt everybody else to go without for a couple of hours.
I felt guilty asking but I haven't done it before, up till now we've tried to just give dd extra insulin but usually we give extra for a cake and she's happy till her cousins want another and he can't as if we repeatedly give extra insulin she is at risk of a hypo from all the active insulin in her system.

OP posts:
IamaBreastfeedingTramp · 06/04/2014 22:24

Also if this were my niece I would do this without hesitation and make sure my own dc were aware that their cousin couldn't have snacks etc

There will be enough tricky situations for you and her to deal with at school/ with friends without having an extra one with family who could easily have accommodated her.

LibraryMum8 · 06/04/2014 22:24

Am sympathetic but You need to start bringing things she can have now. She might go 'mad' but you treat just as a temper tantrum. I agree, her own choice of what she can have might be more fun for her. Start now before birthday parties. Then people will do exactly as they want and I'd rather have a 4 year old go mad for awhile than a second grader in primary. She might get away with it now but then not so much.

Piggiefan · 06/04/2014 22:24

YANBU. It's her own family, i would expect them to be accommodating. She will spend a lot of her life not being allowed food, missing out and feeling different. All the more reason for her family to make allowances to let her feel the same as everyone else. She's only four! I'm sure as she gets older she will learn to cope with it better.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 06/04/2014 22:25

Yes when she gets a pump it will mean much more freedom and normality with snacks, we can't wait.

OP posts:
Abbierhodes · 06/04/2014 22:25

Jelly's a good one! I bet her cousins would have been happy if you'd turned up with jelly as it's much more of a rare treat than biscuits.

I agree with a PP- whilst you are going to have to be tough with her in some situations, a small family gathering of people who know and love her should be able to cater for her needs. I'm sure no-one minded.

MidniteScribbler · 06/04/2014 22:27

At her age, she's going to be upset, but unfortunately she's getting towards school age and is going to have to learn that other children/people will be eating around her. You need to look at providing alternative options when around other people, because you can't force everyone else to eat nothing just to avoid your child getting upset.