Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

To be stunned at how deluded some parents are.

189 replies

Moonfacesmother · 06/04/2014 20:53

Ds is in reception and occasionally I speak to one of the mothers of a little boy in the other reception class. She's very nice but since September I've had chapter and verse about how her ds is reading chapter books and writing at the level of an 8 year old but the school are useless and have been keeping him on really easy books, not sending him with the group of children who do phonics with year 1 etc.

I must admit I was confused by this as couldnt understand why if he was as far ahead as she said the school hasn't recognised this. Anyway I listened, sympathised and suggested things that she could maybe do (mainly speak to the teacher or head teacher).

Last week I went on a trip with ds's school and this little boy was there. Whilst there the children were given a few tasks and a couple of them included doing some drawing and a bit of writing if they were able. This little boy is mark making, he wasn't able to write his name etc. this is fine, it's reception - my ds isn't much different I was just a bit taken aback. I suppose I expected him to be writing War and Peace. I feel a bit sorry for him and also for playground mum. And also for the teachers as I know the mum has been in numerous times about the fact she doesn't feel the school have him at the right level.

I must remember in future to take what people say with a pinch of salt.

OP posts:

ItsNotATest · 07/04/2014 01:26

I once had to listen to a workmate tell me how "intelligent" her 5-month-old PFB was.

I have no idea how I kept a straight face.

YoniBGood · 07/04/2014 01:32

The story that sticks in my mind is the one posted on here ages ago. Competitive Mum was watching her offspring rolling a ball down a slide and exclaiming "Oh look - he knows he's breaking the laws of physics and he just loves that!" or words to that effect

lilrascal · 07/04/2014 01:53

reciting the alphabet doesnt mean anything its like learning a song thats why ds does phonics and random letters daily. but can I ask why cant a parent share how proud they are of their kids' achievements without it being picked up on as boasting?

Pregnantberry · 07/04/2014 02:26

I was told when I was 8 that I had a reading age of 15, but it didn't really make a difference to my life- got mostly C's at GCSE and did not, alas, go on to be a professor of english literature as a result.

I can use words like 'alas' though, and still maintain a reading age seven years my senior.

Forago · 07/04/2014 02:53

I quite happily tell everyone my DC are average - that's what they are, average, scrummy, happy little DC with no issues, hang ups, delusions of grandeur, symptoms of stress, inability to take defeat, miserable demeanors, issues with bed wetting or tendency to cry when anything goes wrong - unlike many of their peers. So I am very happy with that.

The only exceptional thing so far was once when we were driving up to IKEA, ds2, age just 2, pointed at the sign and said "IKEA!". still don't know how he did that.

lechers · 07/04/2014 03:07

I think lots of people spend most of their lives deluded, thinking one thing, but then really cannot work out why....

It's not just about children, although they may exacerbate the issue.

8isalotoflegsDavid · 07/04/2014 03:28

ha, ha, I knew a woman who reckoned her two year old could fully dress and undress himself and he knew the entire alphabet.

pianodoodle replied My two year old girl can do both of these things - she might not have been lying... I don't go on about it to people though so the similarity ends there!

Yes, I thought exacatly the same when I read that! My two year old could definitely do both those things aged 2. The alphabet thing was his party piece. We were terribly proud and thought he was obviously a genius. Turned out he wasn't.

callamia · 07/04/2014 03:48

forago, your children sound ace.

My parents are currently convinced that my pfb five m.o is the best at EVERYTHING. I figure this is a Grandparent thing (although I suspect they were the same with me). It's kind of funny, but I'm keeping them in check.

8isalotoflegsDavid · 07/04/2014 04:10

I think he did it for the same reason my children might have gone 'McDonalds!'

LibraryMum8 · 07/04/2014 04:33

lilrascal that has just been my experience that even if fact it is seen as boasting. My mistake was to tell ds grandmother, dh mother about some achievement ds made. It wasn't said in a braggy way and I assumed she would be proud. No dice. She saw it as competition between HER son and my son - Her son's child!!

Since then I don't say anything except to my good friend who had a dd ds' age with the same temperament. And even then it's rare. Since I thought MIL would be pleased since in a way it reflects on her in a positive light and she had this twisted reaction I just clam up now.

adoptmama · 07/04/2014 04:57

DD2 - who cannot yet string 2 coherent sentences together - can find the wine aisle in 4 different supermarkets. I have her ear-marked for a career in the National Geographic when she is older.

coralanne · 07/04/2014 07:01

It's interesting when people say "my 2 year old can do all that".

It all depends if they are just 2 or 2 and so many months. There's a huge difference between a 2 year old and a 2.6 year old.

My best friend and I had our babies 5 months apart When they were babies her DH was constantly saying "Can DS do this or that" When the answer was No he would say "Oh, ours can"

Big difference between a 5 an 10 month old baby.

wonderingsoul · 07/04/2014 07:10

a family friend had a child who by 2 could read pretty well, spell his name and some words like cat dog (with the magnet words) the when... i wouldnt have belived if i hadnt seens it my self. ut he had delayed speach.

so it can happen.

but ynbu,

wonderingsoul · 07/04/2014 07:13

also my dad is kind of like this.. he thinks both boys are sxtreamlly smart... .. they are.. well can be.. but not above average lol

not to the extent he marchs to the school or anything.

but i just think hes enjoying watching my ds grow up and is amazed by their learning and is proud.

OwlCapone · 07/04/2014 07:18

YANBU but I agree with the poster that said maybe they Are reading at 8 year old level but not writing yet.

That's true, but the OP said the claim was that he was reading and writing at the level of an 8 year old.

ZanyMobster · 07/04/2014 07:44

Some of the people on here sound just as bad as the competitive mums on here though but the complete opposite. There is a boy in DS1s football team who the other parents moan about - ie he's not a team player, the DCS don't like him. The fact is that he is hugely talented and they are jealous.

SOME kids are very bright but the ones who are truly bright rarely have parents who talk about their academic achievements in RL.

I am equally proud of my DCs, I will talk about DS2 more as he was below average in YR and beginning of Y1 but is working really hard doing well now and people are ok hearing about stuff like that. All the mums in DS2s class are lovely, we can chat to each other easily about school and there is no just one child way ahead of the others, it varies between subjects.

DS1 is very bright and always has been, I don't discuss him in RL, I am purposefully vague if the other mums in his class ask as they are super competitive. He was always ahead even with normal staff like walking and talking as a baby.

For the poster who said about whether they are just 2 etc it can make a difference but DS1 was 22 months when he learnt letters and numbers (and could dress himself), it wasn't reciting the alphabet as that is no different than knowing twinkle twinkle, he could actually recognise them properly.

IMO that is not particularly amazing as it is natural to him, I am more amazed by the progress DS2 makes as he has to work hard and it's sometimes a struggle IYSWIM.

DiePeppaDie · 07/04/2014 07:56

I think there's a difference between being proud of your child's achievements and just being boastful. I have an acquaintance whose DD is 6 months and keeps saying how "clever" she is. She posts pictures on Facebook of her DD doing stuff saying "look at this, I know older babies that can't even do this yet" blah blah. Sometimes I think it's done to make other parents feel like crap if their child can't do something yet. I don't get why it always has to be a competition.

saintlyjimjams · 07/04/2014 08:06

I was the opposite in my discussions with ds3's reception teacher about reading. I was telling her he couldn't read - she said he could. She said she tested him by getting him to read the book backwards & I told her he'd memorised it after one hugely painful 'reading' at home. I was right! He eventually learned to read in year 1. Once he'd been given glasses & learned to look from left to right.,

Ds1 could read a bit aged 2, knew the alphabet & could recognise an equals sign. He can't talk aged 15 though, and is just learning to write his name so erm it wasn't that helpful.

FraidyCat · 07/04/2014 08:14

It often happens with children who are very able early on. They slow down and everyone else just catches up.

When she was born, DD was going to grow up to be 6 foot 1, nearly four years later she's only headed for 5 foot 4. Not sure what we did wrong.

ZanyMobster · 07/04/2014 08:17

DiePeppaDie I agree, I cringe at some of the stuff that people post on FB, I saw one video where my friend had filmed her 2 1/2 YO singing the alphabet song and she had written how clever he was and she didn't know where he got it from as she wasn't good at English as a child. TBF to her she was not putting it on to make other people feel bad, she was just proud. I have heard other mums say stuff like 'I would be livid if my son couldn't read something of that level by now!' - horrible!

I once put something on FB about DS1 when he was about 3 or 4 about his reading, I had no idea it wasn't ok to share stuff like that as it seemed that other people did and I was always pleased for them etc. My close friends were fine but some other people weren't. TBH I didn't realise it wasn't normal as had no comparison at the time other than my friends slightly older DD who could read well before school.

I never really discussed the baby stuff he did when he was younger as babies just do what they do don't they, doesn't matter how hard you try they will not walk or talk before they are ready.

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/04/2014 08:22

At home he may be able to 'read' the books. I don't think this is proper reading.

My DD can 'read' the books at home but if I wrote the words on a price of paper she couldn't do it.

I think she has memorised the books, rather than being a fluent reader.

She is 4 and in reception, can read about 20 CVC words.

Pipbin · 07/04/2014 08:25

I've had a number of parents look confused when I say that their child is struggling in maths and say 'but he can count to 20'. Like the alphabet, as a pp said, counting proves nothing. It's just saying words in order. I have a child in my class now who can count to 20 but can't get 5 objects from a pot. Mum won't have it, because 'he can count'.

ZanyMobster · 07/04/2014 08:30

Absolutely Pipbin, my niece had been taught by her school, 1x1 is 1, 2x2 is 4 and so on, they were just chanting - really odd!

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 07/04/2014 08:33

This thread is hilarious.

Almost everyone agrees how annoying "those" parents are, then proceeds to tell how bright their kids are .

I think there has been only 1 exception.

No average kids on MN, are there?

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/04/2014 08:39

My dd is average DS is below average.

Both make me very proud

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8