To be stunned at how deluded some parents are.

[Moonfacesmother]

Ds is in reception and occasionally I speak to one of the mothers of a little boy in the other reception class. She's very nice but since September I've had chapter and verse about how her ds is reading chapter books and writing at the level of an 8 year old but the school are useless and have been keeping him on really easy books, not sending him with the group of children who do phonics with year 1 etc.

I must admit I was confused by this as couldnt understand why if he was as far ahead as she said the school hasn't recognised this. Anyway I listened, sympathised and suggested things that she could maybe do (mainly speak to the teacher or head teacher).

Last week I went on a trip with ds's school and this little boy was there. Whilst there the children were given a few tasks and a couple of them included doing some drawing and a bit of writing if they were able. This little boy is mark making, he wasn't able to write his name etc. this is fine, it's reception - my ds isn't much different I was just a bit taken aback. I suppose I expected him to be writing War and Peace. I feel a bit sorry for him and also for playground mum. And also for the teachers as I know the mum has been in numerous times about the fact she doesn't feel the school have him at the right level.

I must remember in future to take what people say with a pinch of salt.

Justtoomessy - maybe early dressing is linked to bike riding (or lack of) both my DCs were much later at riding without stabilisers than their friends. DS is still struggling at age 6 to cracking it but could do a proper tie up and shoe laces in reception - odd!

My dm's friend taught at a (very small) school that was taken over by new management and he did a good line in pandering to parents like that. He'd listen to the parent complaining that their child wasn't stretched at school, make them do an "entrance exam" (which was a sham-they all "passed") and then offer them a token scholarship.

Then, of course, the teachers weren't allowed to say anything negative about the child. School was half full of children who thought (and whose parents thought) they were genii, and the other half were those who had failed the entrance exams for the schools that did select. There was not much difference in results.

I think there is the thing that often the parents of those who are at the top end tend not to talk about it, even when being boasted to. So along with teachers tending to focus on the positive, it can be difficult for a parent to know whether their offspring are good average or excelling.

I remember well at swimming one week one parent getting her dc's reading book out with a flourish, another child looking over at it, and the mum saying in clear ringing tones: "You won't be able to read it because X is one of the best readers in her class."
Glanced over and noticed it was the same reading book that I'd done with the second group in dd2's class for guided reading that week. None of them had had any problems with it-dd2 is two full school years below.
Afterwards the other parent said to me in rather puzzled tones that her dc had had the book from school previously and she hadn't noticed it being particularly hard, but she hadn't liked to say anything.

You also get it in other activities. I remember well the girl who came out of her ballet exam and slammed the door because she'd gone wrong at one point. She said to the ballet teacher "Now I won't get my distinction!" Usually the ballet teacher is hard to read, and always lovely, but on this occasion her face said it all.

Remember one mum who went on and one to me about how poor the school our DC were at, was. Her particular example was that all her friend's children of the same age were mostly through their times tables but due to our school being so poor our children were still stuck on 2s and 10s. There was only so much smiling and nodding I could manage (my DD was also mostly through her times tables, it was nothing to do with the school, just her DS not being so great with maths).

I feel like this everytime I look for reading advice on Netmums. I know my DC is no genius but until then I hadn't realised how spectularly thick she must be.

By the time they are teens everyone goes quiet. Actual exam results will show who is cleverer/able to pass exams. Plus you don't care about other people's kids' achievements, just your own kids.

Their reading level at age 5 7s irrelevant.

My ds knew his alphabet and colours and all sorts before he was two. He is not massively ahead or anything now aged 4 - he is just a normal little boy who just picks up things quickly. I swear he could concentrate better when he was 2 though as he has zero attention span most days. But that's fine, he is four and would rather be kicking a ball round outside with us!

Oh and I never ever boasted about him to anyone (well maybe my mum but she was his no1 fan anyway!)

My sister is similar with her 2. She has always banged on about how much they eat, that they eat full adult dinners in restaurants and on holiday have a full english everyday. She insists on them having the same portion as adults (she fills their plates up first, piled high with all the best food) and then spends an hour cajoling, begging and bribing them to eat 3 mouthfuls. She then looks proudly at us saying look they nearly ate ALL of that, as we look at full plates.

She also does the same with ridiculously age inappropriate dance routines they copy off mtv. She brings them down to the pub and puts a rihanna song on the juke box and gets them to do the dance in front of everyone. They kind of shuffle about while she grins manically doing the moves herself and saying they could be professional dancers. It's painful. And in case anyone thinks they are just shy, she has filmed them doing the dances and they look no different without an audience.

It's totally bizarre. She is seeing something we all don't. They also believe the hype too unfortunately.

7s=are

Oh OP avoid like the plague. I had something similar at the beginning of this year. One condescendingly asking if DC had been put in the lower class (I actually know it wasn't and jot prepared to go into how I know :) ) and another Parent complaining that DC had got the same teacher again because they were simply the best teacher ever and 'brought out the best in little Lavender'and it just all really wasn't fair! . I hate playground politics and is why I have a very few select mummy friends I engage with. Less hassle. :)

I'm the complete opposite, when someone comments on how clever/advanced my eldest is I have to interject with yes but he still wets himself/writing is poor etc etc!

I recall having a cuppa round at a local mum's house. My daughter was 6 months and her daughter was a year old. I commented how nice it was to see an older baby and that it was weird to think in 6 months my daughter would also be doing the things her daughter could do (and I am talking routine stuff like walking and saying a few words). The mum stopped me and said 'well no, she won't, as my DD is very advanced.' I was speechless

I have one who is reading well above her age and its a nightmare, she also seems to have a photographic memory so once she has read a book she discards it. I started quizzing her on the things she had just read and she answered any question about it. Then again she doesn't sleep much as she seems not to need much, her writing is verging on illegible, she is highly disorganised but she is reading well.

As a non parent I notice that parents only ever say 'well x is advanced for his age', and never 'actually x is just average'.

I agree. It's not that all parents are like this (I find most of the parents of kids in my class are pretty on the ball and honest about their kids) but it's shocking that some are SO deluded as you say. It is really strange. You sit there thinking...."Mmmm, how can I put this?!"

A mum at my DS school says he's children were able to count to 100 and day the full alphabet at 12mths old

A cautionary tale - my DS1 was a very early speaker . Sentences at eighteen months. Number bonds to ten at three, easily. Set 5 out of ten at secondary (comp), and on track (hopefully) for Cs and the odd B at GCSE.

Just saying.

DS2, who is 20 mths old has only single words, no phrases. Not worried...

Oh, DS1 read early, too.

It often happens with children who are very able early on. They slow down and everyone else just catches up. Some parents can take this very hard, they are used to being told that DC is exceptional, gifted etc then they are suddenly told one day that they are average.

dd could read level 7 ish books (not chapter books) before she could write... she could not write due to hypermobility, so it is feasible. Not likely to be a common issue though.

oh and when she could write proper words, she decided she was going to do scribbles in her school book just because.

I've been a teacher, and have been a volunteer parent in school for the past 4 years too.

One mum I know allowed her DD to sit the 11+ - her DD wanted to because some of her friends were. This child had had one-to-one extra help with reading in year 5 & 6 to try to get her up to scratch. Her reading was very stilted - no emphasis, poor phrasing, no self correction. She would struggle to recall the previous chapter. Her idea of writing a comment about her book was to copy a 2 line quote from the chapter or retell the story in a couple of sentences. I will never understand why her mum put her through that experience of doing the 11+ - far kinder IMO to explain that she simply was just not up to it. This poor girl was well below average, yet the mum thought she was in the top % of the year group.

Time and time again parents moan about their kids reading books not being challenging - they come in and sit with the teacher and child, and the child reads. They think being able to slowly and painfully decode each word is fluent reading, regardless of whether the child can comprehend and recall what they have just read.

My 2.3yo DD can recite the alphabet but she also likes to pick her nose and eat it, so in the grand scheme of things she is a bog standard yet wonderful to me child.

The only thing that matters to me is that my son loves reading, and thankfully he does. I think it will do him well in life. People used to want to know levels and compare kids, I only asked so I had an idea of what level of book to buy him outside of school. He was pretty advanced, but I expected that as so was I, and we read a lot at home before school anyway.

I was chuffed he picked it up quickly, but that's just because there are so many books from my childhood I want to share with him. It's a common factor between us, it makes me feel connected to him.

Where he is in comparison to other people is not useful, other than to let me know he wasn't struggling, but I couldn't talk about it even if asked because I was afraid of being labelled show offy. Once I got over the first time parent nerves of him achieving what he was supposed to, I stopped remembering what colour band he was.

He does have a problem with his attention span being short, and being partially deaf it makes lessons difficult sometimes, but I loved school, so I try to encourage him to think along the same lines. And to like the same genres as I do so we can dissect books when we are older.

I remember going in to see my Ds's teacher when he was 7.2yrs old and telling her that the reading books he was getting home were too easy for him. She was horribly patronising to me and told me ever-so-sweetly that his reading might be good, but he didn't have enough comprehension to move on to more difficult books.

He was was being investigated for ASD at the time and one month later at a meeting with the teaching team, a different teacher read out his latest test results. His reading age was 11.6, his comprehension was 13+ and his decoding was 'off the scale'. I must confess that I enjoyed watching her face fall. He jumped two levels immediately and started working with a much higher reading group.

He did go on to be diagnosed with ASD btw, and continued to be a good reader, but it hasn't made him an academic genius and now he's a teenager who needs his butt kicked to make him do any studying at all!

I think only pipbin read my post. My eldest would have been g and t at three/ four/ five. But he was just developmentally quick in some areas - broadly average how at 13 and a half.

YANBU but I agree with the poster that said maybe they Are reading at 8 year old level but not writing yet. Though these are things I think are reserved for speaking about with a best friend or parents of a child who you Know are actually performing similarly.

Whether it's true or not people just don't want to hear it if they aren't in the same boat, not just academic wise. It's always best to hold your tongue if you sense it might come off as bragging in any way.