To feel offended at midwife making comments about my weight?

[lill72]

So, I went for my first midwife appointment today. This is my second child.

I am ten weeks and extremely miserable with nausea and severe hunger all the time. I hate food at the moment, though I have to eat all the time. I eat as healthily as I possibly can, but I have been eating a lot and have put on a bit of weight already.

I was always in a normal weight range, but have struggled to get rid of a bit of weight from my last pregnancy, plus now have put on a little weight.

When the (male) midwife took my weight, it was above normal so he went into this whole questioning of why I might be like this and things he has to say about i should be eating healthy food and not eating for two. Ah yes, obviously buddy.

But try telling a pregnant, starving nauseous woman this!!!!!!!! I was just not in the mood to hear this and feel it was rather insensitive to say this. I now they have to say this stuff, but now he has made me super paranoid about my weight and now I feel bad when I eat - which is all time at the moment. I cannot wait for this period of severe starvation to be over - I dread eating.

What do you think?

You lost me at making the point that the midwife was male. What has that got to do with anything?

You are not eating healthily, he pointed it out. Can't see the problem.

To be honest I think midwives have to mention it, weight can complicate pregnancy & labour. My friend has put on 2 stone since christmas & was told to keep a food diary for four weeks, she has to show it to the hosptial then. There probably isnt a nice way to mention it, did you tell him that you were feeling starving all the time?

I think we need to know your weight to know.

A very high weight can have an effect on the pregnancy and the baby so he is right to want to speak to you about it if he feels that it is a potential issue.

What 's it that you are eating? Bananas are good, filling but fat free. And actually the extra calories yet need when pg is only equivalent to a banana.

Saying this I was starving first trimester with twins, but third tri lost appetite so it evened out.

YABU.

You know why he said it, you know that statistically it makes a difference. He couldn't read your mind to know that you weren't using pregnancy as an excuse to have double cheeseburgers for breakfast.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. It's a sensitive time though.

As a health care professional, he is paid to care about your health.

Agreed, no need for (male)

I'm on the border between overweight and obese, and also pregnant. I know the midwife had to mention it. I wasn't offended, it's their job to make me aware of the risks. A good mw will do this tactfully and discretely.

I planned to loose weight to help ttc but conceived quicker than expected so didn't get the chance to, now I'm pg all I can do is try to eat as healthy as possible (which is difficult when nauseous and feeling like crap).

YABU.

Obesity is a risk factor in pregnancy. But there are sensitive ways of bringing this up, and if the poor OP can barely hold anything down at the moment, she isn't going to be very receptive to messages about healthy eating.

There was an academic study a year or two ago in Denmark that talked to high BMI women about how they'd been treated by health professionals during pregnancy, and the general feeling was that they'd been patronised and humiliated, but not given any actual helpful advice.

Would you have thought the same if it was a female MW.

As a HCP it's his job to care about your Heath.

It's difficult to know without knowing how much you are overweight. Agree it is their job to tell you as overweight is a problem in pregnancy. Just like smoking. If you were smoking he would tell you to stop and you wouldn't be offended. It's the same thing. I do think YABU and should man up a bit.

I have to agree with others the midwife is only looking after your health. I don't think there is a sensitive way to approach weight issues to be honest. I think YABU.

Ah, I never said I am not eating healthily

I am, although at the moment not eating how I would normally eat as a) I cannot stomach a lot of things and b) I am starving all the time.

I guess mentioned male as I feel he just had no idea what I am going through with the nausea etc and why I may be starving/eating more.

Your comments would suggest you may not either.

I am currently ten weeks. Ive had horrific MS and have a 2.3yo toddler.

I know how you feel.

a female MW may be totally unaware too if shes never jad kids.

They did this to my sister too and made her feel like shit. Yes she is over weight and was trying to not put on too much more but as she pointed out perhaps they should have saved their advice for the chavs standing at the door smoking or taking their methadone?

Being fat is like being the new pariah now that the government have decided they can't annoy smokers too much as they will lose their lovely tax pennies

I can tell you in both my pregnancies I had severe nausea/ hunger etc etc. I do understand what you're going through. I just don't think there's any point whatsoever in bothering to be offended. Would you have preferred he didn't mention it and said "don't worry love, I know you're under pressure"!
Fact is, his job is to make sure you're aware about healthy eating. Not everyone is. Don't take it so personally.

Ah right so everyone is wrong then

You are gaining more weight than you need to, you have your excuses but you have the ability for your head to tell yourself you clearly aren't starving whatever you may feel. Same as anyone has to to control their weight.

I never understand the ire it causes on here if one describes the person with whom one has dealt.

No one has mentioned yet that being overweight can increase the risk of gestational diabetes which can lead to permanent diabetes, either type 1 or type 2, so not to be taken lightly.

He had to mention it, he would be failing in his job if he didn't!

I feel sorry for you , OP. Not what you want to hear.

But they have to say this stuff and also aim all communications to the thickos who genuinely don't know about eating healthily, looking after themselves etc.

I was treated like an idiot for 9 months as I'm type 1 diabetic. I've lived with the condition for years and have excellent control. But the communication I received was as if aimed at someone who had no idea and didn't care. It infuriated me.

I just didn't allow my (female) midwife to weigh me.