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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel offended at midwife making comments about my weight?

165 replies

lill72 · 06/04/2014 19:02

So, I went for my first midwife appointment today. This is my second child.

I am ten weeks and extremely miserable with nausea and severe hunger all the time. I hate food at the moment, though I have to eat all the time. I eat as healthily as I possibly can, but I have been eating a lot and have put on a bit of weight already.

I was always in a normal weight range, but have struggled to get rid of a bit of weight from my last pregnancy, plus now have put on a little weight.

When the (male) midwife took my weight, it was above normal so he went into this whole questioning of why I might be like this and things he has to say about i should be eating healthy food and not eating for two. Ah yes, obviously buddy.

But try telling a pregnant, starving nauseous woman this!!!!!!!! I was just not in the mood to hear this and feel it was rather insensitive to say this. I now they have to say this stuff, but now he has made me super paranoid about my weight and now I feel bad when I eat - which is all time at the moment. I cannot wait for this period of severe starvation to be over - I dread eating.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Sillylass79 · 10/04/2014 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinesAPintOfTea · 10/04/2014 16:49

FFS

During the first 20 weeks of pregnancy I lived off galaxy cake bars, crisps and polo mints with sips of water. Everything else came straight back up.

But I was the low end of normal pre-pregnancy and lost a stone over that time. I still put on 4 stone by the end of pregnancy and left most of that in the delivery room (DS was large, polyaminiosis was a lot of it...) and 2 years on am half a stone heavier than I was to start with and think most of that is on my boobs (still bfing).

Sometimes women have to do what they can to get through it. That doesn't mean the midwife was wrong to point out the weight gain though. He is there to give medical advice and sometimes that means pointing out the truth to someone.

OP have you thought about spreading your food intake out more so that you plan 3 meals' worth of food in 4-5 meals?

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 16:52

I can't take snacks with me as I never know what I can stomach and I just have to have what I have to have. I am trying to be as healthy as possible - I am not eating mc donalds and coke or fast food really so I think a smoothie is not so bad in the scheme of things. Not the best thing but by far not the worst thing.

I had had an apple just before I left house and some crackers.

To explain. I had a little weight from last preg but had lost most. I have def put on weight purely from having to eat.

To be exact - I am 82 kg and 165 cm tall.

I am on a major mission as soon as second trimester starts to do lots of walking and pilates and eat well!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 16:55

Minesapint of tea - cannot plan any meals as I don't know what I can eat/how hungry I will be. I just know I am eating my regular meals as well as lots inbetween and right now I am starving again. I am sick of eating!!!!

OP posts:
Legologgo · 10/04/2014 16:56

you were offended, he was doing his job

you will learn to live with it.

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 16:58

Thanks Apple - I just think he should have asked me more about my situation before telling a sensitive sick pregnant woman not to eat for two. I was so sick I could not even reply to him as I was stunned by what he said. Just don't think he was doing his job well, as he was not listening to me saying I was sick.

OP posts:
Blob54321 · 10/04/2014 16:59

I'd rather be fat than a stuck up bitch, just sayin'.

brettgirl2 · 10/04/2014 16:59

yabu then, as that isn't just slightly over the normal weight range.

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 17:02

brettgirl - far from obese though

OP posts:
brettgirl2 · 10/04/2014 17:04

so what does it make bmi? The top normal weight for my height is 76kg and I'm 176cm

MinesAPintOfTea · 10/04/2014 17:10

It is obese. Only just but it is. Sorry.

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 17:12

Since pregnancy this time around. I am right at the upper end of 'overweight'. If you saw me, you would say a bit above average. I am size 12-14 and wearing size 14 jeans now

OP posts:
brettgirl2 · 10/04/2014 17:22

I don't think jeans size is really relevant because they come up differently depending on the style/ where you shop. I have a couple of pairs from oasis that are a 14 and my bmi is 23.

One of my best friends has a similar bmi to you and also doesn't look noticeably fat. That is partly because the average is overweight so we're all used to it.

I think you should get through the next few weeks but then really watch it through the rest of pregnancy

eurochick · 10/04/2014 17:22

I sympathise OP. I had never had a bmi above 22 pre pregnancy and my appetite was always well controlled. I had no sickness but awful nausea that was only tamed by eating carbs very regularly.

I gained 10 pounds by 10 weeks, so within 6 weeks of bfp. I was horrified but as I had some leeway due to my pre pregnancy weight no midwife has batted an eyelid. And the nausea passed and now at 20 weeks I have only gained an additional 3 pounds, so it has slowed considerably.

Worra, if you have a normal bmi when falling pregnant, the recommended gain is 25-35 pounds, more if you are underweight to start with, so gaining 2-3 stone is perfectly normal and most of it is baby, boobs, placenta and blood! And yes, a few pounds of fat stores that evolution wants us to have because we haven't adapted fast enough to there being a waitrose round the corner yet!

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 17:22

Mines a pint - the midwife said I was on the upper end of overweight.

But as I said I am currently wearing size 14. This is the average british size no?

don't want to get into a fight about BMIS - I have always been size 8-12 and led a healthy lifestyle and will do so as soon as this horrible period is over. It is only going to get better from second trimester onwards as I can be more active.

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 17:27

Brettgirl - I have told my friends this story and they are shocked that the midwife would make comments as they don't think I look overweight. Before my first pregnancy I was size 10-12. this is why this is all so devastating to me.

I am armed with my eating well during pregnancy books and cannot wait as I said to be able to exercise. I did yoga, walked and swam last time.

OP posts:
brettgirl2 · 10/04/2014 17:33

So the real problem is that you are upset and shocked about your weight rather than the mw mentioning it?

Don't beat yourself up its so easy for weight to creep upwards. If you aren't happy about it use it as a wakeup call.

BakerStreetSaxRift · 10/04/2014 17:40

You sound like you're in denial, OP. If you are at the upper limit of overweight, the midwife would HAVE to mention it.

14 is normal in a very obese society.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 10/04/2014 17:42

Sorry OP, I appreciate that you're very poorly but you are considerably overweight. I say this as someone who is very overweight myself. I have an autoimmune condition and it is discussed at all my medical appts; I do get very upset as I am sensitive about my weight but I deal with it. It is unhealthy and comparing yourself to the average British woman is not a good idea because overall, we are getting larger.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 10/04/2014 17:45

Oh and you are just in the obese category at that weight. (I am the same height as you.)

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 17:54

MW said I was on the upper end of overweight so maybe i have the kg slightly wrong.

I do not think 14 is acceptable at all!!!!!

I have never been this way before so this is all devastating yes.

Brettgirl - I still think the MW handled it poorly, as he did not ask any questions. He did not ask me what I was eating or how much. I cannot help it at moment as have to eat more than normal.

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 10/04/2014 17:57

Look, you're aware of it now but be aware, it may be brought up again and no, people aren't always very sensitive. You're pregnant and ill, so main focus is keeping hydrated and well. Hopefully it will settle and you can get back to eating a healthy diet. For now, what can you do?

Chin up. Flowers

Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 18:00

My point was not about what my actual weight is. Well meaning and yes he had to mention, but handled poorly.

The point was that the MW was saying don't eat for two and eat healthily even after I said I was sick.Does he have no idea what happens to nauseous women in first trimester??????? starving and put off most foods?????????

I could not speak in disbelief as I was so sick and vulnerable at the time.

I don't need stock standard info on being healthy - I am well aware of healthy eating.

OP posts:
Original poster
lill72 · 10/04/2014 18:02

Thanks Candycoated - other posters have said they refused to be weighed. I think I will do the same. I know what to do and know what I need to do - as soon as I can eat 'normally' again. As I just mentioned, I don't need stock standard info given to me on eating healthily. I am more than aware.

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 10/04/2014 18:03

I am also more than aware of what's healthy lill and I know shitloads about exercise but they have a duty to explain it to everyone as some people genuinely know nothing.