To feel offended at midwife making comments about my weight?

[lill72]

So, I went for my first midwife appointment today. This is my second child.

I am ten weeks and extremely miserable with nausea and severe hunger all the time. I hate food at the moment, though I have to eat all the time. I eat as healthily as I possibly can, but I have been eating a lot and have put on a bit of weight already.

I was always in a normal weight range, but have struggled to get rid of a bit of weight from my last pregnancy, plus now have put on a little weight.

When the (male) midwife took my weight, it was above normal so he went into this whole questioning of why I might be like this and things he has to say about i should be eating healthy food and not eating for two. Ah yes, obviously buddy.

But try telling a pregnant, starving nauseous woman this!!!!!!!! I was just not in the mood to hear this and feel it was rather insensitive to say this. I now they have to say this stuff, but now he has made me super paranoid about my weight and now I feel bad when I eat - which is all time at the moment. I cannot wait for this period of severe starvation to be over - I dread eating.

What do you think?

Sorry To bring it up OP but based on what you've said that gives you a BMI of 30.1 which does put you into the obese category. From a purely objective perspective over the course of your pregnancy if you put on the average of two stone this could take you from 82kg (12stone 12lbs) up to just under 95kg (close to 15 stone). This could have an impact upon your pregnancy and increase the risks to you and baby (blood pressure). So the MW was right to point it out but maybe could have done it more tactfully. I understand it was a shock but as others have said maybe you could use it as a lightbulb moment.

I am currently 39 weeks pregnant and had morning sickness for the first 4 months, along with the joyful acid indigestion which has progressively gotten worse! So I do sympathise. I think endless cups of decaf tea was my saving grace.

Some things we think are healthy maybe arnt as good as we think. Coconut milk, whilst good in nutrients is extremely high in fat content. Falafel whilst lovely is also very fattening (deep fried carbs!). Maybe just a few small changes might help.

I know you probably feel pants at the moment so not a good time to be told this. Keep your chin up.

I'm fairly certain one of my midwives said not to eat for two, and the body only needs a couple of hundred extra calories. I wasn't offended by this, was good to be reminded.

Yes he didn't know what you are going through, but do any of our midwives know us in detail? Mind didn't.

And he would have been neglectful if he didn't try and discuss your weight. It is just stock information, they have to tick boxes to say it's been discussed.

but tbh the whole booking in appointment is full of patronising information for anyone that has half a brain. It's to cover themselves against those who don't.

And a size 14 dress from karen millen if you are 6 foot is entirely 'acceptable!'.

A size 14 from primark if you agree 5'1 probably isn't.

All this obsession with random clothes sizes without account of height/ build/ where you shop/ if people mean an American 12 is ridiculous.

In my last pregnancy, I particularly enjoyed being told in a rather patronising fashion, that I need to eat healthily for the sake of my baby. I was throwing up approx once every hour. I am a nurse. This was my fourth baby. I could only keep down sweet food. The MW knew my occupation. When I said that "I am happy with my weight", (I was 10 stone and 5' 10") and "I am fully up to date with current healthy eating guidelines, but at the moment I can only manage to eat little and often", I was told that eating cake and biscuits would make me fat.

It didn't, my baby was fine.

Option 1: midwife doesn't weigh patient
Patient: "My midwife doesn't do all the checks needed, they're so crap"

Option 2: midwife weighs patient and doesn't say anything
Patient: "my midwife didn't even tell me the result. They're so crap"

Option 3: midwife weighs patient, smiles and says it doesn't matter
Patient: "There were complications with me pregnancy and the crap midwife didn't warn me that there would be a problem when they knew there might be"

Option 4: midwife weighs patient, says there's a problem and you need to change eating habits
Patient: just read this thread for patient opinion

Option 5: midwife weighs patient, says there's a problem and questions eating habits
Patient: "and they just kept badgering me about what I'm eating, they're so crap"

I think that this is something you're sensitive about because you know there's an issue. Midwife did their job. You either are able to change what you're doing or not, that's up to you. I'm not a midwife and had 18 weeks of so called morning ie all day sickness. It's rubbish but I'd rather a healthcare professional was honest with me.

It was COCONUT WATER not coconut milk to clarify!!!!!

I felt patronised as he was stating the obvious.

Boomerr - I do not intend at all to continue on this path!!!!!!!!!!!! It is because I have to eat all the time. And I cant eat what I would usually eat. And I am too sick to do exercise.

As soon as I can eat properly and do not have to eat all the time, my eating will change completely.

Seems unless you are eating appples and broccoli. people jump on anything you eat. I had an apple and some avocado before - you going to jump on this???

YES YES YES the MW had to mention about the weight. This is not my issue - as i have said many times - telling a pregnant woman who is sick as a dog, living a miserable existence where food has no pleasure but has to eat all the time to not feel sick and faint - that they must remember too eat healthily and not for two - really shows no understanding of what I am going through. I said I was sick - so he should have picked up on this and responded accordingly. THIS IS MY ISSUE.

Iamrandom - I am not sensitive because I now there is an issue. I am sensitive as I am a sensitive soul anyway and feel sick as a dog and very vulnerable. Information was wrong time, wrong place. Get back to me in the second trimester if I am in same situation. Then I will listen.

I don't know what to say, I am OW I know I am, I dont mind people like MW saying it, its their job after all.

Lil, they are frantically busy, after reading stories on here you lucky you even saw one let alone him mentioning the eating right for you to listen too.

My MW for second baby made me cry because she was a true bitch....she was nasty and unhelpful and rude.

I think you are asking for a bit much here I really do. Your expecting another level of understanding and empathy from someone literally ticking boxes and passing on information.

I really want to send you a hug, it is awful and you sound like it's hard at the moment. Perhaps you could ask if you could book a longer appt with the midwife next time. This would allow some time for you to talk it through properly and get personalised advice rather than the midwife giving cursory advice with half an eye on the clock. I still think though that the midwife was right, the second and third trimester can also be hard and if they put off broaching things until the right time it would never happen as there is never a right time. I hope things settle for you soon.

It's his job, if he doesn't mention that you have a higher BMI then he could risk being reprimanded.