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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think holding a vigil outside Marie Stopes is wrong? and to wish there was something I could do (may be upsetting)

999 replies

Menolly · 03/04/2014 00:08

The local Catholic church is planning another vigil next week outside Marie Stopes, I am Catholic although attend a different parish (because I disagree with this ones overly judgmental congregation and uncaring priest). I think it is a horrible thing to be doing, I can see the clinic from my flat and at the last one they blocked the pavement meaning that people had to ask them to move to get through, whether they were going to the clinic or up the road (which leads to the high street, train stations, bus stops etc.).

They do move out the way when asked and they are peaceful whilst there, just singing and praying the rosary, however if I was a teenage girl going in for advice or was in some terrible situation where I needed their services I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to push my way through. Ignoring the fact that the clinic also does STD testing, contraceptive advice, smear tests etc, an abortion isn't an easy thing to go through whatever the circumstances and I think adding to that stress is a terrible thing to do, then considering that these people don't know that the woman they are upsetting aren't going there because they've been raped or because of some other horrible circumstance it makes me really angry.

My eldest child was conceived through rape when I was just 15, I kept him and he's beautiful and I have never regretted that decision but I had a lot of family support that other women might not have and there was a time when I did look at my options and having a bunch of judgmental people singing outside whilst I was trying to get advice would have made things much harder for me at a time when I seriously considered suicide, I hated myself for letting that happen to me and felt guilty for all the stress it put on my parents, I felt I was being judged constantly and lost my own faith for a long time because I couldn't stand the thought that God would let that happen or the guilt and judging associated with church and I hate the idea that people would do something so insensitive and could push someone to making the wrong decision or feeling even worse.

I find the vigils upsetting and I could hear them singing from my living room last time, what I went through was nearly 10 years ago now, I can't imagine how much worse it would be for someone who had been through something more recently or had less support.

I just wish there was something I could do to make these people, who I am sure think they are doing a good thing, see how harmful their vigil could be, but so far I can't think of any way of doing that...

So AIBU to think they shouldn't being doing this? Also if anyone can think of a peaceful way of showing my disgust I'd be grateful.

OP posts:
thebody · 06/04/2014 11:17

Bumbly really have no idea what on earth you are talking about.

In babies case it should be completely her choice when the pregnancy is terminated and how. It's her body so should be her choice.

I saw your comment in the circumcision thread re performing it in utero! It was such a stupid remark noone on the thread answered you.

Yes I am passionate about the rights of women to have complete autonomy over their bodies pregnant or not.

Yes I am passionate about the rights of babies when out if the womb to not suffer cutting of their genitals without anaesthetic/and/or a solid medical reason.

It's so much easier to answer questions directly.

You should try it

Dawndonnaagain · 06/04/2014 11:18

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thebody · 06/04/2014 11:20

Dawn reminds me of a vicar I heard whinging about his pain in accepting women clergy.

Hilarious.

MoominIsEightNinthsManatee · 06/04/2014 11:20

Thanks dawndonna, it's so important any newcomers to the thread can see the way she's thinking.

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2014 11:21

African, I was replying to the second part of your question.

Silly hypothetical analogy - what is this going to prove? Terminating your life would also result in the death of the foetus. You are not actively killing the foetus - you are killing yourself and the foetus is dying indirectly as a result of your death.

FreudiansSlipper · 06/04/2014 11:21

I believe women should have the choice to have a termination up to full term

because I believe in women having full control over her body

is that something I am comfortable with knowing that this may happen, absolutely not it is an awful thing to happen for those involved but the alternative to me is far more barbaric a women having no control over her own body

pro choice is about women having control over their body it is not about the fetus

thebody · 06/04/2014 11:24

bumbly you do realise that women will always terminate don't you?

Do you really want to go back to back street abortions and deaths?

Seriously?

MoominIsEightNinthsManatee · 06/04/2014 11:24

Freudian has summed up how I feel better than I could.

But of course, bumbly will come along and tell us in her eternal wisdom that she thinks we're lying or irrational...

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 06/04/2014 11:25

BUMBLEY the point these posters are trying to make is that I AM BEING FORCED TO CARRY THIS PREGNANCY TO TERM KNOWING THAT THE ACT OF GIVING BIRTH WILL KILL MY BABY.

Clear enough?!

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2014 11:26

Dawn, you haven't answered my question yet.

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2014 11:28

Thebody, it's interesting, that's all. Full term baby in utero - can be mutilated/terminated in whatever way the woman chooses. Once born - disgusting, cruel, abusive behaviour. Fascinating the way some people's minds work...

thebody · 06/04/2014 11:29

Baby she can't answer you love. Flowers

MrsMot · 06/04/2014 11:31

And this is exactly the reason we need an ignore poster option.

Baby your situation is heartbreaking, so so many people are standing with you through this. The law in NI HAS to be changed.

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2014 11:31

You don't need to shout baby. I'm very sorry that you're in such an awful situation. My response was to a previous poster who said that you were being forced to give birth.

thebody · 06/04/2014 11:31

bumbly what's fascinating is your inability to understand the difference.

Foetus in a woman's body, women's body is the host. Women has total rights and autonomy over her body

Baby born, independent human being.

MrsMot · 06/04/2014 11:31

"It's interesting" WTF?

Dawndonnaagain · 06/04/2014 11:32

What question bumbley?

SuburbanRhonda · 06/04/2014 11:32

I think you'll find that's because the foetus inside the uterus and the baby outside the uterus are not the same, bum.

Not that fascinating, really, just common sense.

SuburbanRhonda · 06/04/2014 11:33

X-post, thebody

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2014 11:36

Thebody, that's the difference you are making. Do you think the foetus doesn't feel pain?

Yes, I think it's fascinating what people convince themselves of.

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2014 11:37

Sorry Dawn, question must not have posted.

Do you think the majority of people who describe themselves as 'pro-choice' support the right of a woman to choose abortion unconditionally?

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 06/04/2014 11:37

Baby quite obviously does need to SHOUT bum. Because of people like YOU - this is what she's suffering.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 06/04/2014 11:41

Thebody she is having the AUDACITY to focus on posters choices of words and phrases and ignoring the actual issue!!

I know I have said twice now I'm off but I can't stop reading this thread.

Bumbley - do you have any compassion at all? Do you realise the severity of pain women and their families have to go through in this type of situation?

Bumbley - answer me this one last question please, I genuinely want to know your thoughts. How would you be coping in my situation? How would you get up every day knowing that today could be the day that your baby's heart might stop? But then again it might not and you could have AT LEAST 12 more weeks to go? How would you cope with having to attend your antenatal appointments in a clinic surrounded by happy pregnant women? How would you cope when a stranger smiles at you and asks when you are due and how excited you are? How would you cope knowing that you have an appointment on Tuesday to discuss how the minutes after delivering the baby will be managed? How would you cope with trying to decide how many times your newborn baby should have attempted resuscitation knowing, at most, you may have a few extra MINUTES of their life?

All of which could be avoided if you were given the choice to delay the inevitable and end this nightmare now.

TheBabyFacedAssassin · 06/04/2014 11:43

Sorry delay should be bring forward.

Dawndonnaagain · 06/04/2014 11:48

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