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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think holding a vigil outside Marie Stopes is wrong? and to wish there was something I could do (may be upsetting)

999 replies

Menolly · 03/04/2014 00:08

The local Catholic church is planning another vigil next week outside Marie Stopes, I am Catholic although attend a different parish (because I disagree with this ones overly judgmental congregation and uncaring priest). I think it is a horrible thing to be doing, I can see the clinic from my flat and at the last one they blocked the pavement meaning that people had to ask them to move to get through, whether they were going to the clinic or up the road (which leads to the high street, train stations, bus stops etc.).

They do move out the way when asked and they are peaceful whilst there, just singing and praying the rosary, however if I was a teenage girl going in for advice or was in some terrible situation where I needed their services I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to push my way through. Ignoring the fact that the clinic also does STD testing, contraceptive advice, smear tests etc, an abortion isn't an easy thing to go through whatever the circumstances and I think adding to that stress is a terrible thing to do, then considering that these people don't know that the woman they are upsetting aren't going there because they've been raped or because of some other horrible circumstance it makes me really angry.

My eldest child was conceived through rape when I was just 15, I kept him and he's beautiful and I have never regretted that decision but I had a lot of family support that other women might not have and there was a time when I did look at my options and having a bunch of judgmental people singing outside whilst I was trying to get advice would have made things much harder for me at a time when I seriously considered suicide, I hated myself for letting that happen to me and felt guilty for all the stress it put on my parents, I felt I was being judged constantly and lost my own faith for a long time because I couldn't stand the thought that God would let that happen or the guilt and judging associated with church and I hate the idea that people would do something so insensitive and could push someone to making the wrong decision or feeling even worse.

I find the vigils upsetting and I could hear them singing from my living room last time, what I went through was nearly 10 years ago now, I can't imagine how much worse it would be for someone who had been through something more recently or had less support.

I just wish there was something I could do to make these people, who I am sure think they are doing a good thing, see how harmful their vigil could be, but so far I can't think of any way of doing that...

So AIBU to think they shouldn't being doing this? Also if anyone can think of a peaceful way of showing my disgust I'd be grateful.

OP posts:
thebody · 05/04/2014 16:32

Bumbly it's not what I choose to tell myself it's what I feel and think!

You think one way and others think another.

Simply think once a baby is out of the mothers body it has the same rights as every other human being. While it is in the mothers body it is her rights that come first her rights are paramount.

Not hard.

fatlazymummy · 05/04/2014 16:33

Bumbly can you seriously not see what is wrong with the sentence that Dawn keeps quoting?

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/04/2014 16:33

bumble

Once a the foetus is a life autonomous of the mother's, society has a duty of care towards it as well as the parents. A living breathing baby is different to a foetus. Being an autonomous life for starters.

I'm not "falling back" on anything. It's a fact, backed up by statistics I'm sure you can find yourself.

It doesn't make me comfortable in the slightest, you would do well not to be so presumptuous.

I would terminate a foetus with severe disabilities. I would terminate a foetus because I didn't want it, regardless of it's health status. I honestly don't think I would spend years feeling guilty about it either.

Feel any happier for having me state it nice and clear for you?

bumbleymummy · 05/04/2014 16:34

Surbaban, I haven't called abortion killing children. You still haven't answered the question. That's ok. Pretty predictable too.

Anyway, I've wasted enough time. Have a lovely afternoon ladies.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/04/2014 16:35

Oh, thank Christ for that Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/04/2014 16:36

Grin @ Suburban

twofingerstoGideon · 05/04/2014 16:37

thebody: "That is not disabilist. That is my right to choose."

bumbley: If that's what you have to tell yourself.

^You are really scraping the barrel here.

And WRT to my post above, shoving an 'if' in front of all those 'yous' did nothing to obscure your nasty insinuation.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/04/2014 16:38

*uncomfortable.

What an irritating typo!

Birdinthebush · 05/04/2014 16:40

What about the lies these Pro life protesters spew? Their litrature claims that abortion causes cancer and infertility. . Complete crap, and some naive people might be taken in by these lies.
Recently the 'Crisis pregnancy centres' where investigated by The Torygraph and the supposed councillors told women the will abuse any future children they have.
Women are always going to have unwanted pregnancies , we either have safe clinics to provide terminations or we go back to self induced abortions and septic wards in hospitals.

bumbleymummy · 05/04/2014 16:44

Yes, survival you managed to avoid the questions! I can see why you must be so relieved. It's tricky when someone catches you out on your views about disabled people isn't it?

Two fingers, thought I'd cleared it up for you in my last post to you. I wasn't trying to disguise anything. If you(or anyone) makes that decision, that's what I think.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 05/04/2014 16:45

What Chaos said.

I find myself down Maidstone-way every so often. May just walk by them with a cup of very hot coffee and see if they block my path. Vile, judgemental asshats.

thebody · 05/04/2014 16:46

Agree all the sensible posters and it's obvious who they are.

Bird of course it's disgraceful that these fuck wits tell such ridiculous and cruel lies. Hurting women when they are at such a vulnerable time.

Vile vile.

Thank god that in this country we have access to safe abortions and on no account must we allow any changes to the law to make this harder or reduce time limits.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 05/04/2014 16:46

"Women are always going to have unwanted pregnancies , we either have safe clinics to provide terminations or we go back to self induced abortions and septic wards in hospitals."

This ^

thebody · 05/04/2014 16:48

bumbly you are funny.

Can you really not see the difference between the baby in the cradle and the baby in the womb?

Really.

thebody · 05/04/2014 16:52

I feel we owe it to our dds and future dgds to fight against any changes and as Bird says access to safe abortions.

gordy the rape remark is actually chilling in the extreme isn't it.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/04/2014 16:54

Actually, bum, I was relieved you'd gone because your posts are dull and PA.

But don't let that stop you coming back, oh no - there's room for everyone on Mumsnet, even the terminally delusional Wink

Dawndonnaagain · 05/04/2014 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

thebody · 05/04/2014 17:09

Dawn that's hilarious.

Reminds me of the make vicar on the TV who was whinging about his pain at the church employing women vicars.

Ha ha ha more worried about his job being taken.

SuburbanRhonda · 05/04/2014 17:09

bum has gone, dawn Sad

She has flounced off in high dudgeon, as my DM would say, only it didn't quite work because she flounced, then came back, then flounced again.

I'm glad she's gone because she derails threads with her anti-abortion agenda.

I do wonder whether anti-abortionists ever think about what would happen if abortion were outlawed altogether, because obviously women would still have abortions, they just wouldn't be safe or legal. How would they manage that scenario and what help would they offer women afterwards?

bumbleymummy · 05/04/2014 17:14

The body, the majority if people would like to see a reduction in the time limit for abortion. Thankfully there is only a tiny minority of people who think that the abortion limit should be increased (probably MNers!)

Saskia, or you could work towards preventing the unwanted pregnancies rather than just accepting them...

Also, the only difference I see between a baby born at 37 weeks and a 37 week old foetus is its location. What differences do you see that makes you think one's life is worth more than the other?

Surbaban, let's put all the petty jibes aside. Why did you mention the points about Nikolas' quality of life when I used him as an example of a child that survived with anencephaly?

SuburbanRhonda · 05/04/2014 17:16

Noooo!

You promised you'd go!

bumbleymummy · 05/04/2014 17:19

You're clearly all failing to see he point I was making with my comment about people being offended by other people's opinions.

Shall I just keep pointing out that Dawn was trying to say that I shouldn't post because my opinions might upset others? Is that what you all think? That only certain people should be allowed to post on certain threads on MN because other people's opinions might upset them? For example, do you all police the feeding threads in the same way in case the BFers upset the FFers? Do you tell the BFers that they shouldn't post because they may upset the people who weren't able to BF?

thebody · 05/04/2014 17:20

Yes you are right Bum it is indeed location location location that's the whole point.

How do you know the vast majority of people want a reduction in the abortion time limit? Utter bollocks.

Dawndonnaagain · 05/04/2014 17:20

Rhonda I'm old enough (and lapsed Catholic) to remember what happened before 1969. Angry

bumbleymummy · 05/04/2014 17:21

Surbaban, petty jibes aside? Could you answer my question please?