AIBU to not want to see grown adults defecate in the park?

[ResponsibleAdult]

This evening. Lovely mild, light, spring evening, decide to go for a gentle stroll in the park with DD and dogs. See charming young couple walking hand in hand in front of us, no small children, no special needs, no mobility issues. "Ah, loves young dream" I think.

Shortly, the couple separate and walk slowly in different directions. "Ah, going to pose for a softly backlit photo to show their romance blossoming" I think.

Couple remain, separated but squatting in bushes. "Ah a simple game of hide and seek to show spontaneous nature of loves young dream" I naively think .

On approaching, as walking the dogs, I am able to see she has her trousers down and is weeing/pooing in the bushes. Turn back to see squatting shatting boyfriend is now standing and weeing against a tree.

I got the rage.

Me loudest voice with tone of righteous indignation "EXCUSE ME? EXCUSE ME? There is a public toilet 100metres over there" I was ignored, and given a shrug of the shoulders by little Miss Holly Golightly.

So I repeat, my volume rising "EXCUSE ME? There is a public toilet, that is OPEN just over there. I suggest you go and use it as I DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR BARE ARSE!". Point at Golum boy, and repeat same phrase.

Loves young dream ( Golum boy and Golightly) pull up their trousers and shuffle off, muttering "alright! alright" under their breath. Was it a dare, a FB craze, a bizarre fetish, extreme sport dogging???? I don't care.

DD gives me a , I give her a , we carry on our walk.

AIBU???

Glad I'm old and past this stuff. (Reaches for vat of brain bleach).

There's a place near us where the locals don't go after dark because it's known for being the meeting place for people with an interest in a special kind of 'outdoor pursuits' like this so I can well believe it!
It's smack in the middle of an AONB beauty believe it or not. The things that the rangers have found after a busy night have been interesting to say the least (no, I never asked, they would come into the restaurant for their morning coffee and share the latest news, unasked).

You had to tell them
I have NO idea how they get it in there. I have spent far more time than can be considered healthy pondering that

The best I can come up with is they somehow stretch the condom so that it is open as far as possible then hold it tight to their ring as they defecate. I have wondered if it is in fact, a two person job (bie)

dear god I hope the poo troll isn't reading this. They'll wank till their arm falls off.

I can't even make myself go in the loo at work so am mightily impressed anyone can do in in the park, in daylight, in front of strangers.

I had no idea this kind of thing was so common . People are weirder than weird. Seriously utterly weird. I will be more careful when walking the dogs in AONB or historic parks, more a pervs corner in some areas apparently .

I did stumble across a dogging site once by accident. As soon as I realised, about 50metres into the walk, I put the dogs straight back in the car, with their legs metaphorically crossed and moved on to another more suitable dog walking place. Poor dogs were

Gimme I'm over 30, went to Uni with the two guys in the Amateur Transplants, and know all the songs........

My DH is reading this thread over my shoulder with his mouth hanging open, shaking his head. I didn't think anything could shock him - apparently it was the poo dildo comment that did it!!!!!

Aside from the very disturbing fact its poo in the too revolting to contemplate poo dildo, wouldn't there also be a serious risk of getting frost nip? Is that another part of the 'thrill' do you think?

Its all very very disturbing.

Bleughh.

Wha...what the fuck am I reading here? No. No no no no no.

Please make it go away.

It was my H, SGB, who saw the casual lady shitter in the alleyway, yes. Weird.

One thing that people suggested then, which I suppose might apply here, is heroin use; apparently, it reliably gives you a sudden urge...Given the couple's bemused and extremely relaxed air, perhaps they had just partaken? God knows.

DD1 was scarred for life whilst watching Eminem at Leeds this year. The guy in front of her just bent down and shat everywhere, splashing her bare legs. Apparently it is a bit of a druggy side effect, uncontrolled, shameless pooing.

On the plus side DD says she will never take drugs cos she doesn't want to poo herself in front of everyone.

I was just stopping into say that uncontrolled pooing is definitely a drug thing. Moomin covered that nicely above. :-)

Ooh, someone mentioned the Amateur Transplants, I like them!

Out of interest: do those of you gibbering with horror feel better or worse about the idea of this couple being smackheads rather than perverts? (Personally don't think it makes much difference to any unfortunate bystander, a poo is still a poo.)

I don't care either way. They're shitting in public! [gibber]

Look, I hate to bring logic to this thread, but surely you'd freeze the poo first, then roll the condom on?

There's another thread on here about someone wanting to poo in peace. You don't think...

ChaosTruly Reigns Thu 03-Apr-14 12:38:01
"Right I've just moved Laurie from the HelpfulCandleMaker column of my spreadshit." Is this the best typo ever-or was it on purpose?
I haven't laughed/grimaced/winced so much in ages, the mind boggles over the frozen element-whoever thinks of these things in the first place??

But if you froze it first, how could you guarantee it would be the right shape or size to fit the condom, or for its intended purpose?

why oh why didnt I join nm instead? I bet you never find yourself pondering the logistics of getting a poo into a condom on nm...

I suppose if they come out as a log shape (hence the name!) you remove them from the toilet. Carefully transfer to freezer so as not to disturb the shape. Freeze for a set length of time. Then remove and roll on condom.

This is a guess you understand. I don't actually know....

Thats rather hit and miss though, isnt it? There would be a high level of waste, if it was the wrong shape, of fell apart.

unles they follow a special diet for a few days beforehand or...

no.no. no. I am going to look at a cath kidston catalogue and then learn how to knit. I cant cope with the images currently in my brain.

There would be a high level of waste

But aren't the average turds sort of sausage shaped? Or is it just mine?

I am finding it difficult to believe I am discussing this first thing on a Sunday morning

I am scarred for life after reading this thread.

I need to go and watch Mary Poppins to redress the balance and restore order to the world.

Chaos spreadshit typo was excellent .

I didn't know about this unintended consequence of drug taking, uncontrolled pooing.

My list for things not to do in case of uncontrolled pooling has doubled:
Marathon running
Taking drugs

Glad that's sorted.