AIBU to think the school should have told DP about his kids parents evening?

[littlejessie]

A-ages since I last posted, but thought this might be the place to ask! My DP has two sons, has been very involved in their lives since separating from their mum when they were small. They are both in primary school. Pre-school, they were with us around 75% of time outside time spent with child minder, and since school has started, they come to us every weekend (mostly).

He's a good Dad, generous financially to XDP and very involved in all aspects of the kids lives.

A couple of weeks ago we heard through XDP there was a parent's evening the following week. This was a surprise as he's signed up to the Parentmail email system and we understood he'd get this kind of information directly (nothing had arrived).

He emailed the school, just in case there was some kind of issue:

Dear (school secretary),

I was informed tonight that there is a parent’s evening for DS1 and DS2 next Thursday.

I haven’t been notified of this by the school. Could you make sure I am receiving direct notification of any meetings about the boys and their progress?

Thanks,

(DP)

and this is the response that arrived:

"I will try (DP) but that information goes home via school bags, it's not something that is communicated by Parentmail as it is individual to each child. The boys appointments are 4.30pm for DS1 and 5.50pm for DS2. I will let their teachers know you need to be told of meetings separately.

Probably best for future years to keep an eye on the newsletter and when you see the dates for Parents' Nights pop up remind me and I can let you know what time is allocated - best if you do this as there's no way I'll remember! This is what we do for several parents in similar circumstances to yourself. We will try to keep you in the loop in future.

Kind regards

(school secretary)"

AIBU thinking this response isn't quite right? Surely the school have some kind of obligation to keep him posted about this kind of thing?

Not saying, by the way, that the secretary shouldn't have given him the specific information he asked for, in that instance. Our office ladies are always popping round to say "so-and-so has lost their slip. What time are they due on Wednesday?" No problem to tell, but I couldn't possibly tell you off-hand, or even by researching, which parents won't liaise with each other and would therefore require me organising separate slips.

How about coming up with a list of ways for the school to improve communication for all parents?
Sounds like they need to move away from relying on paper in book bags.
So... Copies of all newsletters on website; copies of all letters on website for parents to download, split by class perhaps; online calendar on website with all key dates listed at the start of the year; any parent/carer can register for text updates provide they pay the registration fee, even if it means texting 2 or 3 times for one child.

Sorry but it's his duty to find out every term he should be ring and asking for school dates of events

Just how delighted do you imagine schools would be if every single parent of every child phoned them to ask about school dates? Or are you saying that only NRPs should have to do this? Why, when we have all the technology available to make keeping them informed a very simple job?

IvyKaty I am not making this more difficult than it is, as that is pretty much what my school already does.

The OP's dp wasn't aware of the meeting because he'd somehow been missed off the email list. Solution: get himself back on it, and if no emails are forthcoming (should be several a week), chase them up or CHECK THE WEBSITE. Or ask his ex. Which, actually, is what it seems he did.
So what's the problem?!

Coldlight, no matter how emotive you may find it that some parents keep others in the dark about what is going on with their children, nevertheless it's a fact that it happens. So how about applying your mind to that fact and telling us why you think that schools should play along with that?

And, for the hundredth time, it's not about looking at websites. It's about keeping parents aware of information that isn't on the website.

Then they jolly well should, kim147. I would say that's unacceptable in this day and age.

No problem to tell, but I couldn't possibly tell you off-hand, or even by researching, which parents won't liaise with each other and would therefore require me organising separate slips.

Gawd, yet again, it's not about knowing which parents won't liaise with each other. It's a perfectly simple matter of keeping a record of which children have separated parents where both have parental responsibility and both are therefore entitled to be given important information, and making sure that that information goes out to them - even if you think the resident parent will probably tell them as well. If your school isn't keeping that information readily available, it is failing seriously in its duty.

clam - he wasn't missed of the the email list, he didn't ask his ex about the parents evening

the problem is this NRP didn't know about an event and he didn't know to ask and that is the problem

It must be hard being the NRP when you are treated like this by a school

Clam, when you ask "So what's the problem", isn't it obvious? The problem is that OP's dp asked to be put on the email list, and the secretary effectively said she'd try but he shouldn't make any assumptions that she'd succeed.

FFS, read what I said, nennypops. IMPORTANT INFORMATION IS and CAN BE GIVEN to any parents who request it. Who's arguing this still?

Oh, and once again, my school does this. But I was making the point about the subsequent parent's evening slips which are sent home via the child, unless we have been specifically informed that there's a serious problem. Everybody seems to manage with that, and get themselves along on the right day, usually together.

yanbu
our school sends emails to all parents/guardians of the individual children.
works well for all concerned.

and slots for patnt's evening are organised via the school secretary who has all the mail adresses.

Failure to communicate using reasonable technology should be censured in Ofsted reports. Plus it would save the school a fortune in photocopying, thousands per annum in the case of our school.

I spent a lot of time in my early teaching career chasing parents and various forms and reminding people of things. Now I have a classroom blog that is updated every Friday evening at around 10pm (I do it from home with a glass of wine in my hand after DS goes to sleep). It has information, photos and videos about what we've done that week, what we're doing next week, upcoming dates, notices, forms that need to be printed and returned, newsletters, etc. I make it clear that it is the parents responsibility to check the site at least once per week and take any actions that are required. (In the very rare occurrence that a parent doesn't have access to a computer I will print it out and put it in the child's pigeon hole on Mondays.)

I will only do separate parent teacher interviews if it is court ordered or there is an AVO or other order in place. With approximately half of my class from families that are separated or divorced, and at 20 minutes per meeting, that is a extra five hours of unpaid out of school hours work if everyone wanted a separate meeting (and an extra $120 worth of babysitting cost out of my pocket for my own DS to be looked after). Sorry, but you might just need to play nice for a whole twenty minutes. Alternatively, you have have ten minutes each if you really can't stand to be in the same room together.

Schools should make the information easy to access and refer to, but parents do need to accept that they have some responsibility for their children's education and need to be proactive and occasionally go out of their way to facilitate that education.

But I was making the point about the subsequent parent's evening slips which are sent home via the child,

and I made the point that if you text everyone on the list that the slips have been sent home - then everyone on the text list knows it is parents evening next week - and then they can as that all important question if they are a NRP - as they know there is a question to ask

those parents who are not online - how many of them have a mobile phone which accepts text messages?

You're preaching to the wrong person, ivy. We do this.

kim147 Of course the VAST majority of good schools are aware of their responsibilities. And yes, families not online receive paper copies. Currently I have 5 children in my class on that list.

"If they don't know it exists, how do they know to ask for it?" Of course they can't be expected to ask for each specific piece of info, but they can ask to be put on the email list, if it hasn't happened automatically (which it should have), in which case they will receive all newsletters/dates etc..