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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to confront my friend about her husband's behaviour?

359 replies

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 10:37

I am having a hard time at work. Invited friend and her dh over for dinner last night and had a real moan about it. As they were leaving I thanked her for listening to me ranting and her husband leaned over me and yelled hard enough for spittle to hit my face, " next time tell someone who gives a shit!". They then left, whilst I attempted to laugh it off. I really want to ring her this morning but another part of me just wants to wash her hands of the whole situation.

OP posts:
Hassled · 29/03/2014 10:38

Was he drunk? Is he usually aggressive?

tbh I'd just leave it - she's probably mortified already. Just avoid him in the future.

YouTheCat · 29/03/2014 10:38

Why ring her? It wasn't her who behaved like a twat.

Just don't invite her husband again, ever.

Jolleigh · 29/03/2014 10:39

Need to know more - was it supposed to be a joke? Was he drunk? How did your friend react?

punter · 29/03/2014 10:39

Sounds like drink talking tbh. I should leave it either your friend feels embarrassed or they are not your friends at all.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/03/2014 10:39

Yeah just avoid him.

winkywinkola · 29/03/2014 10:39

Oh. My. God.

I'm sorry. This man yelled in your face ? And you would even consider contact again of any kind?

He is scum. Do not contact her. She is married to a vile man.

Aside from that, did you talk ALL evening about your work problems? It doesn't sound thrilling but that still in absolutely no way excuses his moron behaviour.

Lottiedoubtie · 29/03/2014 10:40

Cross him of the Christmas card list... What a twat!

Don't invite him again. Is he usually so agressive?

ManifestoMT · 29/03/2014 10:40

Wow that's really freaky.
Had you moaned constantly through the whole time they were there. If you did he could have been bored stupid for 2 hours and lost it.

But seriously weird.

He wouldn't be invited back again though

BlueSkySunnyDay · 29/03/2014 10:42

Is he generally ok? Do you think he was drunk and thought it was a joke?

If your friend is nice she will already be mortified by his behaviour.

DurhamDurham · 29/03/2014 10:43

I think I would be bored listening to someone moan about work for much of the evening but there is no excuse at all for him to react like that, what a dick.

However it's not your friend's fault, don't cut ties with her but maybe just invite her and ignore her awful husband at all costs.

MrsCampbellBlack · 29/03/2014 10:43

Did his wife hear what he said?

CailinDana · 29/03/2014 10:43

Jesus. In your shoes I'd be extremely concerned for my friend. If he does that to you then I shudder to think what he does to her.

I would ring her and try to talk to her about it with the strong intention of getting her to leave him.

gamerchick · 29/03/2014 10:44

Well you now know that she isn't a good sounding board... but I would ditch for that he was rude. Did she say anything when he did that?

But did you really go on a bit though? If I'm having a tough time and invite pals over its to have a laugh to distract me not to offload.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 10:46

Yes, she heard. She did nothing, just grinned drunkenly. The hight went on for two or three hours. I would estimate I spoke for forty minutes at the end of the meal about it. He is a conspiracy theorist amd quite bitter but she adores him.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 10:48

DH was washing up in the kitchen. He said that he is just an odd man and not totake it on board but I feel violated.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 29/03/2014 10:48

You were all drunk. You moaned for at least 40 mins about your work. It was her DH not her that made the remark, he probably thought he was being amusing at the time.
I'd not invite him again, but I'd also try not to moan about something for almost an hour on what's meant to be a fun night out in future.

Comeatmefam · 29/03/2014 10:51

He was an arse. Drunk or not. Of course you were shocked and upset.

But if you ranted for 40 minutes about a work problem I'd probably feeling like screaming too! But I wouldn't do it obviously - that's the difference.

expatinscotland · 29/03/2014 10:51

No more contact with him ever.

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 10:52

But rookiemater, I would listen to my friends offload anytime as PART of an evening out. We had had an incredible time up till then, a night she said she wouldn't forget before she left. Aren' t friends supposed to listen?

OP posts:
MrsSteptoe · 29/03/2014 10:53

Lots of people just come out with these tired old chestnuts that have become t-shirt slogans. "Tell someone who gives a shit", "what part of no don't you understand". Sounds to me like he's still behind the times enough to think it makes him sound like a snappy conversationalist and possibly it came out more aggressively than he actually intended, particularly if he'd had a few. What do you think, OP? Routinely aggressive or just a moment that misfired?

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 10:54

No matter how boring you had been (and let's assume you were for the sake of argument) that is not normal behaviour. Ever; by anyone.

If it had been me and partner we might have bitched behind your back all the way home or we might have discussed your situation and sympathised- who knows? depends how bored we had been or if you're genuinely in a difficult situation. If either of us had behaved like that he or she would get a bloody good talking to from the other.

Bearbehind · 29/03/2014 10:54

He shouldn't have done that but you say you spoke for 40 minutes, which is very precise, yet can't say if the night was 2 or 3 hours long Hmm

40 minutes is a big proportion of a 2 hour might and listening to other peoples work problems is tedious.

Unless the others know the people/ politics concerned it's beyond boring to listen to- a 5 minute rant then fine but taking up a third of the evening- not fine.

sooperdooper · 29/03/2014 10:57

Why would you ring her about it? It was him who said it, he's not a child she can tell off

It sounds like he meant it as a joke but it came out badly due to the booze, but moaning for 40 mins about a work problem was probably quite boring tbh

WilsonFrickett · 29/03/2014 10:57

I think it sounds like drunk bannter gone very wrong. He has no manners, clearly. However I don't see why you should confront her about it - if you want to confront anyone, confront him.

Or, more simply, don't invite them round again. I hate agressive drunks who think they're all that.

somersethouse · 29/03/2014 11:00

Horrible, horrible mrsruffallo

I had something similar, in that I got an abusive email from the husband (admittedly very wierd husband) of my friend, who I had not known for long.

It fills you with horrible cold shock when this sort of thing happens and you doubt yourself (that is obvious from YOU wanting to phone HER today) You must not phone her, she should phone you. Even if, and you didn't, but even IF you had ranted all evening about your job, so what? This is your friend and you arfe allowed to, plus you have invited them round for dinner.

To be honest, I gradually stopped contact with my friend, her lack of sticking up for me etc, made me not trust her.

Poor you, I hope you have a nice weekend and try not to let this ruin it.

By the way, the fact you said 'thank you for letting me rant about it' shows you were very self aware and is also the sort of thing I also say after telling a friend woes. It indicates to me that you were a lovely host.

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