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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to confront my friend about her husband's behaviour?

359 replies

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 10:37

I am having a hard time at work. Invited friend and her dh over for dinner last night and had a real moan about it. As they were leaving I thanked her for listening to me ranting and her husband leaned over me and yelled hard enough for spittle to hit my face, " next time tell someone who gives a shit!". They then left, whilst I attempted to laugh it off. I really want to ring her this morning but another part of me just wants to wash her hands of the whole situation.

OP posts:

Grennie · 29/03/2014 11:01

Don't invite him round again. Just arrange to see her by herself. His behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 11:05

He was driving, he hadn't drunk. Could it have been a joke?I doubt it. He can be fairly acerbic generally, referring to people, even his daughter's friends as c words and moaning about how crap his job is. The irony. My friend did mention that they had a great time recently with people who had no airs and graces.Was that a dig? I am reading lots of things intothis now and feel I have lost a friend.

OP posts:

ShadowFall · 29/03/2014 11:05

That's very very rude.

Even if you'd monopolised the entire evening by ranting about your troubles and hadn't let anyone else get a word in edgeways that would still be very rude behaviour from friend's DH.

But I don't see how confronting your friend about it will help. It was her DH being rude, not her. If she's got any manners herself she'll most likely have been mortified by this and may well have already spoken to him about it once alone with him (the drunken grin may have been one of embarrassment?).

I don't think I'd be inviting her DH around again any time soon though.

somersethouse · 29/03/2014 11:06

What is wrong with discussing a work problem with friends? Or a relationship problem? Or any problem?

My friend came round the other day and we discussed her relationship for at least 2 hours, I didn't give two hoots. A discussion is a two way thing, people give advice, it can be very interesting. Like on here.

So what if MrsRuffalo talked about her work.

Bloody hell.

Nancy66 · 29/03/2014 11:08

I would have been bored to be honest and would probably be THINKING what he said out loud.

But he was rude and aggressive and behaved badly.

I think discussing a personal problem one to one with a close friend who already knows about the issue is fine. In a dinner party situation with someone who (presumably) isn't au fait with the issues then I think it's a bit selfish.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 11:08

somerset house, your post has meant a lot to me. I think I feel like I cannot trust her now either, as if I had been discussed and found wanting. Thank you.

OP posts:

CailinDana · 29/03/2014 11:08

Aren't you worried about your friend MrsRuffalo?

waltermittymissus · 29/03/2014 11:10

Do you think he was serious? Or just failing miserably at 'banter'?

It's not ok and I do wonder if it's telling that dh wasn't around when he said it.

Why didn't you tell him to fuck off?!

expatinscotland · 29/03/2014 11:11

Then by all means, confront her.

Bearbehind · 29/03/2014 11:12

I think 2 women alone discussing work / relationship etc is very different to two couples having a dinner party and the balance of the conversation should be altered accordingly.

If your friend wasn't horrified by his behaviour she probably agreed.

Tbh I think id rather know I was being boring than them just bitching behind my back afterwards.

Nancy66 · 29/03/2014 11:12

I do think it was prob an attempt at humour as you state that you had said 'sorry for listening to me drone on' or something like that...

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 11:14

Selfish? If I thought a friend was going on about something tedious I would probably tell them straight or make a joke of it. What happened at work was actually quite shocking. Half the time he was talking to Dh, he wasn't held to ransom and frirnd was enthralled and supportive, even riled on my behalf. The more I think about it the more angry I am now becoming.

OP posts:

BumPotato · 29/03/2014 11:14

It's tedious when people go on and on about work when socialising but that's not an excuse for his outburst.

Nennypops · 29/03/2014 11:15

I must say if it was my husband I'd have been on the phone to you by now grovelling. Unless she has a good reason for not getting in touch, I'd say that the fact that she hasn't is speaking volumes.

Nancy66 · 29/03/2014 11:15

ok, so already you're painting a different picture.
For some reason I didn't realise you had a husband there, thought it was the 3 of you.

what does your DH say?

CeliaFate · 29/03/2014 11:16

He sounds like an obnoxious pig. I certainly wouldn't be the one to ring them. He should ring you with an apology for acting like such a twat.

Caitlin17 · 29/03/2014 11:17

We had had an incredible time up till then, a night she said she wouldn't forget before she left.

Do you think this might have been meant sarcastically? I suspect it was a bit boring but his behaviour was inappropriate.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 29/03/2014 11:18

Yelling in someone's face was an attempt at humour nancy?
Blimey.

It's very far from any humour I've ever experienced.

I would be really cross OP and avoid him like the plague.

Bearbehind · 29/03/2014 11:19

I find it hard to believe anyone would be 'enthralled' about someone else's work problems- I think you might be overestimating how interesting your problems are to other people.

rookiemater · 29/03/2014 11:20

Caitlin17 perhaps I was a bit harsh earlier so I'm sorry for that. However it's a backhanded apology as I do think that a dinner party is not the place to air work complaints for so long - over coffee with your friend then maybe.

The fact he wasn't drinking means it was rude - I could forgive him if you'd all been a bit drunk.

I'd leave it and let her ring you - but it's not her that you have the beef with, it's her DH.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 11:22

Hi Nancy, I mentioned it in 10.48 post.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 29/03/2014 11:25

so you did. apologies.

PigletUnrepentant · 29/03/2014 11:26

I love my friends, and I would happily put up with 40 minutes moaning about their jobs because I, most likely, would know some background about the story.

But, if it was their partner doing the moaning, I would have no reference, and I would say I wouldn't care about their problems either. So I think you were as rude as him in monopolising the conversation liKe this.

It is said that drunks always tell the truth, so you were truthfully not caring about providing a nice conversation topic as you were a bit drunk. Equally, he showed he didn't care about you either because he was drunk too.

So, in a nutshell, you both behaved badly because you both were drunk but you both were also inconsiderate to each other.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/03/2014 11:26

Caitli, yes, I know think that may be the case. Everybody is boring occassionslly, aren't they? Doesn't deserve disrespect.

OP posts:

PigletUnrepentant · 29/03/2014 11:29

But you were disrespecting him too, you put him through 40 minutes of moaning, he only moan for the couple of seconds it took him to say good bye.

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