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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About Ds Teacher wanting to call him something else ?

415 replies

CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 16:49

So Ds 5 has come home from school a little bit upset & after asking bribing him to tell me what's wrong I'm unsure how to deal/react to it .

Right so for the sake of keeping my anonimity (sp) I have changed the names .

So Ds is called Tom & has a class mate called Thomas from what I can gather Thomas' mum has told their Teacher that Thomas must now be called Tom so the Teacher has told Ds that he must be called Thomas so everybody doesn't get confused Hmm

Ds said 'but that's not my name' but apparently that's how it has to be Hmm because everybody can't be confused by two children with the same name , even though Tom is what's on my Ds birth certificate not Thomas

So if I haven't lost/confused you all what should I do about this ?

I will be seeing the Teacher Monday so I will say something I'm just unsure of what to say

OP posts:
x2boys · 01/04/2014 16:09

the more I read about this silly teacher the more furious I am on the op ,s behalf xander/Alexander will be upset ? And how did she think xandur would feel being renamed by his teacher my youngest son is autistic and its hard enough for them without some silly teacher thinking she can just rename a child at will I would be furious.

YuccanLiederHorticulture · 01/04/2014 19:07

So, OP, did DS get called by his correct name properly today?

(p.s. HelloBoys you mean "shrift" - comes from the same word as "Shrove" in shrove tuesday=pancake day. Means not giving someone much time to reflect on or make reparations for their crime before exacting punishment.)

Runningtrainers · 01/04/2014 19:16

Hope you DS was called he's correct name today. Beautiful names btw.

Did you hand in the letter?

Armadale · 01/04/2014 19:24

Hi OP, I think the suggested letter is very good, I'd be tempted to send it to the teacher and to the head.

Her behaviour suggests that the teacher is willing to abnegate the needs of one child to fulfil those of another (or their parent) which is not something a teacher should be doing, and suggests a need for a bit of oversight as to their behaviour generally.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/04/2014 19:58

I'm roaring at 'Butthead'!

bochead · 01/04/2014 20:32

Not cool to do this to a child on the spectrum at all! Poor scrap and good on you OP for speaking up on his behalf!

Glad other teachers on this thread found this woman's need to appease her bessie rather strange & unprofessional too. I'm hoping next year your lad will have an extra- special teacher to make up for this woman.

PenelopePipPop · 01/04/2014 21:15

Not relevant but this thread has reminded me of a friend's son who also has an ASD. He has a name which can be shortened and I asked him which he preferred. He replied 'Some people call me Jim. Some people call me James. I like it if people call me Mr James Higginbottom Esq.'

Dubjackeen · 01/04/2014 21:18

I've nothing to add except YANBU, and I love your son's name!

MrsKermittSmith · 01/04/2014 21:28

There will be trouble from the other parent no doubt!

Original poster
CrazyHhas5kitties · 01/04/2014 22:40

Sorry for not replying everybody my Internet signal is crap atm Angry
So far so good in regards to my Ds being (sp) referred to as Xandur thankfully but I will be keeping an eye on whether it stays this way , I handed the letter in today to the Head at pick up time so I suspect she will seek me out tomorrow Smile

Also for a bit more clarification Ds name has a different sound to 'Xander' as their is an emphasis on the 'ur' which is easily noticeable when said so they could both be referred to as 'Xandur' & 'Xander' Smile

OP posts:
Misspixietrix · 01/04/2014 22:41

Twatty teacher is way way too close to Toms' Mummy. I'd be marching in that head to complain about her not keeping a professional boundary to be honest... Also OP don't be frightened about taking it to the Head. I've got DCs Teachers pulled before when they try such stunts. Did you mention that your DS was on the Spectrum? About 'Tom will be upset' and how exactly does she think your Ds is not going to get upset at being called a completely fucking different name? I'm furious on your behalf OP.

OddFodd · 01/04/2014 22:42

YuccanLieder - I was about to post about shrift but without the etymology which I didn't know. Fascinating :)

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 01/04/2014 22:45

"Not relevant but this thread has reminded me of a friend's son who also has an ASD. He has a name which can be shortened and I asked him which he preferred. He replied 'Some people call me Jim. Some people call me James. I like it if people call me Mr James Higginbottom Esq.'"

Awesome Grin

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 01/04/2014 22:53

I would love to be a fly on the wall when the head teacher questions the class teacher over this!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 02/04/2014 00:45

Glad you followed it up by letter, the conversation sounded less than convincing on her part. Good luck tomorrow!

BillyBanter · 02/04/2014 01:05

Alexander/Xander is not going to be upset. He didn't even know that was his new name a few weeks ago! If his mum was worried about him instead of herself she'd stick to Alexander.

Xander is quite a recent fashion for Alexander. I suspect the mum has a crush on Alexander Armstrong and has decided that her son needs to be known as Xander as it's more fashionable than Alexander. But to be special you can't go having another boy in class called Xander (that is how Xandur will sound to the ears of people who know the name Xander but not Xandur) so your son's name will simply need to go! Loon!

God only knows why the teacher went along with it.

GummiBear74 · 02/04/2014 12:16

I agree with Billy - there's an Alexander Armstrong fixation in operation here. I'd prefer a bit of the Osman personally!

But what a mean thing to do to a little boy. I know it's not the same, but I hate being called by the long version of my name instead of my chosen abbreviation. So much of your identity is tied up in it, it must be so confusing for him Sad

Runningtrainers · 02/04/2014 15:21

So happy you handed a letter to the head too. Keep us updated if he responds to that.

My DD has ASD, she would be so confused to be put in this situation. What a horrid teacher.

wishful75 · 02/04/2014 16:09

All the Xanders I know, my own included, stem from being Buffy fans, not Alexander Armstrong.

Buffy started mid 90s so not such recent fad, I don't get the A A thing at all.

BillyBanter · 02/04/2014 16:25

But this mum didn't start calling her child xander until a few months ago. I suppose she could have watched it on netflix or summat.

It's a new trend to me. I've noticed a fair bit recently. I didn't watch Buffy.

fromparistoberlin73 · 02/04/2014 16:28

teacher is twat

all schools have this and call them

Matthew W
and Matthew P

DontCareAboutYourShoes · 02/04/2014 19:33

All this mention of the slayer has got me wondering how many poor teenagers/tweens there are wandering around called Buffy as a result of having fans as parents.

StoorieHoose · 02/04/2014 19:47

Xander is quite popular in scotland as a shortening of Alexander and has been since I was in school donkeys years ago

KittyVonCatsington · 02/04/2014 19:51

I teach two Buffys already (Year 7 and Year 8) and one Willow (Year 8). As yet, no Giles or Spike Grin

Goblinchild · 02/04/2014 19:56

I met two little boys called Spike and Angel at the Museum of London. Mum was a Buffy fan.