About Ds Teacher wanting to call him something else ?

[CrazyHhas5kitties]

So Ds 5 has come home from school a little bit upset & after asking bribing him to tell me what's wrong I'm unsure how to deal/react to it .

Right so for the sake of keeping my anonimity (sp) I have changed the names .

So Ds is called Tom & has a class mate called Thomas from what I can gather Thomas' mum has told their Teacher that Thomas must now be called Tom so the Teacher has told Ds that he must be called Thomas so everybody doesn't get confused

Ds said 'but that's not my name' but apparently that's how it has to be because everybody can't be confused by two children with the same name , even though Tom is what's on my Ds birth certificate not Thomas

So if I haven't lost/confused you all what should I do about this ?

I will be seeing the Teacher Monday so I will say something I'm just unsure of what to say

How peculiar. I would probably drop a line to the head so that there is something down in writing, just in case it drags on/escalates.

Good for you OP.

No sorry, not logical, Nanny0gg. I don't actually think that is so unusual. Children are often registered with a family name, with the intent to be generally known by the diminutive. I also know a Danny, locally to us, whose registered name is Donald (after his father, grandfather, etc).

The Birth Certificate would be shown when enrolling the child for school, but our local schools also have a section on the paperwork asking for the name the child is known by (which might be a middle name, or diminutive, or the name in another language, or something else entirely) in addition to the child's registered name.

I thought gathering that sort of variable information was standard in schools. Do you not waste a lot of labels?

The teacher is totally mad and out of order!
Mind you, I currently teach with a colleague who insists on calling a boy in my class Tom even though his parents have expressly asked that he be called Thomas! I pointed this out to her and she said, " Oh, I know, but that's what I call him!" WTF???!!! Such arrogance!!!!!!

My brothers name is extremely unusual but it's a family name. He was always supposed to be called/known by one of his middle name (family tradition and all that).

All through primary, no issue. Come to secondary/high school and the schools completely ignored the forms that had his name as "X" and instead went by his legal name. Mum was LIVID and understandably so. The forms ASKED for a "known by" name, she gave it. It should never have been a problem. If it was going to be a problem we could have prepared him for it and told him it might happen.

He's out the other end now though and probably one or two people raise their eyes about it, but it is what it is.

Their is no possible way she could of confused Ds name as it is a different name completely .

To clarify & I really hope this doesn't out me but will make more sense to everybody .

Ds is called Xandur (He is Mediterranean) The other boy is called Alexander & wants to go by 'Xander' so Teacher wanted to call Ds 'Alexander'

Well that was an unexpected ending - I thought it would be a misunderstanding on her part. Some people are so strange. I agree you should follow it up with a note as she sounds quite capable of ignoring your wishes and doing what she wants anyway.

NannyOgg, we had a new child visiting a couple of years ago and the parent was very stroppy that we'd spelled her DD's name wrong (having taken it from HER application form). We apologised profusely and wrote the name as she dictated. She then said "Anyway, we never call her that - her name is XXXXXX" and told us a name that was totally unrelated to the name she'd put on the form!!!
Why name your child one name with absolutely NO intention of ever using that name?????

Go to HT, that was wildly unprofessional of her! Telling you what your son's name should be?!

I wouldn't trust her. Explain the situation and the inappropriate favouritism towards one mother/child.

I have an Alexander we call him alex as do his teachers etc know way do I think I own this name odd teacher and odd parents!

Oh crazy, that is bloody hilarious, you have to take this up with the head teacher I think

Lara My thoughts exactly in regards to naming a child one thing and calling them something else it really riles me

Great name. I dated a Xander (ur?) when I was about 17 and he was gorgeous in a million ways.

The teacher is an idiot! Definitely unprofessional, insensitive and foolish. How can she possibly think what she is saying is ok?

Given that your DS's name is not an English name I can't believe what the teacher said.
I would never question a parent's choice of name anyway, but especially when it's a name I am not familiar with. Just look at all the different spellings of Mohammed for example, all correct but have just been translated differently.

So the other mum could have chose Alex, Lex, Eck, Sandy but they choose Xander??? Hmmm you may have a 'single white female' problem :)

It is mostly spelled as Xander but I fancied something different

Sorry, completely off topic!!

Teacher is being very inappropriate but I might wait to see if she does it again before escalating...

Why name your child one name with absolutely NO intention of ever using that name?????

Possibly if it's a family name that you are using to please others. But then I would give it to them as a middle name.

I wouldn't wait, particularly if OP's son is on the autistic spectrum. It's bad practice to call a child something other than what they ask for, but to change the name you use with a child on the spectum is shockingly bad and would make me question whether the school knew how to adequately support his needs. Is there a SENCO involved?

Ha ha - I just new it was going to be Xander (or in your case Xandur).

I didn't even know until about 2 yrs ago that Dander was short for Alexander. The mum is clearly a loon and the teacher a twat.

Your son should be known by his name.

ADishBestEatenCold

There is a space on the form for 'known as'. We have always been happy to use the name the child's family uses.

It's jut that she didn't tell us and then got really cross when we used his 'official' name.

I got told off once for correcting someone talking to my DS. She called him Tom repeatedly. I avoided it the first few times & just referred to him increasingly pointedly as Thomas or Tommy. Eventually I gently pointed out to her that we'd chosen Thomas as his name & called him Tommy affectionately. She passive-aggressively said to him "I think mummy will need to get over it because everyone will call you Tom when you get to school." He was 3 months at the time & I considered her a close friend. She was very well aware that I hadn't chosen the name & my reservations about it stemmed from not liking 'Tom'. It's now a few years later & I've distanced myself from her because she still calls him Tom.

To my mind it's rude & arrogant to call a child anything other than what they/a parent introduces them as. Utterly unprofessional for a teacher to presume she knows better than you what your child's name 'should' be! It's no-one else's business what the birth certificate says. I'd be escalating personally.

Ah, other boy's Mum obviously watches Pointless & has formed a liking for Xander when she's heard Richard calling Alexander by that nickname...

As I said earlier my dd is Alexandra and the only query we had was she had asked her teacher to call her Lexie whixh is what we call her. Her teacher just asked if we minded which we didn't.

We gave her the name we did because when she an adult she can choose the name she wants.

Agree with comments that the teacher has acted unprofessionally and blurred the lines between her position and her friendship. Further upsetting for your DS since he has AS, that she dealt with things so badly. And the other mum sounds like a right knob.