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Original poster

About Ds Teacher wanting to call him something else ?

415 replies

CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 16:49

So Ds 5 has come home from school a little bit upset & after asking bribing him to tell me what's wrong I'm unsure how to deal/react to it .

Right so for the sake of keeping my anonimity (sp) I have changed the names .

So Ds is called Tom & has a class mate called Thomas from what I can gather Thomas' mum has told their Teacher that Thomas must now be called Tom so the Teacher has told Ds that he must be called Thomas so everybody doesn't get confused Hmm

Ds said 'but that's not my name' but apparently that's how it has to be Hmm because everybody can't be confused by two children with the same name , even though Tom is what's on my Ds birth certificate not Thomas

So if I haven't lost/confused you all what should I do about this ?

I will be seeing the Teacher Monday so I will say something I'm just unsure of what to say

OP posts:
GladitsnotJustMe · 01/04/2014 12:28

Sorry - took ages to write my post and it seems the thread had moved on!

FryOneFatManic · 01/04/2014 12:35

I have a very uncommon name, that had hardly been heard of in the 1960s. If teachers had had their way, I think I'd have about 12 different names by now, some of them male Confused

OP, I think you do need to bring the HT into the loop. The draft letter from the earlier poster seemed quite good to me.

Quinteszilla · 01/04/2014 12:39

We had two girls in my class called Mona. They were both Mona S. As one of them had joined us for Y3, the teacher then suggested the following:

New Mona
Old Mona

This stuck. Thankfully it does not have the same connotations in Norway.

Not like your situation at all. It just proves that there are sensible ways of going about it if children have the same names (which they dont, in your case)

GladitsnotJustMe · 01/04/2014 12:43

Blimey, just read the full thread (sorry again!)

OP I think the other Mum is jealous of your DSs cool name and is trying to get in on it. Fine if she wants to nickname her DS. Not fine for her to then dictate what your own DS is called.

Bizarre.

mistlethrush · 01/04/2014 12:45

There were 12 of us with my name in my year of 75 at senior school, 7 in one class. Most people went by nicknames which were also adopted by the teachers - no problem!

wishful75 · 01/04/2014 12:48

Yes owl capone but xander is a common diminuitive of Alexander so xandur and xander are pretty close.

If the other mum wants xander for her boy which is perfectly reasonable then xandur a or xander b etc.. is an easy compromise. No one has ownership of names and all the Sarahs I went to school with managed easy enough.

squoosh · 01/04/2014 12:55

Fine the Mum to want her child to now be called Xander, although a bit odd if I'm being honest, not fine for her and her teacher pal to decide OP's son has to change his name, which is the real point of the thread.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 01/04/2014 12:56

He can be "Xander with an e"?

Littletabbyocelot · 01/04/2014 12:57

Glad you're sending a letter. My work bullying and harassment policy actually lists refusing to refer to someone by their correct/chosen name as bullying. They have it listed as racial discrimination because normally it's 'your name is too hard for me to say, I'm going to change it to X' but the point is the same. You can't just go around renaming people, especially when you are in a position of authority.

StanleyLambchop · 01/04/2014 13:07

One of those twin doctors on some CBBC programme is called Xander. I bet the other boy has heard it and wants to be cool like man on TV, so has asked him Mum if he can change his name...

Not relevant to your DS I know, but maybe that is what has suddenly prompted the change??

wishful75 · 01/04/2014 13:16

The other boy might always been known as Xander at home so its his given name but the school perhaps hadnt appreciated that and had used Alexander. That might certainly explain why the other mum had felt the need to hammer the point home....unreasonable to expect others to change though.

squoosh · 01/04/2014 13:19

Doubt it, she's clearly close friends with the teacher so the teacher would have know by which name her son went by when at home.

The other Mum sounds like a pain in the ass but the teacher is the one who's really crossed a line.

firstchoice · 01/04/2014 13:20

This reminds me of a teacher at my primary.
There was a girl called: Siobbhan
Teacher 'couldn't pronounce it' and called her: 'Jenny'.
She was called Jenny by everyone at school from then on.
No idea if parents complained.
This was the 1970's.
Not quite comparable but if he is called Tom then he is called Tom.
Especially important to be clear if he has AS.

HelloBoys · 01/04/2014 13:22

Just jumped on the end of this OP.

I have a very unusual first name (but could never be confused with anyone elses!) if it had been shortened or upset me my mother would have spoken to teacher then taken it further.

It seems as if this teacher being school secretary then teacher has some superiority complex (being promoted) and then the relationship with the other boy's mother so she feels she can make this decision which will hurt your son's feelings and confuse him.

My mum was also a teacher would have never done this.

Even now I get slightly annoyed if someone shortens my first name (without my permission!) and they generally get short thrift (shift?!) about it (wrong expression!). I don't really care that much though...

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 01/04/2014 13:22

Op said that at the school play she kept calling Xander and he didn't respond. Her ds did. Suggests this hasn't come from the other boy an wasn't a name that they use at home.

HelloBoys · 01/04/2014 13:23

Oh sorry, i forgot to say, stick to this and take it further if need be.

I would also keep an eye/tab if this relates to other classroom matters concerning your son. who sounds charming by the way! Smile

HelloBoys · 01/04/2014 13:24

Cbeebies the other mother sounds weird though and one of those who likes to i don't know, sound posher, maybe use this name in public and another at home...

jeez....!

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 01/04/2014 13:26

Helloboys I also get annoyed when people shorten my name. It's like JennyMay and people call me Jenny, it drives me crazy and has seen some unreasonable hormonal rants at innocent people Blush

OwlCapone · 01/04/2014 13:27

Yes owl capone but xander is a common diminuitive of Alexander so xandur and xander are pretty close.

And?? Confused

The other boy might always been known as Xander at home so its his given name but the school perhaps hadnt appreciated that and had used Alexander.

From reading the whole thread, that is extremely unlikely and, even if it were true, it is irrelevant as the OPs DS is not Alexander and should not be called that.

CbeebiesIsAboutToPop · 01/04/2014 13:29

Hello, that's very true, some folk are just weird!!

wishful75 · 01/04/2014 13:42

Owl capone...its just that I thought I had read a comment by the op that the names were totally different and I just wanted to point out that they are really very similar, only one letter different when you take into account its a well known short version.

I totally agree though, the other mum shouldn't be so precious about her boy's name that she insists others change. As I said no one can own a name and Xander is becoming pretty common these days.

gottasmile · 01/04/2014 13:54

Really sounds like this mum thinks xander/ur is cool and now wants it for her own son.

How dare she tell the teacher what someone else's child should now be known as!

Stick to your guns op!

OwlCapone · 01/04/2014 13:55

Why direct it at me then? Confused

Patchouli · 01/04/2014 14:21

Good on you!
I think the other mum - and the teacher - were banking on you not saying anything.
They underestimated you :)

wishful75 · 01/04/2014 16:06

Owl capone because from your post I didn't think you knew that its basically just the same name, some people don't realise. Apologies if you did.