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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About Ds Teacher wanting to call him something else ?

415 replies

CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 16:49

So Ds 5 has come home from school a little bit upset & after asking bribing him to tell me what's wrong I'm unsure how to deal/react to it .

Right so for the sake of keeping my anonimity (sp) I have changed the names .

So Ds is called Tom & has a class mate called Thomas from what I can gather Thomas' mum has told their Teacher that Thomas must now be called Tom so the Teacher has told Ds that he must be called Thomas so everybody doesn't get confused Hmm

Ds said 'but that's not my name' but apparently that's how it has to be Hmm because everybody can't be confused by two children with the same name , even though Tom is what's on my Ds birth certificate not Thomas

So if I haven't lost/confused you all what should I do about this ?

I will be seeing the Teacher Monday so I will say something I'm just unsure of what to say

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 28/03/2014 17:02

At one time six out of the fifteen girls in my class all had the same first name (I was one of them). We managed without significant confusion.

BadgersRetreat · 28/03/2014 17:03

yy to adding surname initial - surely it's simple enough?

Don't get too PFB over it though - I spent my whole school career being called by my older sister's name - never did me any harm Grin

TeWiSavesTheDay · 28/03/2014 17:04

Rufus we had that.

It ended up being Tom Te (using first two letters if surname) for labelling work, just Tom in small groups, plus full surnames used when trying to get their attention!

Original poster
CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 17:04

Was definitely what the Teacher said as I have just spoke to my friend and she heard exactly what my Ds told me Smile

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 17:06

YANBU - tell the teacher she does not have the right to change your son's name, and you would appreciate her having the manners to use the name that is on his birth certificate.

CocktailQueen · 28/03/2014 17:06

We have this! The class and teacher manages to use Tom A and Tom J.

YANBU!!

Cotherstone · 28/03/2014 17:07

I started thinking I'd be saying YABU, as you can't control what your DC's names get shortened to but blimey, no, YANBU!

"I've got too many David's in this class. I'm just going you Bob instead."

Original poster
CrazyHhas5kitties · 28/03/2014 17:08

Felyne Grin

definitely not getting pfb over it as I have had my whole life been referred to as one of my siblings Grin

The most annoying bit is Ds name is not Common or even very well heard of & is a completely different name to his Class Mate

OP posts:
MiniSoksMakeHardWork · 28/03/2014 17:09

Crikey. That teacher would have a field day at our preschool. Ds has three friends all called jake. They are known with the first initial of their surname, so Jake A, Jake B and Jake C. Keeps it simple for everyone. It's the same in the school. Although my dd was known as 'little dd' in reception, as there was already a 'dd' and a 'big dd' - one girl was taller than the other.

I'd go in with the tack of making sure ds hasn't got the wrong end of the stick, and then make it quite clear that Tom is Tom and not an abbreviation for anything.

somedizzywhore1804 · 28/03/2014 17:09

Why doesn't teacher just go the whole hog and assign one of them a whole new name? Would be just as ridiculous!! I once taught a class with 5 Lukes in. I should have assigned 4 of them new names Grin

Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 28/03/2014 17:09

YANBU. Agree with other posters. My son had two other boys with his name in year 6 at school they all just added the first letter of their surname to their first name to avoid confusion.

Groovee · 28/03/2014 17:09

My friend had this, Her dd was Abby but the teacher insisted she was Abigail! Caused a stouchy when my friend challenged the teacher about it.

ellietheelephant1 · 28/03/2014 17:14

I teach a class with three girls called Rebecca. One is Becki, one is Bex and one is Rebecca. I have no more difficulty in remembering who is who than I do in distinguishing Emily from Leanne or either of the two boys called Sam! Learning the names of a hundred or so students is part of the job! Smile

littleducks · 28/03/2014 17:20

It might have been a bad joke, though I would expect a5 yr old to get confused not amused!

Tom A and Tom B will work. They may get nicknames l, at nursery there was little Mary and big Martin (the nursery nurse)

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 28/03/2014 17:21

If it's an accurate version of events, I'd be pretty annoyed to be honest. There are various other options available to distinguish one child from the next (or one Thomas from the next).

I have a name which is a name in its own right, as well as an abbreviation of a longer name. I was often called the longer (and incorrect) name by lazy teachers who just couldn't be arsed to call me by my correct name. The older I got, the more bolshy I got about it and would refuse to answer to anyone calling me by the longer version (as it wasn't my name!).

Kids do remember. I was three and at play school when a teacher wouldn't believe what my name was. I remember being told I was a 'nasty little girl' as I didn't want the picture I'd done as she'd supposedly written my name on it - but it wasn't actually my name - and i was understandably upset. My mum tore strips off her as she was wrong and FGS, everyone has the right to be known by their proper name, not a made up version of what a teacher/employer/anyone else thinks it might be. And my mum was a teacher who herself had years when she had four or five children with the same name in her class and didn't appear to have an issue telling one child from the next.

In summary, I think the teacher has a cheek and is lazy. I'd be taking it further (this has really riled me!).

MrsKCastle · 28/03/2014 17:22

When you talk to the teacher, I would act as if it is all a misunderstanding. It's easier and politer than trying to challenge her, and may still be true. (Did your friend hear from her own DC? Both may have misunderstood the teacher's intentions).

E.g. 'Tom was a bit upset on Friday- he seemed to think you were asking him to respond to Thomas. I explained that you wouldn't do that, as it's not his name, but if you could just reassure him, that would be great. Thanks'

Job done.

addictedtosugar · 28/03/2014 17:24

Different name, but sticking with Tom, DS1's class (He's one of the Tom's) gas Tom W, Tom I, Tom Mac and Tom Mc. Not a problem, tho why, in a 3 form entry they put all 4 Tom's in one class, and didn't spread them out I'll never know.

OP: YADNBU. He has a right to be called what he wants, but may have to accept a descriptor afterwards.

phantomnamechanger · 28/03/2014 17:30

LOL at Felyne

this should be so simple OP. probably teacher will be mortified when she realises your DS is not even a Thomas. Even if he was, and Tom is your preferred name, she should stick to that and use surname initial. In DS class there are 5 pairs of kids with the same names, it has never been a problem! One class has 4 Lilys in it! There were about 8 Traceys in my year at school. They all managed to be ID'd correctly.

Finola1step · 28/03/2014 17:38

Oh how silly. Reminds me of my headteacher at infant school. She was v prim and proper and could not accept that my name was not an abbreviation (e.g most Beckys are actually Rebecca). She could not accept that my legal name was the short hand version. Insisted on calling me the wrong name until I moved to the juniors at 7. Despite my parents telling her repeatedly. Strange fish!

Just tell the teacher straight.

diddl · 28/03/2014 17:38

Even if the other boy now wants to be called Tom, why would that mean that OPs son could no longer be called it-even if he was a Thomas on his BC?

Goblinchild · 28/03/2014 17:41

We had a reception class of twenty children, and five of them had the same name. So we called them by their chosen name (it could be abbreviated) AND their surname.
Your child's name is his identity, it's a big deal to him and needs to be taken seriously.

Marcipex · 28/03/2014 17:43

I hear your story and I raise you:
My DS was new to the infant class. His new teacher told me she wanted to call him by a different name because her own child, who was in the same class, had the same name and didn't want to become Tom A or Tom B, he wanted to be the only one.
I admit if it had come from my child instead of the teacher I would have said he must be confused.

Well, tough, I had to say to her, a bit more politely than that, but not very...

I will hope for an update next week OP.

Whatisaweekend · 28/03/2014 17:46

Your son was Tom first - why in the hell should he be expected to change his name just because this other mother has taken it into her head to change her Thomas to Tom? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!!

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 28/03/2014 17:47

Marcipex - that is a shocking attitude on the part of the teacher! Seriously, if she thought that was normal and acceptable, what else would she deem ok? I'm not necessarily against teachers teaching their own children, but most I've known are usually harder on their own children than anyone else and take great pains not to have favourites.

phantomnamechanger · 28/03/2014 17:48

Marcipex Shock bet he was her PFB Grin
but seriously, how entitled are some people. Giving a kid a random name so yours can be the only one!!