To tell Dh it is not ok to leave 10yr old ds and 6 yr old dd alone in the house?

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Dh is making me feel that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but I came back from work today (later than usual as had a meeting) to find Dh in the car on the drive about to take ds2 to beavers.

He was going to leave ds1 and dd1 in the house while he dropped ds2 off! They are only 10 and 6.

Dh says they were both settled watching tv and he would only have been gone for 5mins.

However I am appalled and feel shocked that he has considered doing this. I'm really upset and feel cross but can't be cross as Dh is making out that I'm over reacting.

Am I?

Different children too I imagine Bowlers If DS2 (3 at the moment) carries on being as impulsive as he has been so far I can't see me being happy to leave him for a long time.
DS1 on the other hand didn't take his jumper off a single time in the whole of his time at infants because the reception teacher told him he couldn't one day.

I can see the point about children being different, notso. I regularly leave ds alone in the evenings to go and babysit a boy who was in his class at infants school- but I can quite see where his mum is coming from.

Then again, I do think some children at least grow in maturity if you raise your expectations somewhat. Otherwise it would be hard to see how those continentals get away with it.

My 12yo took her Red Cross emergency first aid, a babysitting course, and gets paid to look after other people's babies and toddlers during the daytime and evenings when there are no adults around.

A 10 and 6 yo alone for 5 minutes? No problems at all. Our mobile phone numbers are taped to the fridge, they know how to use the landline. They know how to summon the emergency services. They know our address. They are familiar with basic first aid, and I give them The Talk about being sensible before I leave. It's really not a problem at all.

Cory, sorry but I seem to be repeating myself to you.
In my opinion, out in public is different to out of sight home alone. If an old lady falls in public what happens? People
Rush to see if she is right and ring ambulance if necessary. What would happen if she was home alone and fell. She may have to wait until someone came to see her. My grandmother did.

I'm not saying I wouldn't let my child catch a bus to
School alone. He would be in public. And I said
Maybe as in maybe 12 is definately mature
Enough depending on the child it could be 11
Maybe, every child is different. I still wouldn't leave them Responsible For a young sibling.

Hopefully Red will at least now stop being so "shocked and appalled" with her DH, even if she continues to disagree with what he did, as the view he took is well supported here.

I'm a great believer in the saying ' a parent is not someone to lean on but someone who makes leaning unnecessairy'

If I couldn't leave a 6yo and 10yo who had no additional needs or a history of doing stupid things for 5 min then I'd think I'd failed somewhat.
I also really don't understand the hand wringing about being ALONE. I accept this may be because I'm antisocial and some of the happiest times of my childhood were when I was still in primary and I had the house to myself for about half an hour every night before my older siblings descended.

dinasour I'm confused as to why you are quoting me
On things I Haven't said - shocked and appalled?????

You wouldn't let them be responsible for a young sibling at 12?

Dear, dear, what about other people's babies and toddlers, like my dd looks after, and her many friends who all earn their pocket money doing the same thing?

Confession: From time to time, I leave my 8 and 4 year old alone whilst I walk the dog in the park next door. They're both given clear instructions about what to do and what not to do. They're actually just always eating their breakfasts. It gives our daugther (a very too mature 8) a sense of responsibility. I allow them to go to the park 'unsupervised' too. They actually seem to really like/enjoy the freedom.

We live in a small rural community, and whilst there's always a risk, we wouldn't want them to grow up feeling smothered. My wife is probably slightly more risk averse - she doesn't approve of them scaling trees and jumping from them, onto the trampoline and then into the pool

depends on how mature and capable the 10yr old is. Its not so much looking after the 6yr old that would worry me, its whether the 10yr old would know what to do...if 6yr old became hurt.....if there was a fire...who to ring if there was an emergency etc etc etc

But surely the greater risk of not being able to get assistance at home must be weighed against the thought of the far lesser risk of having an accident in the first place?

If ds stays at home it is pretty well guaranteed that a car won't drive into him.

He may have other types of accidents, but if he sits watching the telly, the number of possible accidents is pretty limited. Far more limited than if he is out and about.

Ime healthy normal 10yos are not quite as prone to suddenly falling over as old ladies are. How often do your 10/11yos fall downstairs?

Surely that is why we dare leave even toddlers without watching them while we sleep at night though we would never dare to do so when they were toddling around the house in the daytime: it is because we have made the risk assessment that they are less likely to come to harm asleep in their cots.

Red- but if you had left your son at home he wouldn't have had a head injury to manage.

I know a lot of children including my own who have had accidents and needed ambulances and all the rest. Not a single one over the age of about 5 sustained that injury while at home, either alone or with adults.

And incidentally, children should be taught their address and how to phone 999 and what to say from the earliest possible age. The person most likely to fall downstairs at at home is the one who is probably coming down them too fast carrying a basket of laundry and 6 empty coffee cups while talking on the phone and shouting at a toddler and wondering where th other welly is.

Sorry, Red, had confused you with the OP, who said that she was shocked and appalled.

Cory- i was trying to prove my
Point to you yet again how out in public is different to being out of sight at home. Not the falling bit.
It was an example to how being alone is different.
I've seem to have failed to
Explain this to you on three occasions, so I'll give up.

NB couldn't the children go to a neighour's house in the unlikely event that something happened? A good reason to get to know your neighbours.

So just to clarify I don't baby my son he can travel to and from school on his own when old enough and can go on school trips etc. I just won't leave him home alone until
He is old enough, I don't see the point personally. But we all parent differently.

Martorana Wed 26-Mar-14 14:05:24

"And incidentally, children should be taught their address and how to phone 999 and what to say from the earliest possible age. The person most likely to fall downstairs at at home is the one who is probably coming down them too fast carrying a basket of laundry and 6 empty coffee cups while talking on the phone and shouting at a toddler and wondering where th other welly is."

Very true. Parent (if middle aged) is also far more likely to have a sudden heart attack, stroke etc. So teaching basic emergency skills from an early age really can save a life. And save a youngster from the trauma of helplessly watching their parent die.

I'm with you Red. We're in the minority though., it appears.

Thankfully mine are teens now, so not a problem I have to think about any more (just replaced by all those 'teen' problems )

Yes I am afraid you have failed, Red.

I still cannot see how having an accident and getting help is better than not having an accident.

I therefore cannot see how a situation where you are more likely to have an accident but more likely to get help is better than one where you are not likely to have an accident at all.

I just don't get it.

Red- what I can't understand is that you still think it's better to take a child with you than leave them at home watching the telly when your ds was actually involved in a car crash and injured. I honestly can't get my head round that at all. I know you are saying that if he had been at home you wouldn't have been there to manage the injury- but the point is he wouldn't have had the injury if he had been at home. As I said, I know lots of children who have had injuries- none at all happened at home once they got past the rolling off the bed stage.

And if he has an accident at home, why would it make a difference if he is 11 or 12? If he knocks himself unconscious, being 52 wouldn't help him. And if he is 11 presumably he knows how to use a phone?

How do any of us dare stay alone at home- I'm going to be alone here until this afternoon. What if I have a fall and knock myself out?

Red the point is they can stay at home and play/do homework/watch tv instead of having to go on every tiny errand. It's simply a nicer way to live. If you have 3/4/5 children and they all do one or two activities as well as having different friends then an extraordinary amount of time is taken up with small journeys to beavers/swimming/karate etc and it's dull as fuck to be dragged along on all of those journeys.

You are responsible for yourself, Cory, you are an adult. It is acceptable that adults chose to be on their own for periods of time. It is also you, the adult, who is responsible for whether a child will be left alone. Not the child, itself.

MsMischief, if you have that many children it is still your responsibility to look after them all. Not pick and chose, and take the easy option all the time.