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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Dh it is not ok to leave 10yr old ds and 6 yr old dd alone in the house?

259 replies

StartRight · 25/03/2014 21:56

Dh is making me feel that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but I came back from work today (later than usual as had a meeting) to find Dh in the car on the drive about to take ds2 to beavers.

He was going to leave ds1 and dd1 in the house while he dropped ds2 off! They are only 10 and 6.

Dh says they were both settled watching tv and he would only have been gone for 5mins.

However I am appalled and feel shocked that he has considered doing this. I'm really upset and feel cross but can't be cross as Dh is making out that I'm over reacting.

Am I?

OP posts:
2BFree · 26/03/2014 07:16

All those saying their dcs walk home from school - on a recent safeguarding course it was explained that this is considered much less risky than being home alone.
A primary child alone would be considered unsafe; a primary child in charge of a younger one at home a definite no.
That's just from the course, regardless of my views, I've taken it on board because I don't want the hassle of being reported. I wouldn't have left 10 and 6 anyway though.

Delphiniumsblue · 26/03/2014 07:18

It is not illegal to leave the older child in charge of the younger, it just means that they are not responsible, you as the parent are- but surely you would expect this?
I can't see why you would leave the middle child going to Beavers alone. They are crossing roads etc whereas the other two are in front of the TV for five minutes and unlikely to move.
If you were my DH and tried to get an order prohibiting me from leaving them for 5 mins, NeedsASockAmnesty I would fight it!
You are equal parents and need to discuss it. I have never had a situation where we were not in agreement, but if my DH was laying down the law about what I did when he wasn't there I would do the obvious and say 'if you don't like it then make sure you are home for the Beaver run'.
It depends firstly on whether they want to be left, secondly on how far you trust them and thirdly on if they know what to do in an emergency.
If he was talking about 15 mins or longer it would be different, but it was 5 minutes.

JeanSeberg · 26/03/2014 07:23

So many mums who think they are senior parent.

Pantone363 · 26/03/2014 07:25

I'll be in the minority here due to ages but I leave my 9, 6 and 4 yr old alone for 5 mins to go to the shop.

If they are all sat on the sofa under a blanket watching a film there would be chaos if I got them all up to pop out for some milk. Half the time they don't even know I'm gone.

Delphiniumsblue · 26/03/2014 07:28

It appears to be the case JeanSedberg as in the father is supposed to adhere to her rules when he is in charge, like a babysitter for his own children and must get instructions for everything!
He was looking after them, he thinks it reasonable and he thinks she is making a mountain out of a molehill. I can see no reason why he shouldn't do it next week.

Soditall · 26/03/2014 07:29

No never would.The thing is you can say I'll only be 5 mins but that's not always the case.
What if he'd been held up by someone needing to speak to him or they'd gone in late or God forbid there had been an accident and you hadn't been home for a few hours they would have been on they're own all that time.

So many people complain about children growing up to quickly and yet on the other hand they're supposed to be fine not only left on they're own but left to care for another child.No wonder lots of children feel like they're getting mixed messages.

Martorana · 26/03/2014 07:30

"Wouldn't they statistically be safer staying at home for 5 minutes than being taken in the car for five minutes, as 1 in 3 accidents happen in the mile from home?"

Of course they would. People are stupid about perception of risk.

feathermucker · 26/03/2014 07:31

I think your level of upset, outrage etc is unreasonable.

dexter73 · 26/03/2014 07:31

Soditall - If there had been an accident I would rather the kids were sat at home on their own for a few hours.

Poppylovescheese · 26/03/2014 07:33

I would leave them in this situation

Delphiniumsblue · 26/03/2014 07:34

So you think that it is better to be in the accident with you, than safely at home worrying, Soditall? Hmm Are they just going to sit and cry? If they don't know who to contact in an emergency then you shouldn't leave them. (And you are not doing your job properly)

Delphiniumsblue · 26/03/2014 07:35

Personally I would rather they were crying at home than in the car accident!!

Delphiniumsblue · 26/03/2014 07:37

In an accident my first thought would be 'thank goodness I left them at home!'

GreenLandsOfHome · 26/03/2014 07:38

Is it literally 5 minutes? Or is it the generic 'oh it's only 5 minutes' that actually is more like 20?

A club that my dc go to is literally 2 minutes from our house but I could never drop them off and get home in 5 minutes. By the time you factor in parking, going in with them and handing them over, then maybe they'll ask you to do their laces/take them to the toilets before it starts etc...

Literally 5 minutes and I wouldn't have a problem. People do seem to use that length of time for anything under half an hour though!

dexter73 · 26/03/2014 07:41

Greenlands - the op said 'yes 5 mins, the hall is just across a field from us'

feathermucker · 26/03/2014 07:41

So many what if's.....what if the car crashed, what if he got delayed, what if, what if etc.

Surely the safest place is in the home (if they're sensible) I don't understand why OP is so outraged. And also why she seems to feel as if she has more right to decide things like this than her DH.

If it's really making you that uncomfortable, you need to come to a compromise with your DH OP.

What was the outcome, what did he say about his reasoning etc?

Soditall · 26/03/2014 07:42

Yes but that's the thing many SS are so scared of being pulled up on an old child case where they could have done something and didn't that some now overreact out of fear of being prosecuted and having they're names dragged through the press that if the children had alerted a neighbor and they called the Police or the children themselves called the police social services would be involved and can you honestly say you'd want them involved?and you'd need all the help you could get if you had one that was under review for a missed past case you could end up with serious involvement from SS.

Ploppy16 · 26/03/2014 07:42

I started to leave mine at round about that age for 5/10 minutes. DS is 13 now and has looked after his 2 year old sister for 5 minutes for me (although she does usually come with me). He has his phone, a key and always knows which neighbour is around.
It's fine, in a situation where I could be in an accident I would rather they were at home safe than under a car. In case of a fire we live 2 minutes away from the afire station and everybody knows the escape route.
You have to start trusting them at some point and most children of that age want a bit of responsibility every so often.
You also need to trust your husband by the sound of it, your opinion is no more valid than his.
YABU.

GreenLandsOfHome · 26/03/2014 07:43

t appears to be the case JeanSedberg as in the father is supposed to adhere to her rules when he is in charge, like a babysitter for his own children and must get instructions for everything

That is really unfair. Everyone has their own parenting no no's. If DH suddenly decided to leave our kids alone while he popped out (ours are 6 and 3 so bit different to the op), should I just stand back and go 'Oh well, he's their father, I obviously can't question him, he's entitled to make the decision'?

I would go fucking mental btw.

SugarplumKate · 26/03/2014 07:49

I leave my 10 3/4 year old. Haven't left her with my 7 yer old, but she does look after her if we re out eg take her to the loo. I leave my 13 3/4 year old in charge of the 10 and 7 year olds and have just started leaving the 3 year old with the 2 oldest for 15 mins whilst I pick up 7 year old from a club. It depends how sensible/mature they are and whether they fight!

Martorana · 26/03/2014 07:52

Always amused by the "what if there was a car crash?" brigade- because it's obviously so much better to be hit by a lorry than to be home alone on the sofa watching telly!

And the "anything might happen" brigade. Exactly what is the anything? Alien abduction? Mad ax murderer?

Ilovexmastime · 26/03/2014 07:56

YABU. I would leave them in that situation. If mine are watching tv or playing on the playstation then they're not going anywhere until I turn off the tv or playstation, so I am happy to leave them for 5-20 mins whilst I walk the dogs. I take my mobile and they know how to call me from the home phone if they need me. They never have, they've never changed position even when I've got back! They're 9&7 and I have been doing this very occasionally for a year at least.

JeanSeberg · 26/03/2014 08:00

'fucking mental' at leaving a 10 and 6 year kid for 5 minutes? Get a grip.

RedHelenB · 26/03/2014 08:05

If we are talking y2 & y6 then I really don't see a problem as long as neighbours were around. Even if they were y1 & Y5, for only 5 mins I doubt they would have moved from sofa!

As long as mine know to get the hell out if a fire starts, not to answer the door & how to contact me then I see no reason they can't be at home on their own.

GreenLandsOfHome · 26/03/2014 08:30

fucking mental' at leaving a 10 and 6 year kid for 5 minutes? Get a grip.

Try reading JeanSeberg. That's not what I was referring to.

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