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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell Dh it is not ok to leave 10yr old ds and 6 yr old dd alone in the house?

259 replies

StartRight · 25/03/2014 21:56

Dh is making me feel that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill but I came back from work today (later than usual as had a meeting) to find Dh in the car on the drive about to take ds2 to beavers.

He was going to leave ds1 and dd1 in the house while he dropped ds2 off! They are only 10 and 6.

Dh says they were both settled watching tv and he would only have been gone for 5mins.

However I am appalled and feel shocked that he has considered doing this. I'm really upset and feel cross but can't be cross as Dh is making out that I'm over reacting.

Am I?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 25/03/2014 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
StartRight · 25/03/2014 22:44

I feel exactly like that Mommypolls.

We are in a minority it seems surprisingly.

Mintyy honestly what you describe is very unusual to me, but I am definitely not the norm on this thread!

OP posts:
milkysmum · 25/03/2014 22:55

I think I would be fine with this if they were sensible kids? 5 mins? I could be longer than that in the bathroom/ garden etc...

Delphiniumsblue · 25/03/2014 23:03

He wouldn't be sleeping in the shed. You would have to separate and then he would have access and be able to leave them for 5 minutes. You are equal parents.

Gruntfuttock · 25/03/2014 23:03

OscarWinningActress "I think it's Ok if you time it such that they have got their beans out"

Got their beans out? Confused What kind of beans? Runner? Baked?

pennefab · 25/03/2014 23:09

I'm with the posters who say depends on the children and how they get along/ their sensibilities. Personally fine with leaving my DC alone for that short amount of time. Just review house rules with the kids on regular basis...

BrianTheMole · 25/03/2014 23:15

Plus, isn't it actually illegal to leave children alone before the age of 12?

No. Theres no set age. Its about applying common sense to the situation. And what would work for 1 child may not work for another.

CremeEggThief · 25/03/2014 23:18

YABU about the 10 year old, but YANBU about the 6 year old.

NewtRipley · 25/03/2014 23:19

I also agree it depends on the children

BUT unless you know they know exactly what to do in the event of a range of (unlikely) emergencies, I think it's too young to leave a 10 year old in charge of a 6 year old.

5 minutes to the corner shop - yes. Drive away? Probably not

monicalewinski · 25/03/2014 23:24

You've got to start giving them some trust and independence at some point, 5 mins in front of the tv is perfect imo.

I was quite happy to leave mine for short bursts from younger than yours (ie 5 to 10 mins) and my eldest had is own key for after school from 11th b'day.

You are being a touch over dramatic imo, but I can see why.

demisemiquaver · 25/03/2014 23:26

yanbu

Martorana · 25/03/2014 23:27

Perfectly fine. You over reacted and you owe your Dp an apology.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2014 23:33

There are no laws regarding an age when children can be left unattended

However if doing so places them at risk then it is a criminal offence. Anything they are at risk of does not need to actually happen for it to be a child protection issue.

An under 8 being home alone would rarely not be considered to be an issue I've know many EPO's happen because of this.

A under 12 being left in charge of a under 8 is also something I've known it to happen for.

The nspcc have some useful info about this type of thing (but some of it is a bit weird they talk about not leaving 16yo home alone for a week and at 16 you can leave home).

If the other parent of my children was leaving a under 8 in the sole charge of a under 12 then I would consider his judgement seriously flawed if after discussion he carried on I would apply for a order prohibiting him from doing so and I would get it.

spottyblanket · 25/03/2014 23:36

Not perfectly fine. 6 far too young. 10 may be ok for short periods if they are sensible & level headed & feel comfortable about it.

Trust your instincts OP

Kaekae · 25/03/2014 23:38

I wouldn't do it.

JammieCodger · 25/03/2014 23:49

I leave my 9 and 7 year old alone for 10/15minutes while I nip out, but if I'm taking the car then they come too. They are very sensible, know the rules and will stick to them, but there are an awful lot of arseholes behind the wheel out there, road accidents happen far too often, and if I've told my children I'll be back in five minutes, then I want to be back in five minutes.

I also felt it very important that my dh agreed that they were ok to be left and discussed it with him before leaving the elder on her own for the first time , the younger alone for the first time, and the first time they were left together. Its the kind of step that both parents need to agree on and be happy with. YANBU.

BackforGood · 25/03/2014 23:52

Two issues :
1 - I personally would be comfortable leaving a 10 and 6 yr old watching TV whilst I popped out for 5mins (especially wiht the added security that you were due back too, so even if he were inexplicably delayed, you were due home.

2 - He's their parent too. I can't see why you instinct about something should trump hi when you have a difference of opinion. Whichever parent is looking after them at the time the decision has to be made, "owns" that decision. You may disagree about lots of things, but you both have the right to make decisions for your dc, and if he was in charge at the time, then it's his call.

5feralloinfruits · 25/03/2014 23:57

im pretty sure its illegal for a 10 yr old to be left alone with a younger child.

Inertia · 25/03/2014 23:58

I wouldn't do it. Don't think it's reasonable to leave 10yo in charge of 6yo- and it's just not worth the risk, especially in the car. Leaving a 10yo in the house while you pop next door to borrow some milk is one thing , but the chances of considerable delay are much greater with car journeys.

fideline · 25/03/2014 23:59

YANBU. Not at all. They don't have the maturity to deal with an emergency.

galletti · 26/03/2014 00:03

For five/ten minutes, with sensible 10 year old, I don't see a problem.

sashh · 26/03/2014 07:06

I think a rule of thumb is can they make their own way to school?

If ds 2 is too young to make his own way to Beavers (unless it's miles away) then a child younger than him is too young to be left alone, ad a 10 year old babysitter is the same as alone.

Why didn't he tell the middle child to make his own way to Beavers?

Verycold · 26/03/2014 07:08

Not sure about that rule sashh, surely sitting on the sofa in front of the telly carries less risk of accident than walking/cycling somewhere?

Verycold · 26/03/2014 07:11

I find the British particularly cautious in this area, in Germany nobody at all would bat an eyelid

dexter73 · 26/03/2014 07:16

Wouldn't they statistically be safer staying at home for 5 minutes than being taken in the car for five minutes, as 1 in 3 accidents happen in the mile from home?