AIBU to not want to leave my distraught DC to be put to bed by a sitter?

[MWNameChange]

So I need to get some perspective on this (have NCd as this could out me):

A friend is having a birthday meal soon and invited myself and DH. When they originally suggested a time at the time of invite, we responded that it would be too early for us but could be out for 8pm. They then sent a generic text to all the invitees saying they had booked a table at a restaurant for 7.45pm - 30 mins drive from us.

We did not say anything else at this point as we did not want to make a fuss, or for them to change plans for us as we assumed they understood we would not be there until 8pm.

We have arranged to share a lift and babysitter with friends who are also going in order to save money - they understand we cannot leave until 7.30pm as our son just will not be put to bed by a sitter and we need to get him in bed ourselves before we can leave the house. He gets distraught at being left so we need to make sure he is in bed first and ok.

The friends who have invited us have now said they are pissed off and think it is rude that we will not be there at 7.45pm as "we have been given enough notice to get sorted".

AIBU to think this is out of order seeing as we are having to fork out for sitter plus drive 30mins to celebrate their birthday and they knew we would not be able to get there any earlier? I'm feeling pretty cross at the moment!

Gosh OP this sounds like too much stress already! Apart from the whole bedtime-gate, i wouldn't fancy forking out for a 20 mile taxi trip and besides, by 8Pm i am knackered rather tired. Stay at home is what i would be doing

A lot of people harsh on op I think. The restaurant 20 miles away is piss off right at the outset, unless its handy for the rest of the group.

My DS is quite happy with sitters, but his cousin would have gone bananas at this. He's just like that, although he is getting much better. Meet ups with friends who have children are based on people arriving when they can. The friends are up tight, I don't see how the op can be accused of expecting anyone to fit in with her, she said when she could get there and doesn't expect everyone to wait, or reschedule.

If the table is booked for 7.45 and it's a large group of people, there is no way they will be ordering until 8.15 at the earliest. The hostess is being VERY precious and completely deluded if she thinks everyone will turn up at exactly the allotted time after a frigging 20 mile journey!

And FGS the meal is not being 'dictated' by a 4 year old. The OP sounds like a lovely caring mum to me. It's ridiculous to assume that because the OP's ds is like this now he'll be like that forever more. Like some gypsys curse, rod for your own back etc. It's rubbish. Children change, go through phases etc.