To be sad about this?

[Moonfacesmother]

I've read a lot of times that intelligence is largely inherent.

Dh and I are average / slightly above average intelligence I would say. We were both in the top groups at school, went to university, have professions etc.

So I was sad on parent's evening to hear that ds (4 and in reception) is struggling. He's at the bottom of his class and it is not a high achieving class. I don't think he has a specific SEN, he just isn't very academic. I know it isn't the end of the world and there are other sorts of intelligence but life is certainly easier if everything isn't a struggle. And it's disheartening for a child to always find everything at school difficult.

I guess I expected ds to at least be about average. He's been read to loads, had lots if input, been to lots of places etc. so I sort of expected with either nature or nurture that he'd wouldn't 'struggle'

I'm horrid aren't I?

At a certain age point (5 or 6 or 7) a child suddenly 'gets it'. No point worrying any sooner. Everything changes after this point.

Ds3 struggled to learn to read. He still couldn't read at all in year 1. Not a word. We found out he was trying to read from the centre of the word outwards. He also had a squint that they had avoided correcting because he was long sighted with an outward squint. He was given glasses & patches in year 1. Went from being unable to read to free reading in under 2 terms & now in year 4 sits comfortably at the top of the class.

Wait & see what the glasses do.

My ds1 has a higher prescription, and like you we didn't spot it - when they are so young they can focus by straining, and they adapt without realising, as they don't know they can't see.
When he got his glasses, also age 4, he was amazed. He loves them, and his behaviour and physical ability came on leaps and bounds. Your ds will probably have the same - it's a big prescription, it will make a big difference to his school experience. Ds1 is very academic as it goes.
Ds2 on the other hand - much better eyesight but not very fussed about reading, writing. I think at this age sometimes the worst thing is to push it - when they "get it" they want to read, making it into a big deal sucks the joy out of it for them.
Neither of them can do bloody buttons, zips, shoelaces to save their lives, and ds2 comes home from or with all his clothes on backwards every time. But he's only 4, so I don't expect much else from him. Don't beat yourself up op, he'll get all of it, and the timing doesn't matter.

Out of interest where in the school year is his birthday?

Sounds like you've seen a real improvement with glasses. My dc has development delay, cognitive processing or learning disabilities - whatever I call it it still boils down to the fact she isn't ever going to be academic!

I think we'll be having quite a few parents evenings like yours.

June. He's one of the younger ones and he was six weeks premature.

I'm pleased with the above writing though.
I would have thought that was about average for his age?

My friend wrote off her DS in KS1 after school told her he was really struggling with school for no obvious reason. He was bottom of the class for pretty much everything. Fast forward ten years and he got brilliant A levels and is now at a RG univ on a highly regarded course. No special needs just didn't click with learning until age 10/11.

You my lovely are about to receive my very first and a real hope you start to show some of the intelligence you infer your son is lacking.

do some research into summer born effect in school, look into the effect of prematurity, read the evidence base for what four year olds are capable of, think about what you are doing to his self esteem - a failure at four, try viewing the world through his eyes. I think hes a fucking genius to be able to keep up.

I wish my child had half his intelligence.

Some of the posters here have been absolutely horrific. OP, he sounds brilliant and YANBU to be sad that he might find school a struggle. You're doing all the right things in sorting out glasses, explaining vision problems to school etc. I hope he's feeling excited by being able to see better now!

They no longer age adjust him for the prematurity. Six weeks apparently isn't that big a deal according to my health visitor and gp anyway.

I'm not suggesting he lacks intelligence. I know there are many forms of it anyway but it was disheartening to go to parent's evening and to be told your child is struggling.

I hope that the glasses make his life much much much easier and I feel bad for not noticing sooner that he couldn't see very well but he was coping well considering how high the prescription is.

"Like" to your latest post!

Out of interest - at what age should you get their eyes tested? DS has just turned 4 and similarly writes terribly, struggles with fine motor skills, can't do buttons etc.

I help out with DS's class. Year One. 5-6 year olds. That is pretty much where the vast majority of them were writing at the beginning of Y1 if they were at a fairly middling level. Some better. Some a bit worse (including my DS).

Thanks!

Ds was tested at school just after Christmas. We honestly had no idea he couldn't see very well, he hid it pretty well and the optician said children can mask the problem because they can focus their eyes better than adults can. It was noticeable looking back that he was much more distracted in the evenings but I always thought he was just tired. And I put a lot of things down to poor fine motor which it still might be but not being able to see very well won't have helped.
He's been great, he's worn his glasses without complaining which makes me think it must be better as he was dead set against them at first.

Children under 6 (I think it's 6) have to be seen at the hospital as the opticians lack the speciality to test their eyes. If you're worried you could speak to you hv or gp?

My eyes are 6.5 not 7.5 like your son. I'm on the laptop now. If I take my glasses off I can't read the big blue mumsnet at the top of the page, let alone anything else on the whole page. I can't see my buttons, I can't work out how to put the zip together at the bottom of a coat except by touch, which would be horrible to have to learn to do that way for the first time. I have to have different coloured and shaped shampoo, bodywash and conditioner in the shower because different brands alone is not enough. I think that you haven't taken on board just how little your son will have been able to see.
I honestly think that you have to wait until he's had his glasses a while and then decide if there's an issue to worry about at all.

It's understandable to want the best for him, all us parents do that.

However, the amount of emphasis you are placing on this may well be obvious to him. This may then, in turn, cause further problems with regards to his self esteem and his understanding of your expectations of him.

By all means, help him, talk to him, get correct glasses etc but you may need to keep reminding yourself that he is only 4.

As others have said he is 4.

I have had to re read your op a few times to make sure I am reading this right that he is 4 and not in year 4.

My DD was doing pretty much basic of basics at 4, I used to over hear other mothers muttering " At least he can hold a crayon properly now" at 2, and we were no where near any of that.

I supported my DD but did not stress out about her reading or writing.

She is now 6 and it was only when she was weeks off her 6th birthday that she literally has gone up stratospherically and I did think wow, this is amazing.

Everything clicked for her, and she is flying along.

I realised why European schools only start them at 6 or 7.

My DD was behind lots of others in nursery, who could write their own names and count to 20 and so on.

So please please do not write him off. Keep an eye on him but wait, support and keep things fun for him. He is so little. children are not robots all programmed to develop at the same time, they come to things in their own time. Albert Einstein wasn't supposed to have spoken till he was two or something.

Then, if after a few years you are worried, think about other avenues for himI heard fab interview once about man who told mother her daughter was a dancer and the academic environment was totally wrong for her, so she put her in a dance school, and now she is a top choreographer at the royal opera house or something. I am really sure I made sure he is 4 but if he is year for, apologies for long rampble.

I think the worse thing you can do is worry and create a problem where there is none, I would carry on as normal. You do not in any way shape or form want to burden this boy with these worries.

I've only just read your thread. Great news that he is wearing his glasses without complaining. His writing is amazing, my dc that is most academic in year 6 didn't even learn to read until she was past 5.5... not sure what she did for writing before then

My most academic child is flying btw, one of the highest achievers in her year despite being the youngest, my older dc are academically able too.

It's just that whole thing of he is only 4 and so much changes by the time they are 7. The dc I mentioned did learning to read to free readers in a term and a half... that whole it just clicked and she was off and unstoppable and cost us a fortune in books.

Long-time glasses-wearing lurker here. I'm really glad your son is doing well with his new glasses! I found this website that has a vision simulator on it (it's in German, but longsightedness is hyperopie) which might give you an idea of what he's been seeing. I'll be using it to demonstrate to people what I see as a short-sighted person .

Vision Simulator

Hearing is apparently negatively affected by vision problems because the brain responds to poor visual input by concentrating more on vision to get as much information as it can, at the expense of hearing (or so I was told at university, many years ago). Net effect = "I can't hear you, hang on, let me put my glasses back on" .

That's interesting about the hearing.
He does seem to have masked the problem well but I don't doubt it was straining his eyes and making things much harder for him. It explains why he would try something for a short while and then give up, he probably couldn't hold the focus for that long.

With a +7.5 he would have been functionally partially sighted, and I doubt they are giving him his full prescription straight off either. It will make a huge difference to him but it will take a bit of getting used to.

Also, I didn't learn to read or write until I was 7. I was in the 'remedial' class when I was at school, when there was such a thing. One day it all just made sense.
I now have a degree and am a reception teacher.

Way too early to judge anything. The current way of teaching doesn't work for everyone - why would it? everyone is unique. Learning to read and write our language is hard work if you have a logical mind as the way our words work defy logic in a lot of cases (massive over simplification there). People develop at different rates and don't all follow the mandated timetable.

FWIW I didn't learn to read till I was 7. I just couldn't be bothered and so didn't bother. My teachers before that wrote me off as a bit thick (which was a bit of a downer for my parents). It took my 5th teacher (in 3 years at school) to 'get' me. By Christmas I was flying. I have gone on to get a degree, 3 postgrads and now work as a lawyer.

Also, from what I have observed where I work the people who are a success are those that have had to work hard - those that have found academics easy don't get on as well in the workplace. So, in the long run having to work for it will do him so much more good than finding it easy. A bit of adversity is good for our children.

He is 4! I am presuming he is one of the youngest in the class? Stop worrying. Let the teachers do their job and don't push him too hard. Let him learn by play in reception like they are supposed to. DS couldn't even write his name in reception!

Aww his eyesight will have been a HUGE obstacle to learning...

Also, my MIL was a teacher for 30 years. She said don't teach them to read or count before they start reception, just read to them and talk to them, that's enough.

All three of my daughters went to school and progressed 'slowly' in reception and year 1. By year 3 they were all excelling. I shan't tell you how brilliant they all are at aged 12, 13 and 16 or I would be showing off .

Most importantly they loved school and still do.

Oh, and I'm -10.75, and I can't hear without my glasses on.
That vision simulator is very interesting.