To be sad about this?

[Moonfacesmother]

I've read a lot of times that intelligence is largely inherent.

Dh and I are average / slightly above average intelligence I would say. We were both in the top groups at school, went to university, have professions etc.

So I was sad on parent's evening to hear that ds (4 and in reception) is struggling. He's at the bottom of his class and it is not a high achieving class. I don't think he has a specific SEN, he just isn't very academic. I know it isn't the end of the world and there are other sorts of intelligence but life is certainly easier if everything isn't a struggle. And it's disheartening for a child to always find everything at school difficult.

I guess I expected ds to at least be about average. He's been read to loads, had lots if input, been to lots of places etc. so I sort of expected with either nature or nurture that he'd wouldn't 'struggle'

I'm horrid aren't I?

Ah bless him being so perceptive. He sounds really sweet :)

Moonface it does sound as though your DSs problem has been his sight and that once that is sorted he will have chance to shine, but please whatever happens don't put pressure on him when it comes to school work. I don't know how to explain this in the right words, but keep the attitude light and unconcerned and just praise what he does well in. Determine to love and accept him and don't worry about what he can't do - I say this because with all the best motivations in the world I spent years trying to help my desperately dyslexic DS, worrying and fretting about it. He turned and said to me the other day - "why does everyone always focus on what I can't do?" He is an immensely bright child and all he sees on himself is his failure - and I feel as though I have created it with my worry.

DS2 is dyslexic too, but with the benefit of hindsight (poor ds1 as guinea pig) I have never worried about him, just praised the successes and gently helped him. He has all the confidence in the world and does well at school. I have terrible guilt that DS1 has been deprived that life outlook, if not the academic success, by the way I dealt with it.

So my long winded advice is please don't worry about your lovely DS, just cheerfully support him and praise his successes. If his school don't get on board with that, it may be worth finding a different one. I do think it leads to better self-esteem which itself leads to higher academic achievement - an emotionally unhappy child can't learn.

I actually think the problem is mainly the handwriting when it comes to writing.
He can actually sound out ok. He's just made a treasure map and written labels on it 'pond' and 'gass' (grass). But the handwriting is pretty bad.

I am left handed and your son sounds like me when I was four. I was in bottom sets and in what we would now call SEN group for particular lessons (I don't think they diagnosed many specific things back in the olden days, they just said I was 'behind'). I could write ok but not copy from the board (I needed glasses but didn't get them till much later) or understand number related things. I caught up later/in my own time and eventually studied at Oxford and do what you would describe as a professional/intellectual job now. I think for a lot of kids 4 is way too young to be graded and assessed and marked - it doesn't seem appropriate to me and if your son is happy and getting support when he needs it then I don't think you need to worry. For the record, my dh is also 'brainy', Oxbridge educated has a phd etc but as a couple we have always, always agreed that it's better to be happy than clever. Hopefully our kids will understand that we feel that way.

Great post from LEtranger there. What I meant to say (and failed I think!) is that being clever doesn't necessarily make you happy - or even successful actually. Being confident and determined is what makes the latter happen. Being loved and cheered on makes the former happen.

Moon, he sounds absolutely lovely, and pretty sharp as well. It's going to be fantastic for him to be able to see the world properly.

Letranger- that is great advice. Terrific advice.

Moon, like others have said- he sounds very very bright indeed with a response like he gave.

:)

moon just wanted to say what a fantastic boy you have. So despite having some big issues with his eye sight, he still catches a ball and does lot if things that he 'shouldn't' be able to do.
He is clever and witty as demonstrated by his comment.

What a cool child!

Thank you.
He is a lovely boy and I wouldn't swap him for the world. It just made me sad that he might spend a lot of time struggling.

Annoyingly the optician has just rung and said his glasses won't be ready this week, it will be another week extra to what they originally said. I'm not very pleased. Now I know about his sight I want something done ASAP.

I hope the glasses come soon. I suspect he will get on with wearing them fine. The optician told me when DD first got her glasses, that they usually have trouble with children who only have mild problems with their eyes not wanting to wear their glasses. Where it is more severe it makes more difference and they are usually happy to wear them. DD certainly was and still is.

This focus on academic achievement at such a young age really makes me sad. It's ridiculous, some children just aren't ready! DD1 was always at bottom, in various remedial groups, refused to read etc. Well, she's now 7 in year 3, she enjoys reading, her writing is legible and interesting, her maths are advanced and she loves school!

FWIW she also is farsighted and has really come on since she got her glasses. Give him some time.

I hope you can give us an update when he does get used to his glasses please. Hope all goes well for your son.

Moonfaces - I posted earlier about ds not being able to read in reception. He is October born so one of the oldest and finished reception really struggling with reading...he was moved onto ORT 1+ in the last few weeks of the year and could barely read it. He wrote no legible words other than his name.

I had parents evening tonight. He is yr 3. His teacher told me his reading is now level 4C and he is on the G&T register and he is 3A for writing.

I'm really not posting that to show off (he is my gorgeous ds regardless) but I wanted to show you exactly what looking at the 4 year old child shows you. Equally I could be back here in another 8 years bemoaning that ds used to do so well and is now flailing miserably! It means nothing at 4.

School at 4 is too young for lots of kids. My ds at 4 was bouncing off the walls and dressing as spiderman/ fireman Sam, no interest in reading at all. Fortunately pre-national curriculum rubbish and in a 'high-scope early years unit with a sensible teacher who accepted that kids will learn when they are ready. At 6 he was borderline sn cos he was too busy playing to sit down/read/ do what he was told. Learnt to read in yr 3 cos he decided to. At 22 is doing scientific research (didn't quite get the grades for med school) and considering phd. Will probably never earn more than his brickie and plumber mates tho!
Sort his vision out, guard his right to be a child, don't worry too much, encourage him to enjoy whatever learning he's ready for, when he's ready for it, and tell anyone who wants to label him as a failure to sod off.

Even without his eyesight issues, 4 is pretty young to be worrying about how good his handwriting is.

A lot of children don't start till 5 and some countries won't start teaching handwriting and reading till 7.

Stop stressing!

And don't get him to practice writing at home - do exercises like following dotted lines, colouring in, join the dots. Don't make it a chore. Games that encourage fine motor skills - threading beads, duplo, anything like that will help.

Honest to god. He's 4.

DD1 refused to read for a few years (I think until she was about 7). She is now in top sets for everything. She just wasn't interested in reading at 4. Kids start school very early in the UK and many aren't ready for academic learning. This is not an indication of later ability, it's an indication of the silliness of trying to make kids do things before they are ready. Not that it would be a terrible thing if you had a child who was below average academically- I'd guess many 'successful' people are having seen interviews with footballers, businessmen, etc.

Skimmed the thread, so am probably repeating everyone!

4 is too young to judge academic progress/ability. Both my boys started school in Scotland, they didn't start formal schooling until they were 5 and a half yrs old; we are now in England and I was horrified when my sister's youngest started school at 3 (reception), far too young imo.

Both of my boys didn't do particularly well with reading at all, until suddenly (seemingly overnight) at age 8 in year 4, they just 'got it' and they improved rapidly from that point (youngest is 9 next month and it is in the last 4 months that he has progressed at a rate of knots, oldest is nearly 12 and he has been an avid reader since he 'got it' - he reads every night because he loves it, I worried that he'd never learn at one point).

Don't over think it, and don't push too hard and risk removing the joy of learning - he will get it eventually, and even if he's not hugely academic it's not the end of the world.

My two cents, for what it's worth... For me, the most important thing is that my child leaves primary school with a love of learning intact. If need be, I can catch them up on writing, reading and maths, certainly to Y7 level. It's if they find the school/learning process demoralising and disengage that I am more worried about.

He's 4. If you feel the school have written him off, that's an issue. At this age, often things just "click" and you can't rush that.

I'm also the academically successful parent of a child who struggles at school and I know how you feel. What I'd be most concerned about if I were you is the worrying attitude of your son's school. My own son's school has always gone to great lengths to encourage and support him and to reassure rather than alarm us. Although he still finds some aspects of school work tough he has made great strides and most importantly, he absolutely loves school.

I bet you don't have to bribe him to wear them. I thought we would with DD but she has worn them happily since day 1 because they make everything so much easier.

Op when I was a child at school I wasn't academic, bottom sets, developmental delay. I came into my own when I left school at 18, went too college, retook GCSEs, did GNVQ. I now have a BA hons Psychology 2:1 and an MSc Health Psychology at Merit level. Your ds is only 4, a baby and at the very beginning of his learning journey. There is a lot of development still to happen, learning does not stop at 18.

Yes the glasses will make a big difference, poor boy

This is day 2 of glasses.
It says:

I can see a star fish.
I can see a shark.
I can see a jelly fish.

:)

And he chose to do it himself at 6.30pm.
I think this has to be a positive step!

It was his first day at school wearing them as he didn't go in yesterday.