To be sad about this?

[Moonfacesmother]

I've read a lot of times that intelligence is largely inherent.

Dh and I are average / slightly above average intelligence I would say. We were both in the top groups at school, went to university, have professions etc.

So I was sad on parent's evening to hear that ds (4 and in reception) is struggling. He's at the bottom of his class and it is not a high achieving class. I don't think he has a specific SEN, he just isn't very academic. I know it isn't the end of the world and there are other sorts of intelligence but life is certainly easier if everything isn't a struggle. And it's disheartening for a child to always find everything at school difficult.

I guess I expected ds to at least be about average. He's been read to loads, had lots if input, been to lots of places etc. so I sort of expected with either nature or nurture that he'd wouldn't 'struggle'

I'm horrid aren't I?

Hopefully he will get there. My DD threw them off constantly for a long time but now wears them full time and puts them on herself.as she realises they help.

Tealady..well more reason to be sympathetic.

This has been said already. He is 4. These days there is so much competition going on that if we areot careful we will write our children off before they have had their chance. Give him time and i am sure he is doing great in other things too. He will catch up. 4 is really little.

Not careful

I do have sympathy but not for wollowing get out there and get answers and help and guidance. It took me 4 years to get my son diagnosed with autism it's a hard slog I am more than happy to help and guide throught process is needed no problem but the initial post sounded very selfish and all about how she was feeling n

Tealady your last sentence is totally out of order.

Tealady, if that's you being sympathetic, I'd hate to see you NOT being sympathetic!

Tealady I am SURE you felt awful and even wallowed when you first realised there was a problem.

So you should realise OP doesn't need a kick up the arse.

forgive me if i feckin scream but FFS the kid is 4 not 14 and you have written him off already everyone will reach their own ability as and when they can but get a bloody grip he's 4

Sorry- you posted lots more times.

I agree the Op will find her fighting spirit, but surely she's allowed a little disappointment, she thought he might love and breeze through school like her, and now he's struggling massively.

I think it is disappointing and I also like Pancakes post about your children not being you. You may have realised this much sooner than other people, but it's a learning curve, the Op is on it!

I happen to have personal experience of witnessing four-year-olds with freshly recognised long-sightedness. Managing to see and press big, brightly coloured buttons on an iPad touchscreen is nothing like trying to write or read.

Right now, in front of me, I have a prescription for the latest pair of glasses at +3.25 for each lens. So, his sight is precisely half as bad as your son's. And do you know, his ability to write, do up zips and pick things up off the floor miraculously improved with his first pair of glasses! I thought he was simply a little clumsy.

+7.5 is huge. For comparison purposes, my other son is having slightly stronger glasses than last time, and so is going up to +1.5 and +1.75 lenses.

We knew ds was different from around 7 months it was never a shock or a problem and I put all my energies into getting him help and support, I have nothing to feel sorry for myself for I have a happy health beautiful son that I am immensely proud of.

No, you're not horrid. Every parent has expectations for their child. If you feel that your son has no SEN, no sight and hearing problems the I do think your expectations are unrealistic.

There are huge variances in development at that age in a group of children. Just think back to six months ago and how your son has developed and matured from then to now.

Focus on encouraging him to do the things he's good at and keep building his confidence. If indeed there is a problem in the future, his confidence at being good at something/other things (anything) will stand him in good stead to tackle a challenge. If you really want to, you could check online how to do fun activities with him to encourage his writing skills. Never push him to do it and when he's had enough put it away.

Please try to see that you really should not be disappointed. I can almost guarantee you that every parent that has had a four year old will agree it is just too soon to evaluate a child's potential.

Well have a medal tealady. The journey is harder for some.

He is 4 and he cant see.

Do you wear glasses? If you dont then you will have no idea what he is going through. It will affect everything he does, he will have headaches, concentrating for even a short time will be really difficult. At +7 that is a massive disability. No wonder he cant write, poor kid.
At primary school for two years i really struggled (was in the lower half) until it was identified i needed glasses. I left the school at the top, purely because i could now interact with the rest of the class!

And, if he does get the glasses and still struggle, it doesnt nessesarily matter. My cousin was rubbish at school, caused trouble, couldn't wait to leave. He went and did and apprentiship, got a trade and now runs his own business, employs several people and earns more than his two brothers who both have RG university degrees and are professionals.

Academic intelligence is not the be all and end all.

I think the problems with his eye sight will have made a massive difference. My DD has very similar eyesight to your DS, and I really don't think she would cope at school without her glasses. I was lucky that I picked it up early, before she went to school, but that was only by chance.

I would stop worrying for now, and see how things go once he has his glasses. Even if he does not turn out to be academic, he will have his strengths, so it is not the be all and end all. Is he settled and happy at school? If so, that that is the most important thing.

My apologies, for some reason there was only one page when I replied and now I see there are five! It seems I missed the part about DS's eyesight.

No neither of us wear glasses.
The optician said that he's likely been over focusing which has masked the problem. She said that children are able to do that when they're very young. It's difficult to know how much it's affected him because it's always been like that. I feel bad that we didn't pick up on it earlier.

I would guess at the very least it's affected how long he can concentrate for. Presumably he can only hold the focus for short periods. Poor little thing.

Do you have a SEN child fanjo? The journey is as hard as you make it for yourself and accepting there is a issue for the CHILD is first on the list it is them that has to live with it and cope with t everyday x

The journey is as hard as you make it for yourself

what does that mean?

moonface thinking about your posts, am I right in thinking you don't need glasses yourself? Not an attack, just a thought.

I am very short-sighted (as is every glasses wearer in the family, so I looked out for short-sightedness in the children ), and I know how much of a difference glasses make, at first hand. So, when the optician told me they needed glasses, everything immediately made sense in retrospect, as a manifestation of being unable to see close-up. As opposed to slowly developing co-ordination, which is what I had thought it was. (And I kicked myself for it.)

But my experience as a glasses-wearer meant that I took it completely for granted that their writing and ability to do up zips was going to improve very shortly, as a result of being able to see. As it did.

Moonface I am an optom the glasses will make a huge difference to ds has he been referred to local eye hospital to have further checks?

Tealady. Yes she has severe autism complex learning difficulties and motor issues.

The journey has been hard but not because I made it so.