To be sad about this?

[Moonfacesmother]

I've read a lot of times that intelligence is largely inherent.

Dh and I are average / slightly above average intelligence I would say. We were both in the top groups at school, went to university, have professions etc.

So I was sad on parent's evening to hear that ds (4 and in reception) is struggling. He's at the bottom of his class and it is not a high achieving class. I don't think he has a specific SEN, he just isn't very academic. I know it isn't the end of the world and there are other sorts of intelligence but life is certainly easier if everything isn't a struggle. And it's disheartening for a child to always find everything at school difficult.

I guess I expected ds to at least be about average. He's been read to loads, had lots if input, been to lots of places etc. so I sort of expected with either nature or nurture that he'd wouldn't 'struggle'

I'm horrid aren't I?

My son is in the top sets for everything. He is way ahead the average. His sister is of average intelligence, me and his father below average.
My daughter gets so upset her brother who is two years younger than her is so much better academically however he cant draw for toffee and his handwriting is terrible. I am trying to explain to her we all have different strengths and weaknesses, some are artistic and creative like her, some are academic like her brother. Im at uni and really struggling whereas someone people just 'get' it. People need to really know being academic is NOT the be all and end all of life and please for the love of god dont let it be an issue at 4 ffs

It's been said lots of times but HE IS 4!!!!!!!
Keep going with your input and this will have changed by the time he is 8.
My 4yo was completely bottom of his reception class. He's 8 now and the teacher had him up at the board doing complicated sums to show the whole class how it's done. Don't panic!

Sorry I don't think you come across very nice in your post.. He is too young to determine his future development & you sound embarrassed because he is not in 'top set'.. He may or may not be a high academic achiever in later life but that doesn't mean he won't be fulfilled or successful... He's here & he's healthy count your blessings!!!

I'm long-sighted (a lot less than your son) and concentrating on any close up work just gives me a headache & makes me feel slightly nauseous. At +7.5 reading and writing must be exhausting! DD1 is +2.5 in both eyes and showed no interest in writing or reading until she got her glasses and now it is all she does.

Seriously you cannot underestimate how difficult things must be for him with that level of long-sight. You are bound to see a huge change in him when he gets his glasses.

My youngest started off in the bottom group for everything. He just didn't seem suited for school, and had a clutch of referrals for speech therapy, occupational therapy etc because he just couldn't do the stuff the others could do.

To be honest we were pretty relaxed about it. I was v. V academic but my brother wasn't and as adults it seems fairly insignificant. We are both married, working, financially secure with lovely kids.

A year later though, DS2 a different child (school-wise, anyway). School suddenly fell into place for him and he is in the top groups for everything. Who knows if he will stay there.

I think that your kids growing up is one long process of realising and accepting that they aren't you. Sometimes that's a little bit sad because you want them to have all the best bits of your life and some of those things might not work out. But then they surprise you by finding happiness and success in things you know nothing about or were no good at. My cultural tastes used to be very serious and high brow. But my eldest loves a cheesy west end musical and now so do I! I'm a bit sad that he doesn't want to come to the opera but I'm mainly enjoying our trips to Wicked!

Hang on in there, it will all work out.

Oh OP as everyone else says, he is 4. And cannot see.

Please stop wallowing in misery, it is not helping you or him.

FWIW, my DS is also nearly 4 and he is consistently developmentally behind all of his peers by about 6 months. Everything - walking, talking, potty training (not a chance in hell) , etc. But he catches up. I get worried with every bleeding milestone but keep telling myself he will catch up. He does. He went from saying not a single word at 2 - not even 'mummy' to being a chatterbox 6 months later. There is simply no way he could currently even write the first letter of his name, much less his actual name ffs. But he will get there. And that is for a kid with no apparent issues like not being able to see. And FWIW, I have 3 university degrees, his father has 2. We are both professionals.

Please give yourselves a break. Have fun with him and enjoy him. He will be fine!!

Another 'he's four'!!
I think the school and yourself are putting too much pressure on him!
As a parent of a thirteen year old dyslexic, dyspraxic and autistic child who struggles with school/ life in general your post has infuriated me. So again ... He's four!!!

Ps I also agree with everyone who says 4 is far too young to draw any conclusions on how academic he is.

I just can't get over how difficult it must be for him with +7.5!

pancakes your last paragraph is so true.

Also, you will find something he does that surprises you. DS very casually counted to 60 this morning. But he can barely hold a pencil.

Children are all different and your son is very young. It sounds like it would be impossible for him to learn to read and write easily if he is so longsighted. Have you told the teacher about his need for glasses?

Are his classmates mostly autumn born? This comparison can make a difference IMO when they are so young.

Perhaps the other children had a bit more introduction to writing at nursery/preschool? My first ds's preschool they were teaching them to read at 3.5 yrs. my 2nd ds's preschool is much more about learning through play.

If he's bottom of the class did the teacher say how they intended to help him catch up?

There's so much more I want to say but struggling to find the words. He's just a baby, bless him, relax.

They are putting an action plan in place for him. I have word lists etc for him but he's not interested. Possibly because he can't see? I have told the teacher about the vision problem - we only discovered this last week.

It's also personal stuff like getting dressed that he can't do. We practice at home and he gets really frustrated. He can't seem to see how to do it at all. Socks and shoes, ok, trousers ok but t shirts and jumper hopeless. He can't do buttons or do up zips etc.

She said he has no problem solving skills, whatever that means.
It just all felt really negative. And then this last week loads of my friends have been going on about parent's evening on fb and how their child is a "genius" or "working a year ahead" and I know it shouldn't matter but it just made me feel a bit bleugh. Mine can't even get his jumper over his head.

DH really struggled with the basics in the early years at school. So much so that he had 1-2-1 support from a sen teacher for 2 hours each day. He's now a professor of industrial chemistry.

Nearthewindymill pointed out earlier that he is virtually partially sighted. I don't think she was joking when she said not wearing specs affects her hearing. I can identify with that.

This will have impacted him to such an extent that it will have even shaped his personality to some extent as it will have influenced the way he is able to perceive and take part in the world. Please don't underestimate the handicap he has been struggling under.

He is only four and will make enormous strides from now on.

Just read your last post op. I think you need to get a report from your optician explaining the effects his poor eyesight will have had on him somewhat the school realises how significant this is. Problem solving is jolly hard when you see things differently to everyone else.

Also, if his sight is this poor, are you going to a really really good optician with sufficient training in paediatrics to understand him and support you in understanding? I suggest you ask your GP for a very good one with paediatric training or ask for an appointment at your nearest eye hospital or hospital with a specialist in this area. It changed my life when my parents did this many years ago.

I don't think you get a clear idea of how bright they are going to be in the future until about year 2. Neither of mine showed much promise in reception but are in top sets now (in years 2 and 5).

I have one who had undiagnosed eye problems at a similar age. (I had her eyes tested regularly but the problem needed a more specialised practitioner to spot it) Her nursery teacher complained about not being able to dress herself and manage buttons properly. She couldn't read well until she was well past 8. She is 12 and at a highly selective school.

My eyesight was the same as your DS before I had lens implants and I can assure you everything is a blur and I have no doubt this would impact on shape, number, word and even picture recognition. It is a very severe visual disability and he probably has above average intelligence to have got by so long in a world where nothing is clear. You will see a huge leap once he has glasses.

My girls started school at 5. DD2 was identified 2 years later as being dyslexic. In the first two years she could not read word lists, lots of letter and numbers written backwards or incorrectly. Reading a book was the hardest work ever. Homework was very tough going, her frustration level was very high. And it knocked her confidence hugely.

Once diagnosed (initially spotted by a teacher, and informally diagnosed in school by testing by Education support team), the school provided learning support, and what a difference it has made.

Meanwhile, in the two years prior when she was struggling, we got her involved in a hobby that she loves, and helps with her confidence.

I have also seen a further improvement since she started learning music, there are many papers out there on the impact of learning music on developing brains.

And with both children, I see improvements each year, things seem to become clearer/easier as the mature more. Sometimes time is needed for something to 'click'.

So please don't worry too much yet.

Four is very early days.

But I encourage to look for outside hobbies that he might enjoy. And have a think about whether music is something he might like.

My ds was not doing as well as I expected when he was 4...he is now 6 and the leap in his learning has been amazing...his teachers have commented and I have noticed a massive improvement in his reading/writing/maths/general interest.

4 is so young! They are only just out of the toddler stage! He probably isn't particularly interested yet in learning nor understands it. My ds is now really enjoying reading now he has realised he can read a book on his own. It is like the link has been made between the actual learning and the benefits it brings.

Give him time!

His writing sounds perfectly normal for a four year old boy. When he can see he may take off.

Is his class full of older girls? Is his teacher relatively new to the profession?

Ds did not read or write at all for the first half of Reception. He only learned to blend/segment words in February of Reception at age four he is quite happily reading level four/five books now and writing three or four sentences a year later.

Your poor DS has spatial awareness problems because he has never learned to achieve this skill because of the blurred world he lives in. Before my OP I would have struggled with buttons if I hadn't learned to do them with glasses on. When he gets his specs look through them for 5 minutes and you will see the difficulties he has coped with probably since birth. Bless him he has learned to problem solve from an early age because of this severe visual problem.

OP, listen to your self! You have a lovely 4 year old, and all you seem to be worried about is that he might not be academic and that you can't boast about him on face book. I hope you are not like that in rl.....

He is ONLY 4 ffs!!! He can hardly see yet you expect neat handwriting and reading. Lots of kids have trouble getting dressed, and if he can't even see which way round his jumper is, how do you expect him to get it right?

You can't tell at 4 how he will turn out, he may race ahead and be a rocket scientist, or enjoy woodwork and end up building houses, or cooking and be a chef, or cars and be a mechanic, or children and be a nursery nurse or or or you just don't know.

Just love him for what he is, your son and therefore the best little boy in the whole wide world!