To be sad about this?

[Moonfacesmother]

I've read a lot of times that intelligence is largely inherent.

Dh and I are average / slightly above average intelligence I would say. We were both in the top groups at school, went to university, have professions etc.

So I was sad on parent's evening to hear that ds (4 and in reception) is struggling. He's at the bottom of his class and it is not a high achieving class. I don't think he has a specific SEN, he just isn't very academic. I know it isn't the end of the world and there are other sorts of intelligence but life is certainly easier if everything isn't a struggle. And it's disheartening for a child to always find everything at school difficult.

I guess I expected ds to at least be about average. He's been read to loads, had lots if input, been to lots of places etc. so I sort of expected with either nature or nurture that he'd wouldn't 'struggle'

I'm horrid aren't I?

He can't see! The poor little mite. Of course his writing and reading is terrible [ hmm]
For goodness sake, this is one teacher saying one thing, you are acting like it's his whole life written off. And also ignoring the fact that he can't bloody see in front of his face. Relax! Jesus.

Your worried about his writing,seriously HE IS 4 GET A GRIP!

Way too early to expect neat writing or indeed any writing at all. He's four. Let him play. Enjoying school and not realising you're learning stuff is the best thing right now. It shouldn't be about where you are in the class academically. He could be a great dancer, chef, hairdresser, who knows what?? Who cares at this stage? As long as he's happy in himself. Sounds like the school might not be great. There shouldn't be any sense of writing anyone off, however they're doing.

He's a boy and one of the younger ones and he can't see. If he wasn't behind, I would be extremely surprised. Don't worry yet.

It's not just his writing but she said that was where he struggled most.
He is behind across the board.

Of course his writing is bad. He hasn't been able to see. I am very very short sighted. Without my specs I can't even seem to hear properly and there's nothing wrong with my ears. Your son isn't dim, he's been virtually partially sighted. Of course he's behind. Come back in six months and tell us how he's getting on.

At this stage in reception ds was 5 and struggling with ORT 1 and wrote only his name. By yr 2 he got SAT levels 2 A's and 3's accross the board. It means absolutely nothing at 4.

If I am honest I don't think that education should be so formal for the vast majority at 4 because this is exactly what happens and I think it is madness.

He can't see (and he's four and left-handed, but those pale into insignificance behind the fact that he can't see). If he weren't significantly behind he'd be some kind of child prodigy, and possibly psychic into the bargain.

Moon - don't be sad about it, push it aside because every child progresses so differently. When I speak to other mums, some say that their DS progressed so slowly too but caught up in the end. I really think you need to look at the bigger picture - I have friends who were "slow" at school but are now earning mega bucks in various professions. I have other friends who were always top in everything who aren't in top careers, in fact far from it. I really think times are changing, everybody will have a degree and employers will start/have started looking at other criteria.

My DS was like this. Really "behind" - certainly in my eyes as his older sister was G&T and a free reader by the first term of Y1.. (not a stealth boast honest but just to show my comparison point). DS could barely read. Great at colouring. But just not getting it.

We moved and changed schools and the new school said he was a bit behind in his phonics (they had changed to a different reading system at this old school). I got the Jolly Phonics DC and some wall charts. Did it help - no idea but his teacher said it may.
Still, come year one he went in the the Early Literacy Support (ELS) group...for those who were in essence,"behind".

Around Christmas this year (so when DS was 5.5yo) he seems to have just "got it". The ELS has helped amazingly, and the TA who has supported him has been amazing. I think he did have some issues with a bit of glue ear (never bad enough at the time we were at the Drs to do anything about) which may/probably hindered some of his development.

DS is still "behind" so to speak - but the speed with which he is "catching up" is phenomenal. He is bright. He is funny. He is happy. He is (thus far) not te dedicated student his sister is. But he is wonderful.

Please do not write off your son's intelligence this early. Please. Some children really just do not "get it" until they are older. When they do they fly. Some get it gradually and earlier.

And maybe worth, rather than feeling sad about it, asking his teacher what you could do to support him.

Life is dire if you hate school, whether you're bright or not. I think you're nuts to be worrying about his writing when he's 4 and can't see. But right to want to help him to be happy at school. For different kids this takes different things. For some it's being well liked, some need to be top of the class, others will latch on to art. Get onto his teachers to make sure they're still teaching him, with the attitude he could be a Nobel bloody laureate in fifty years. Nothing is more brutal than teachers' not-so-private opinions of kids. He'll know.

He's 4!!!!!!!!!!! Ffs

I doubt very much the school have written him off as a failure but they can see where he is now and what help he needs.

Oh and if he cannot see....kind of what do you expect? Actually really - this has made me feel so very sorry for the poor boy. He cannot see and his mother is bewailing his inability to read FFS!

Rather than feeling sad you should be jumping from the rooftops with joy because he will have a major issue "solved".

And yy to pp who said formal education at 4 is nuts.

my DD was not seeing the page properly at that age and was considered "slow" and "behind" in reading/writing/pretty much everything.... she got her glasses, it opened up the world for her and she took off... she is now Y8 and her expected grades are wonderful - A* maths, sciences etc.....

the teachers in reception really DO NOT write off the little ones in their charge... they try to give parents a clear picture of their child's talents and problem areas (in that moment - does not necessarily hold true for the future ) - giving parents the information they need to work out if they need to do anything to help, or if there is an underlying problem that really needs attention....

Like the others are saying, he is only 4.

I could read at 3, and did everything I could to encourage Ds1 towards being able to - but couldn't do it, he wasn't interested and I knew enough to not push him too hard, as it could put him off.
He went to pre-school at 4 and learnt to write his name, but not much else and I was a little fretful but made sure he did not know about it.

He started school last year at 5 (not in the UK) and got off to a slow start - but I'll tell you what, now he's 6, he's come on in leaps and bounds. His writing is so much better, his reading is at level 25+ (I have no idea what that equates to in UK terms, so not very helpful, but his classmates are reading between levels 12 and where he is, if not higher).

I also think that if he's that long-sighted, you're lucky he can find the paper to write on, let alone be able to see what he's writing!! So just wait until he has his glasses and has settled into wearing them and adjusting to being able to see close up, and then if there are still problems, then maybe consider worrying about him. But really, he's still 4 - he could come on in leaps and bounds as he gets older. :)

Also you've gotta let go of the 'intelligence is largely inherent' thing. It's like those Agatha Christie's where the plot hinges on someone's criminal tendencies being inherent. Really dodgy. Course you can still be sad if the school isn't supportive and your DS struggles - even Wordsworth was gutted that one of his sons wasn't bright the way he was expected to be. But he had to learn and so do we all. There are many, many different kinds of intelligence. The ones that our society chooses to prize are not necessarily the greatest and not necessarily inherent at all.

You know he can't see close up, don't you?

What do you expect his writing to look like?

And whilst there may be 4 year olds with neat writing and able to construct sentences, it is not the norm.

And those that can do it....they are not necessarily the DCs that will top every class every year for the rest of their lives.

I know that...my ds1 was one of the bright 4 year olds with nice writing. Guess what? Everyone else not only caught up with him but "overtook" him.

My dd wrote 50% of her letters backwards at age 5.
She is top of her year 11 class pretty much across the board.

Please don't be so harsh. School is difficult for 4 year olds anyway, but his vision is making it even worse.

And so what if he is the most academic child in the class?

My ds2 is middle of the class, has been since yr 1 and he is now year 5
He is also amazing, funny, confident, creative, loves football and swimming, a hard worker, a good friend.

As the others have said' He's four!

If their expecting his writing to be good now then they are being unrealistic and it isn't a sign of intelligence! It's probably a combination of his poor eyesight and not having mastered fine motor control yet.

Is he one of the youngest? He doesn't even have to be at school yet.

Give the kid a break! Just keep doing what you're doing. Read to him/with him. Take him out and about. Play and talk to him.
He'll get there (wherever he wants 'there' to be) when he's ready and able.

I know the sight thing won't have helped.
He must be able to see some things close though because he uses the iPad! The optician said young children can over focus for short periods and this means that they can self correct the vision.
I'm hoping the glasses mean he can focus for longer though.

I think it is understandable to feel anxious but you need to apply perspective here. The child is 4. Where I live children don't start school until they are at least 5. They are not assessed until they have completed one full year of primary.

Try to have faith and to be patient. If you are interested in and supportive of your son's education and wellbeing (clearly you are), he will flourish. Maybe he won't excel academically, maybe he will, but either way you can help him grow into his wonderful self.

Also..not everyone can be top of class..some have to be at middle or bottom..it's not end of worls

I cannot type. I was top of class too.

Hes only 4 :s....

We have friends who are very intelligent and are brilliant at everything ( I could hate the if I didn't like them so much).
Their daughter is bottom of the class for everything and has been since Reception ( now year 4). They focus on non academic achievement for her instead while encouraging her academically as well. She cycles competitively for example.
I Aldo think that 4 is too early to tell how bright a child is, some just have a slower start but catch up later