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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say DH is a prick and ds2 is a brat!

284 replies

Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:26

I'm so so angry I can't even look at them or speak to them!

I'm fed up cooking meals and ds2 not being here to eat them so I put them aside for him to eat when he comes in but they end up in the bin!

He comes home from school today gets changed and is about to go out, I tell him he can go out after his tea, he tells me he's going to town with his GF I tell him he's not he's having his tea first! I go into the kitchen and all I hear is see ya go through and he's gone so I shout out the window to get back in he says he will be back for 6pm I tell him if he goes he's grounded, all along DH is just sitting there saying nothing!!

He comes in at 6.10pm all happy happy so I tell him he's grounded, he said so I'm grounded cause I wasn't here to eat your shite tea! I told him no it's because he went out when I said no,

One thing lead to another and he told me I always cause arguments in the house,I've gave him a shit childhood and it's always DH who has provided for him!!
I was so angry as DH sat and never said a thing just had a smirk on his face!
I got upset that he said I've gave him a shit childhood and his dads provided everything,
I said to DH you better get him to his room before I punch him (I wouldn't) DH said I think you should go to your room you said some hurtful things!!
I had tears in my eyes DH told me I was harsh by saying he couldn't go out and he only said it to get out (wrong way to fucking go)

He's been in his room all night then DH said later on think you were harsh it was trivial, so I've told him he can deal with him from now on I'm not interested anymore!

I always feel I'm fighting a losing battle as DH never ever sticks up for me or backs me up!

OP posts:
hippo123 · 11/03/2014 21:30

Your dh is a prick. How old is your ds?

Forgettable · 11/03/2014 21:31

Whoa there crikey moses

How old is ds

(Yes your husband is a prick)

Icimoi · 11/03/2014 21:31

Sorry, I'm having trouble getting past the issue of when you expect DS to eat a cooked tea. Is this at around 4.30? It seems incredibly early to me. My lot don't get an evening meal till around 7.

However - moving on: am I reading it right that dh told your son off for saying hurtful things? Was that not sticking up for you?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/03/2014 21:34

Stop cooking for him. He's old enough to cook for himself. If he can't be arsed to get home for food, then he forages for himself.

(stop running his showers too! Grin although I remain dead proud of you for knocking all the other stuff on the head!)

fact is, they don't appreciate you, do they? Your husband is a total arse for smirking and for not backing you up.

When you are calmer, you need to have a good chat with him about how wrong it is for one parent to undermine the other.

deakymom · 11/03/2014 21:35

he sat there smirking? YANBU i told my husband stick up for me or im moving out and taking the good kids with me you can have him all to yourself

he sticks up for me

stop making him tea if he is old enough to lip he is old enough to cook and washing and ironing too

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:35

DH is a huge fucking prick!

DS is 15

We eat at 5pm every night always have done, that was the only thing DH said to him in that pathetic little voice!

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 11/03/2014 21:35

YANBU to expect when you say your son can't go out, that he doesn't just leave anyway. How old is he? Are there any other privileges that you can bargain with if dinner isn't working? Maybe he's buying chips or something while he's out! Your DH should be showing a united front, sounds like he backed you up under pressure but didn't volunteer to, making you look like the bad guy.

copafeel · 11/03/2014 21:36

Do you often threaten physical violence to your children

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:37

Isee I've had a million conversations with DH regarding backing me up but no he can't see past the little brat!

I'm actually considering not cooking or doing his washing and see if I fuck up his teenage years too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:39

Not at all copafeel but he's really really pissed me off with his comments, I've gave him a shit childhood the little shit doesn't know how good he's got it!

OP posts:
Forgettable · 11/03/2014 21:41

Steady on old girl

Teens are tricky and often have unlikeable moments

Can you reset your expectations a tad?

harriet247 · 11/03/2014 21:41

Dont cook for him anymore, his manners were apalling but i do think you have to pick your battles with that one. Your dh should have taken your side and given ds a dressing down. It is horrible to try so hard and then have it thrown back at you :( have a nice glass of wine and tune out the feckers.

Famzilla · 11/03/2014 21:41

You can't force a 15 year old to stay in and eat his dinner. Ffs he's not 5! Was it just the control you were after? And as for threatening to punch him?? Jesus Christ, you sound like my mum. A spiteful controlling martyr full of rage.

The only thing your DH did wrong was not stop you from laying into your kid.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 11/03/2014 21:42

I really do think that would be a good idea. If he's there, he eats, if he isn't, he doesn't. And yes, he can certainly do his own washing!

It's not that he sounds like the anti christ or anything, just a bog standard, boundary pushing 15 year old who needs a bit of pulling up.

Your husband, otoh, well. I really think he needs a boot up his arse.

LittleBearPad · 11/03/2014 21:42

Stop cooking for him.

Talk to your husband

Don't threaten to hit your son.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 11/03/2014 21:42

There must be more to this, 5 is too early for a family meal surely?

Ds is 15, they do things spontaneously if can piss parents off, that's life as I see it.

Your dh is twattish in the way he speaks to you, that's a factl

WorraLiberty · 11/03/2014 21:44

Aren't you the one who runs their showers for them in the mornings, puts towels out and actually puts toothpaste on their toothbrushes for them?

If so, I really don't fancy your chances of leaving everything to your DH

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/03/2014 21:44

Don't cook for him and your DH. They don't appreciate what you do so don't do it for them. Maybe you've moved from your assigned role as house skivvy and they are trying to put you back in your place. Fuck 'em - don't run around after them - look after yourself.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 11/03/2014 21:45

You are typing with rage snd hatred!

What else has happened with your boy and your husband?

NurseyWursey · 11/03/2014 21:45

Stop cooking for him! He's perfectly capable of getting food for himself when he actually feels like eating.

I was lucky my mum never forced me to have dinner, but my friend's mum did and it was infuriating for her.

Viviennemary · 11/03/2014 21:47

Make the evening meal at a certain time. If your DS is not there to eat in then tough. He opens a tin or has a sandwich. It doesn't seem to unreasonable for a boy to want to go out after school and get back just after 6.

Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:47

We've always ate at 5 for the last 20 odd years,

The tea part pissed me off as I let him out and I keep his tea and 9/10 times it ends up in the bin,
It's more the fact he went out when I told him he wasn't too!

I've never hit him in his life but tonight I felt like it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Skivvywoman · 11/03/2014 21:49

Worra your right house would be upside down inside out and kids running riot!

OP posts:
NurseyWursey · 11/03/2014 21:49

We've always ate at 5 for the last 20 odd years

Well now you've got a 15 year old who wants to go out and might not be hungry yet. Just because you've done it for 20 years doesn't mean it has to go on forever.

You're making a rod for your own back. Just stop making it.

LEMmingaround · 11/03/2014 21:50

you have to make your teenagers life hell - its the law! well, thats how they see it anyway. I mean, how dare you make them dinner every night even though they turn their nose up at and take it for granted. I mean, heaven forbid you don't do it one day - that will be the day they are STARVING!!!!! Oh and don't expect them to wear sensible clothes and please don't embarras them by making them wear their coats if its above zero degrees.

Your DS should have eaten the food you made for him, or said something like - "oh thanks for dinner, would you mind if i re-heat it later as i am off out with my GF" because obviously if he doesn't get to see his GF right there and then she will loose interest and go fawning after big barry from class 10. How could dinner even register with such stakes!

I think you have become frustrated because at 15 he is able to push bounderies and really, if he chooses to tell you to fuck the fuck off he isn't eating the dinner, what are you going to do? ground him? well, if he doesn't want grounded he will find a way round that.

Its a horrible horrible age but they do come out of it as decent people the other side.

Moving on from this i think there needs to be a conversation about the way he spoke to you and that is absolutely not acceptable. If he will stay grounded then ground him until the weekend - no one will die (although the GF may well go off with big barry from class 10). Then maybe introduce a bit of flexibility on both sides re the food - so he is to communicate to you at some point during the day if he will be eating at home or not. 5pm is quite early to eat if you are out and about so i can see how this might be awkward - but if that is when you eat, that is when you eat - he will have to have it from the microwave. Not every night, eating together is important, but not if its going to cause an unecessary battle.

PS: Your DH is a twunt

PPS: copafeel - you don't have teenagers do you?