AIBU to say DH is a prick and ds2 is a brat!

[Skivvywoman]

I'm so so angry I can't even look at them or speak to them!

I'm fed up cooking meals and ds2 not being here to eat them so I put them aside for him to eat when he comes in but they end up in the bin!

He comes home from school today gets changed and is about to go out, I tell him he can go out after his tea, he tells me he's going to town with his GF I tell him he's not he's having his tea first! I go into the kitchen and all I hear is see ya go through and he's gone so I shout out the window to get back in he says he will be back for 6pm I tell him if he goes he's grounded, all along DH is just sitting there saying nothing!!

He comes in at 6.10pm all happy happy so I tell him he's grounded, he said so I'm grounded cause I wasn't here to eat your shite tea! I told him no it's because he went out when I said no,

One thing lead to another and he told me I always cause arguments in the house,I've gave him a shit childhood and it's always DH who has provided for him!!
I was so angry as DH sat and never said a thing just had a smirk on his face!
I got upset that he said I've gave him a shit childhood and his dads provided everything,
I said to DH you better get him to his room before I punch him (I wouldn't) DH said I think you should go to your room you said some hurtful things!!
I had tears in my eyes DH told me I was harsh by saying he couldn't go out and he only said it to get out (wrong way to fucking go)

He's been in his room all night then DH said later on think you were harsh it was trivial, so I've told him he can deal with him from now on I'm not interested anymore!

I always feel I'm fighting a losing battle as DH never ever sticks up for me or backs me up!

Youstay DS pushes the boundaries all the time and I'm always the bad one, DH is the greatest in their eyes cause he lets them away with murder!

Why is the husband 'a prick?' (First few posters.)

He's 15, this is just the start.

'Let him out', you say?

He's doing his own thing and you are pissed off.

Stop being so controlling, it's you who will lose this battle.

(I do have teenagers.)

Lem I've let him reheat but it always near enough goes in bin and he will eat pot noodles super noodles or pizza!

oh and please please please stop doing things like putting their toothpaste on the brushes for them and running their showers (i assume you don't do this for your DH, that would be ridiculous wouldnt it) they are not gong to learn ANY life skills that way.

What about asking him what his plans are, and letting him know that you'll be cooking tea at a certain time and if he isn't home at that time he'll have to cook for himself.

I agree with the others, 5pm is early for teenagers (and adults) to have an evening meal.

If my 15y DD swanned off when she'd been told not to, she would be grounded for the next week.

But that's the beauty of living here. There is no where to go and no mummy taxi, no social life

As for DH he'd be lucky not to be sleeping in the garden shed for that level of support.

This is easy - don't have pot noodles and super noodles in the house, they have zero nutritional value, if he wants pot noodles he can buy it himeself.

I think the OP is getting a bit of a pasting here :( parenting a teenager is fucking hard work

Your son should have stayed in if you told him to, and gone out after he had eaten. 15 is perfectly old enough to understand that, although they are argumentative, back-chatty and often know-it-all at that age. You need some sanction there, like loss of privileges, pocket money docked etc.

The "shit childhood" comment was almost certainly just calculated to get a reaction from you, so I wouldn't grace it with one. Ignore and don't engage with that one.

Your husband sounds as if he was as wet as a long drink of water, actually. He didn't make any effort to support you and tackle your son's rudeness, and was almost childish himself.

Perhaps the timing of dinner in your house is causing some of the issue. In our house 5.00 pm simply wouldn't work because hardly anyone would be ready by then. Hubby frequently doesn't even get in until after 6, so we all eat around 7.

Youstay I can honestly say he gets lots of le way! Im just fed up wasting money on meals that get binned!

And surely everyone threatens to hit cheeky children from 2-16 at least (I haven't got any bigger ones). MN is weird.

It sounds like it's not that he's missing the meal, but that he's chucking the food away when he does come in, so I agree that just not cooking for him would be a solution. It's less work for you, and it shows him that you are making a concession to his wants (ie not expecting him for dinner every night although I think it's fair to ask him to be there once or twice a week) which might make him feel more inclined to meet you half way.

WRT to your husband - has he ever said anything to you about the way you do things? If he thinks you need to relax the rules or change the way you do things then he needs to talk to you about it when you are on your own, not just leave you hanging when you are in the midst of a brewing row with your son. If he agrees with you then he needs to make his voice heard when it's clear you are reaching the end of your tether.

The 5pm tea works for all of us apart from little lord fonteroy!
I get home at 2pm DH and dd 3.30pm and ds1 4.30,

Stop cooking for them. Stop doing anything for them. If you do the food shopping, stop buying pot noodles and other shite for them.

Ok your dh sounds a useless twit..but FFS woman... get a GRIP!!

They aren't going to appreciate your domestic skivvying and 'we always have tea at 5' is THE most ridiculous excuse for causing a row and threatening your son with violence I ever heard...

Take a step back..can you SEE how utterly absurd this is?

Your son is 15. Not 5. If you want the chance of a family meal, set it later.. 6.30/7pm. if you insist on sticking to 5pm then accept he won't be coming in for it and don't bother cooking for him. He can make himself tea, or fill up on cereal and pot noodles like other teens tend to. He's not a small child any more and trying to dictate like that is a quick road to resentment and potentially WAYYYYY bigger problems than not coming in for tea. (To be honest if I threatened any of my four teens with violence I suspect they would have gone to a friends and stayed there..and they would have been right to do so)

Oh and 'not cooking and washing' won't 'fuck up his teenage years'. You are under the misapprehension that he actually gives a toss. He's a teen boy. They generally see that sort of blackmail as both laughable and pathetic and it is unlikely to have an affect. Especially as it is pretty obvious you won't carry it through.

Try having a reasoned discussion and negotiating a new tea time.. or agreeing that X days a week he fends for himself. It will be far more pleasant all round...

No, I don't threaten to hit either of my teenagers.

how old is your ds2?

Dojo I'm always being told to calm down take a chill pill etc, always the bad one!

oops sorry 15

A new tea time wouldn't work!
All kids do evening activities and don't get home till 9pm a couple of times a week and dd is in bed for 8
And by that time cooking is the last thing I want to be doing

But if they don't get home until late then they can make themselves a sandwich. They won't starve.

You do seem a bit tightly wound.

They do that anyway!

I don't get what is unreasonable about expecting her 15yr old to get home and eat a prepared meal before going out. It would have taken 10mins to eat it, then he could go out and enjoy the rest of his evening, OP could get kitchen cleared and have her evening to. To just walk out is rude-he may be 15 but that's still a child and needs boundaries.

My dc are younger but if they spoke to me like that they'd have their rooms stripped of their gadgets. It sounds to me as though you've just reached the end of your tether, time for some clear expectations to be set down (and some clear consequences) then follow through. As for the pot noodles etc, just don't buy them.

As for your husband...he needs a spine.