To ask what is so good about having "one of each"?

[GoshAnneGorilla]

There are many threads on here featuring the annoying comments said to mothers of boys or mothers of girls.

Mixed sex families never seem to receive such comments.

Also, if you're pregnant with DC2, people always assume that you want this child to be a different sex to your first - Why?

And I hate when people say or imply my family is "unbalanced" because I have 3 boys.

I don't understand what that means. Balanced in what way?!

Unbalanced is a funny term though. I use 'balanced' to mean it sits right in my head. I like that I have boy-girl, girl-boy, baby. It feels right. I never felt balanced with one of each. I missed the children I didn't have yet. It felt unfinished. My family now feels complete. That is what I mean when I say balanced.

Also, I see myself more in my sons than I do my girls. They are very alike. Personality wise and in looks we are similar. The girls look like their dad. They are all so different, but with a lovely common thread between them.

I'm very happy to have so many children, but that doesn't mean I think someone with just one should be less happy. I have the family that I hoped for-that makes me extremely lucky.

"And if you can choose to have one of each, why wouldn't you?"
So, one of each really is best, and no-one would choose otherwise?
Well, maybe because it is nice to have two little boys, or girls? Maybe because the one you have us desperate for a sibling of the same sex? Maybe because it is a lot cheaper to pass clothes and toys down, and they can share a room till they leave home if required.. Maybe because you love the lo you've got so much that you just want another one like them, to repeat the experience? Not that you do really, because children don't just come in two flavours, they are all individuals and you don't have the exact same one twice.

I just hate ALL the stupid comments that idiotic people make about family size, composition etc. People should just learn to keep their thoughts to themselves regarding other people's lives unless their input is specifically requested. My pet hate is when people discover I have six children (three of each if you need to know) and say "didn't you have a telly?" Then chuckle at their stupid "joke"
Yes that's right. My wife and I are such idiots that since we didn't have a television, all we could think of to do was produce children. thank god we now have a television and have found something else to do with our lives otherwise we'd be in serious trouble now.

I have one of each. They rarely play together. DS wants to play lightsabers and DD wants to play babies. I sometimes think it would be nice to have two boys or two girls. Maybe two of each is the ideal.....

I like it simply because I can say "you are my favourite son" or "you are my favourite daughter" and there's nobody to get jealous. Mum and Granny had a thing of saying No. 1 Son/Daughter, and it use to bug me. No one else's situation would occur to me to comment on.

Driveway: "I do have one of each. It is great because you can watch how society treats each differently, be a witness to their conditioning. If I'd had two girls or two boys I wouldn't have realised how people in general act in such different ways to a little boy and a little girl. And expect such different things from them."

I agree that this aspect is interesting.

I have a little boy right now and would love a little girl if I were to have any more as I would like both sons and daughters, but that being said I know I would actually be just as happy to have another boy because he'd be my baby and I would adore him.

Fundamentally a healthy baby is all I want and if I were to never have a girl and just boys then that is what I'm happy with, just having a baby is more than enough for me there is too much tragedy to care what sex a baby is.

I do think that people say things just to make conversation, so regardless of the family dynamic they will say it is lovely. What drives me mad is people asking my relative if me having a baby makes her tempted, and she has to do the old "no, I can have all the fun and give him back when he cries" routine when I know her heart was broken when she miscarried and is no longer in a relationship and sees no chance of having her own. I'm sure this must happen to people who've had similar experiences, losses or are dealing with infertility all the time.

Its maybe because Ive had people saying my family isnt "balanced" by having one of each I get so pissed, because the word balance here suggests there is something wrong or lacking with just having the one gender, in my case boys. And that couldn't be further from the truth, I probably shouldn't let it get to me but at times its difficult, these are the type of people who would say openly to your face "that's a shame" when DC3 was a boy!

Usually to answer your question. Although I feel that people are people I have found differences between boy and girls - some of which are due to them being who they Are and some differencesinkex to gender. For eg I have a dd who is very open with me woman stuff and my friend who Lso has a dd who tells her nothing. That linked to personality and the way the family communicates in part as my pal family v private type folk .so that's a difference between girls as of course they are not the same but alongside that you get the womanhood stuff so in that way girl s experiences are different for a mother daughter.
Re mother son. My son he is a male but more emotionally intelligent than dd in some ways . How ever apart from shared interests such as music and travel I have to try to be intrested in sports I'm not intrested in and don't understand to talk to him . Also I find the Freud thing with boys us as mother is first woman they loved when dev sexuality they naturally can need to sep from mother and they don't want hugs !
I have struggled at times with one of each as they have no shared interests and it has been like having two only children as my friend put it ; I think she meant I e needed to take them seperay to places and events and spend time with each whereas sane se x mAy or may not if nothing in common! May play with each other.
Now as they are teens they share musical taste and author intrest in each other! Dd has sometimes struggled to have no one to play with in the house. Ds has historically take. V little intrest in her!

Usually : sorry dont know how to highlight names !

Usually : sorry dont know how to highlight names !

Apologies poor typing + + ! Left specs off!

I have 2 boys and since DS2, it has driven me mad the amount of people who have asked when I am having another, don't I want a girl, blah blah over the last 3 years.

I always wanted 2 children, I didn't care on the sex. I just wanted them to be healthy. I always wanted 2, because growing up I remember practically begging my mother for a sibling until I finally got my sister at aged 10. But with such a big age gap, we ended up with more like a mother daughter relationship than sisters.

So, I wanted 2 and close together based on my experience. I knew I wanted to stop at 2, because I doubted I would cope with more than 2! So 2 was my magic number, and I now feel like my family is complete. Yet, even when explaining this, I still get nagged about having a girl . Like having a girl next is even guaranteed...

I absolutely adore my boys. They are completely and utterly different from each other, with different personalities and I wouldn't change them for the world!

I get fed up of being told because I have one of each why would I want another one, when I say I'd love one more I've had some pretty nasty comments, its as if two children is all your allowed if they are one of each!

Because DD is a girl, she is likely to get pregnant and breastfeed, and I like that one of my children will go through experiences that have been a major event in my life. Obviously she may not have children, but if I had all boys there would definitely be no chance of one of my children getting pregnant.

Another issue is that, depending as well on the gender or cousins and close friends, having a boy and a girl means that they know someone of the same generation very well who is a different gender to themselves, which means they may have less issues about gender (depending on the family of course). I have met people who had no sibling of the opposite sex and they have said they felt nervous/anxious/lacking in confidence about the opposite sex as a consequence.

For me, it also gives me more understanding of what it is like to grow up male and female in a society rather different to when I was growing up, and that gives me a better understanding than I would have otherwise, but also worries me.

I also think it reduces the extent I've got to be the example of female or DH has got to be the example of male because there is another male and female in the house! So it gets away from a notion of males are like my dad and females are like my mum. It gives more examples of relating to people of the opposite sex.

I suppose it is a bit like I'm glad I have a gay sibling. My experience of life and my understanding of gay rights would not be what it is if all my family were straight. Part of that is empathy and intuition though. A more empathetic and intuitive person than me wouldn't need such direct experiences, and maybe you develop more empathy from having less variety in family members? I don't know.

That said, I think people miss out if they're a man who grows up without a brother or a woman who grows up without a sister. So there are pros and cons to any situation.

thank you sugar, that was interesting.

I think people's opinions are shaped by their own experiences.

If I had the choice I'd have two the same sex, purely because I am so close to my own sister and would love to think my own children could have that bond. There is only 12 months between me and my sister so we completely grew up together, had all the same friends, had all the same experiences at the same time etc and she is without doubt my favourite person ion the world (after DH of course) There was absolutely no sibling rivalry, we were best friends and always will be.

I just can't imagine siblings of opposite sex being able to have such a close relationship because to a degree you have separate lives as they don't have the same hobbies/friends/interests in common.

But on the other hand my DH has a brother (3 year age gap) and they hate each other - they are not part of each other's lives at all. Zero contact.

There's just no way of predicting what relationships siblings will have with each other....

I have to say, visiting people with boys and seeing their obsession with train sets, trucks, Bob the Builder, rushing around and making loads of noise, I think I would have found it difficult to bring up boys. There seemed to be a general consensus that in the early years girls are a lot easier. They also tended to find school easier. I suspect that, at least at primary school age, 2 DDs is the easiest combination.

LOL, dinosaurs. With one of each, I would say that at primary age boys are way easier. Which goes to prove precisely nothing, of course .

If you came to my house you would find a three year old who loves trains and diniaaurs and running round and making noise.. She is also a girl.

Out of my four boys, one of them is very sedate and has always hated physical activity. One likes a'll things pink and sparkly. One likes superheroes. They all like minecraft and are all dgoing very well at school.

They are all individuals regardless of gender.

All 5 of my girls are different, needless to say my home is filled with cars, trucks, footballs etc aswell as the usual princess & dolls too.
Infact my eldest wanted to actually be a boy until very recently.
Out of 5, only one of my dds is what people call a "girly girl", whereas dd1, 3 & 4 are happy to climb trees, roll in mud and pick up snails

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is single mums (or dads). I think that for a single mum, especially if there is not much or any contact with a dad, it is easier to have girls. People do say that it is hard on a boy not to have the father role model, and that it can impact on how he develops. Don't shoot me - I'm only going on what I've read.

OP here. The inspiration for this thread was an elderly gentleman seeing me out with my Dd's and insisting I needed to have a boy next, no matter how politely and nicely I said that 2 girls were enough for me.

FWIW I grew up with a brother and two sisters, individual personalities seems to have had a far bigger impact on our relationships with each other then gender or age gap.
It's been very interesting hearing everyone's stories.