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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what is so good about having "one of each"?

179 replies

GoshAnneGorilla · 07/03/2014 22:01

There are many threads on here featuring the annoying comments said to mothers of boys or mothers of girls.

Mixed sex families never seem to receive such comments.

Also, if you're pregnant with DC2, people always assume that you want this child to be a different sex to your first - Why?

OP posts:

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 08/03/2014 11:47

I have always and will always champion personality over sex. It makes no difference in real terms whether you have a boy or a girl with regards to who your children will be. I have a rugby playing, mud-loving, trouser-wearing girl and a pink-adoring, tutu-wearing, sensitive little boy. They are just children. No more, no less.

I always wanted boys, just through idle preference but actually, I am pleased to say that I had a girl because it is different. Not who she is, her personality is unique but it is different in a couple of subtle ways and I appreciate the opportunity to experience that. I was always frightened of a mother/daughter relationship due to my own familial relationships so I think I had that preference for boys. Having dd has given me some closure I suppose. But again, I stress that is all about our individual family circumstances and nothing to do with whether having any mixture of children is better or worse than the alternative.

The other subtle difference is the notion of Same and Other. When dd asks me about biology, about puberty, about her potential reproductive capabilities, I answer her from the pov of experience. Her experiences might be totally different to mine of course but I can answer her questions about female experiences with firsthand knowledge. When ds asks me why his willy feels so tingly, I can give him the patented, acceptable parental explanation but it is an alien notion to me. It's not a massive thing (the notion, not the appendage!) but it's a subtle difference.

I enjoy having one of each. No doubt I'd enjoy having two the same just as much.

Crowler · 08/03/2014 11:50

I have two boys and I feel a bit sad that I don't have a girl. I would imagine if I had two girls I'd feel a bit sad that I didn't have a boy.

Rosa · 08/03/2014 11:52

I have 2 Dds am happy with what I have got. I can't change it and I couldn't plan it , now that I have them I wouldn't change it either.

Crowler · 08/03/2014 12:15

Must say i don't get all this mothers of boys 'desperate' to have a girl to do 'girly days' with!

Yes I agree with this. I feel this little void for not having a daughter and it's not because of girly days. Ultimately, my boys' life experiences will have a slightly different tenor than mine.

elliejjtiny · 08/03/2014 13:53

I think I have the perfect family. I have 4 boys and pregnant with my 5th. I also have 2 nieces so I can do the girly princess thing and be "cool auntie ellie" and hand them back when the mood swings start .

MyBodyIsAtemplate · 08/03/2014 14:04

I had 2 boys close together, then 9 years later had 2 girls close together.

my boys are very different characters to each other and my girls are too.

however my lads were stereotypical lads and the girls are stereotypical girls, they just are so for me my lads and my girls are very very different.

my lads love all sport and computer games so to communicate with them I had to get interested in football etc.

my girls love fashion, makeup,'girl sports' and are artistic. like me.

unless you parents boys and girls it's difficult to understand really.

but op you are right, people's comments can be daft and rude.

womblesofwestminster · 08/03/2014 14:23

I've got one of each. I love them both equally as passionate but the love is different. Mother-daughter and mother-son bonds are different. I wish I could articulate it better.

SillyTilly123 · 08/03/2014 15:04

All my family go girl-boy, on both my mam and dads side, so I was expecting a dd 1st. When I was pg with dc2 I was expecting a boy and didnt believe dp when it was a dd! We then had another dc which turned out to be another dd! I'm a little sad I didnt get to experience having a son but I'm glad I had 3 dds and hope they have a lovely relationship when they are older. Im currently tryingf to convince dp to have another and can really envisage a little boy for my dds to worship, but another girl would be lovely too.

OpalQuartz · 08/03/2014 15:30

When you read people's summing up of girls as girly princesses with mood swings it really hits home what a sexist society we still live in!

Ledkr · 08/03/2014 15:36

Before I had my girls and just had the three boys, people's comments or smugness at having one of each somehow made me feel inadequate or a bit of a failure at not creating the perfect family.
I was almost annoyed when I had my girls

JennySense · 08/03/2014 15:41

I have one of each - a tomboy and a girly-girl ;)

RVPisnomore · 08/03/2014 15:42

Because people have a preconceived idea of what makes the 'perfect' family. I have 1 DS and that's my perfect, so whether it's one of each or 5 DS or DD's I would keep my thoughts to myself and I wish others would.

QuickLookOverThere · 08/03/2014 15:46

I have one of each, an elderly lady recently congratulated me on having a Gentleman's family and conspiratorially whispered that I've no need to have anymore now...

It's never bothered me whether I had boys or girls, just glad to have them

ZingSweetMango · 08/03/2014 16:15

when DD's a newborn DH & I took her and DS5 to the GP's

some stranger said "ah, a boy and a girl - the perfect family"

I replied "actually our family is perfect, but we have 4 olderer boys who are at school, you know"

her face - priceless

Driveway · 08/03/2014 16:17

It's nice to have one of each because your DD can be a beautiful ballerina actress model princess and your DS can be a strong brave army hero footballer.

ZingSweetMango · 08/03/2014 16:19

and as I'm being pg with #7 I already had 2 people telling me how they want this baby to be a girl so DD can have a sister

I got really pissed off.
"what if it's a boy and she'll have 6 brothers? then what? is she going to be unhappy with no sisters?"

" oh, I didn't mean that, just saying I hope for her sake"

"well hope what you like but keep it to yourself as I don't want to hear it"

plentyofsoap · 08/03/2014 16:22

I have one of each and have mainly been congratulated on this by people.
I find it so strange. Both of mine were prem, dd nearly came at 26 weeks so I was happy for two healthy children.

usuallyright · 08/03/2014 16:26

Those of you with one of each, and say its a different experience having a son or daughter, can you explain what you mean please. What's the difference between the mother-son, mother-daughter relationship?

curiousgeorgie · 08/03/2014 16:27

People are annoyingly like this. When I was pregnant with my second child everyone assumed we wanted a boy because of our DD.

Actually, I was desperate for a 2nd girl. I had originally only planned on one child and had pink everything! To be able to reuse everything was a massive financial plus

I got a second girl and she couldn't be more opposite from DD1!

VestaCurry · 08/03/2014 16:27

2 boys here, 2 years apart, enjoy the same things, are extremely close, now of an age where they can go out to the park together, kick a football about etc. V happy household.

If we'd had 1 of each, or 2 girls, no doubt we'd have been just as happy.

Mintyy · 08/03/2014 16:29

You can never say anything right about this. People are ridiculously over-sensitive about the gender of their children for some reason. If I say I love having a girl and a boy someone will say "oh but wouldn't you love having two boys or two girls?". Well of course I would! Isn't it obvious?

Driveway · 08/03/2014 16:35

I do have one of each.
It is great because you can watch how society treats each differently, be a witness to their conditioning. If I'd had two girls or two boys I wouldn't have realised how people in general act in such different ways to a little boy and a little girl. And expect such different things from them.
So as a scientist mother and a feminist mother, it's interesting. An education for me.

5madthings · 08/03/2014 16:35

People are just trying to make conversation I think, but they don't think!
You just have to ignore, I have four boys and a girl and get endless comments on how good it is we finally have a girl.

All five of my children are unique regardless of their gender.

gilliangoof · 08/03/2014 16:41

People say 'how nice, one of each' or 'lovely, two little boys' because saying nothing at all and just standing there is rude. People could not give a monkeys about what sex other people's children are but it is nice to be polite. I don't understand why so many threads are started about this type of thing. You should be having children because you want children, not to collect admiration or to harbour grudges over perceived slights.

NNDS · 08/03/2014 16:43

Having one of each is perfect! (if that is what you have)

Having two of each is perfect! (if that is what you have)

Having two boys and one girl is perfect! (if that is what you have)

Whatever number or gender children you have it doesn't really matter. People say these things for the sake of it. Most of the time they don't even believe what comes out of their mouths.

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