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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is so good about having "one of each"?

179 replies

GoshAnneGorilla · 07/03/2014 22:01

There are many threads on here featuring the annoying comments said to mothers of boys or mothers of girls.

Mixed sex families never seem to receive such comments.

Also, if you're pregnant with DC2, people always assume that you want this child to be a different sex to your first - Why?

OP posts:
babyheaves · 07/03/2014 22:31

Because I get the best of both worlds. I love having one of each. Never having to wonder what it would be like to have a girl / boy as I have both.

squoosh · 07/03/2014 22:32

Some Type A characters like to tick the boxes. Girl? Check. Boy? Check.

Genitalia is no indicator of character.

'Dear Lord, I really don't mind if they have a penis or a vagina, just don't let them be dull.'

Edenviolet · 07/03/2014 22:32

I have 2 dds and 2 ds. I had girl boy girl boy.

After dd1 and ds1 a neighbour said " ooh you can stop now as you have the set"!

lotsoffunandgames · 07/03/2014 22:34

It did bug me when I was pregnant loads of people assumed I wanted a girl as I already had ds but really I didn't care so long as it was healthy.I was totally paranoid something was wrong and the first thing I asked was 'is it ok?' I did have a girl and for ages people kept saying how nice it was I had one of each. But I don't see it like that.it would have been just as nice to have two boys. I think people just say it to make conversation, they don't mean it negatively.

ListenToTheLady · 07/03/2014 22:35

I have one of each and the main advantage IMO, and the only reason that I hoped to have a girl after having a boy, was to give them more difference from each other so they would not be "paired off" and told they were the same all the time.

And I totally admit that was informed by my experience of that happening to me as a child, feeling constantly seen as two peas in a pod with my sister and told we were alike (when I was absolutely sure I was nothing like her, and still think that - god did it piss me off). So I was projecting a bit, but I do think it saves them from that to an extent.

KnittingRocks · 07/03/2014 22:35

The thing is it is ultimately a daft (and sometimes very rude) thing to say - you get what you get and short of extremely expensive IVF treatment you can't choose!

So when people look all sympathetic at me and start telling me all the things I'm missing not having a daughter, wtf am I supposed to say/do??

I had a woman say to me at my younger son's gym, while he was doing some daring stunts on the trampoline, "I'm so glad he's not mine and I had girls" - WTAF????

I can't bear the smuggery and I suppose you do get a bit sensitive cos you hear it again and again and again and get sick to the back teeth of it.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 07/03/2014 22:37

I love having one of each, many of my friends have two of the same and although I would never make any comment about it I am so glad to have one of each and can't help feeling they must be missing out a bit.

KnittingRocks · 07/03/2014 22:38

Yes, we are missing out a lot whoknows, poor us eh? Smile

squoosh · 07/03/2014 22:39

But what are they missing out on? They have two children with their own personalities just as you do.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 07/03/2014 22:40

Well, as I said, it's an opinion I keep to myself in real life.

likeneverbefore · 07/03/2014 22:42

It makes me laugh when people with one boy and one girl say "Oh, boys are SO different from girls" or "girls are MUCH harder than boys" or whatever.

From their sample of, er, one boy and one girl. If you have one boy and one girls why on earth do you think that qualifies you to comment on 'boys' or 'girls' in the plural?

OpalQuartz · 07/03/2014 22:42

That's a shame Ledkr. I hope your relationship with your dd improves over time and that she doesn't know how you feel about her

likeneverbefore · 07/03/2014 22:43

Whoknows - I feel genuinely sorry for people who seem to think their children have more value purely for being the opposite sex to their sibling.

I say that as a mother of girls and a boy.

lotsoffunandgames · 07/03/2014 22:43

Deaky- cant believe someone would have 6 kids and keep trying for a poss 7! Awful. Tho my granddad wanted a boy so it was lucky he arrived after 4 consecutive girls!
Knitting rocks-I loved that my boy was and still is full of energy and wouldn't want to swap it for a boring kid who doesn't do stunts!

KnittingRocks · 07/03/2014 22:44

Grin liken, yes, kwym!

Friend on FB who was going on the other day about "girls are so much more independent than boys" based on her huge study of her son and daughter! My eldest is fiercely independent and my youngest (4 yrs) would quite happily still let me spoon feed him and carry him if I let him!

It's amazing the generalisations that get made though!

Brabra · 07/03/2014 22:45

I sometimes feel a little sad that my son will never know what it is like to have a brother and my daughter will never know what it is like having a sister, but for purely selfish reasons I love having one of each.

KnittingRocks · 07/03/2014 22:46

Smile lotsoff - tbh that's what I wanted to say to her! DS2 is amazing - bright, kind, creative, incredible risk-taker, funny and so on. His older brother is just as amazing but totally risk-averse, much calmer, more anxious, quieter so on.

I wouldn't swap either of them for anything!

Hoppinggreen · 07/03/2014 22:48

Because they are both different and I love them equally but in different ways.

squoosh · 07/03/2014 22:49

I have four brothers and never ever yearned for a sister.

The best you can hope for is that your kids grow up to really like each other as adults. My siblings and I do.

Jeregrette · 07/03/2014 22:50

I have two the same sex and wouldn't have it any other way.

Those with one of each will never know what its like to have two the same and I will never know what its like to have two of different sexes. But I don't feel I'm missing out. If anything I sometimes wish I'd stuck to one and envy people that do.

I hate all the fighting.

KnittingRocks · 07/03/2014 22:50

I agree squoosh - I have two brothers whom I adore and one sister who I have been estranged from for 6 years. My dh came from a "perfect" family of one boy and one girl and they barely speak.

There's so much more to a family than the gender of the kids!

likeneverbefore · 07/03/2014 22:51

I have one brother and yearned for a sister.

My brother and I have nothing a common and barely see each other now we are adults.

NearTheWindymill · 07/03/2014 22:56

I have one of each and think they are very very special and I am very very lucky. However for a very little while I had two boys and watched our ds2 die. I would have been very happy with two healthy boys or even with two boys who both survived.

Over the years so many people have said "oh you are so lucky, how perfect a boy and then a girl". I cannot explain how I have nodded and smiled and restrained the urge to tell them to eff off because they know nothing.

As you were. All children are a blessing.

KnittingRocks · 07/03/2014 22:58

So sorry for your loss near.

Puts life into perspective x

gutzgutz · 07/03/2014 23:05

Well I have two very different boys and I would ideally like a daughter just to experience it and also from what I have seen, a grown up sons relationship with his mother is different than a grown up daughter. But I am grateful to have two happy healthy DSs and I really hope they will be good friends as they grow up.