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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what is so good about having "one of each"?

179 replies

GoshAnneGorilla · 07/03/2014 22:01

There are many threads on here featuring the annoying comments said to mothers of boys or mothers of girls.

Mixed sex families never seem to receive such comments.

Also, if you're pregnant with DC2, people always assume that you want this child to be a different sex to your first - Why?

OP posts:
schoolvolunteer · 08/03/2014 16:44

You don't really need to ask that question surely?

People like symmetry I guess but it surely doesn't matter to you unless YOU feel you are somehow missing out by not having "one of each"??

As long as you are happy with your own situation that is all that matters. Life is too short to get het up about this stuff. Trying to work out why other people think the way they do is a complete waste of mental energy. Just enjoy the kid(s) you've got whatever flavour combination you have Grin

LaGuardia · 08/03/2014 17:49

I had my DS first then DD. My heart swells with pride when I get to tell anyone I have 'one of each and the boy arrived first'. It is what everyone dreams of especially men right?

Ledkr · 08/03/2014 17:54

laguardia do you think that parents of two boys or girls done feel that same sense of pride?

pumpkinsweetie · 08/03/2014 17:57

I have 5 dds and I get comments all the time but I ignore and carry on about my daily business as I think people use genders to make small talk.

Just today out with my girls and my 8wk old I got asked by a cashier whether I would keep on going until I got a boy. I just laughed it off and said no!

squoosh · 08/03/2014 17:58

Is it really what everyone dreams of? I'm so surprised that some people think that way. I'll have to survey my friends.

womblesofwestminster · 08/03/2014 18:15

can you explain what you mean please

I wish I could articulate it. Believe me I've tried many times before.

I see myself in my daughter so bond on a level of mirroring, if that makes any sense. Whereas with my son, the relationship is more 'exotic' for want of a better word. They're both deep and meaningful kinds of love but from different angles.

womblesofwestminster · 08/03/2014 18:17

pumpkinsweetie Be honest, were you trying for a boy? Five is a large amount of kids.

Mintyy · 08/03/2014 18:19

No it isn't LaGuardia. Stop being so goady.

Crowler · 08/03/2014 18:39

I think laguardia's post was possibly a bit ironic. I may be wrong.

pumpkinsweetie · 08/03/2014 18:51

no womble I wasn't I just wanted a large family. My family is now complete

brokenhearted55a · 08/03/2014 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nooka · 08/03/2014 19:03

I have a son and a daughter and I think I got a few 'aren't you lucky' type comments when they were small. In fact dh and I were convinced that dd was going to be a boy so it took us a while to get used to the idea of having a daughter.

My children are fantastic and I feel very proud of both of them (not sure how much credit I can really take though). I have been amazed by how stereotypical they have been at times as I was a firm believer that nurture was a stronger factor than nature and now I'm a little less sure, although as they have got older they have both enjoyed pushing the boundaries.

I do have different relationships with them, with dd it's more of a sharing of personal experiences, and as she is a teen some of that is very much about being a woman. My relationship with ds is a bit more combative, we have lots of pretty argumentative debates about the world and how people behave. I don't think that's because he is a boy though, it much more because we have fairly similar characters. I see a lot of myself in both of them.

The only thing I have observed is that I think there is less sibling rivalry between close in age girl/boy pairs as opposed to same sex siblings, but I'm happy to be told that's just to do with a small sample set.

HairyPorter · 08/03/2014 19:13

I get very annoyed by comments along the lines of 'you planned that well' or 'you were very clever to have done that' etc... Implies I wouldn't have been happy to have had two of the same when in fact it really doesn't matter. I don't know why people have a need to say such things though! I do say inane shit like 'that's nice' whenever I ask someone about their kids, and that is my blanket response to most people.

RVPisnomore · 08/03/2014 19:32

If everyone dreams of a boy and girl, and that the boy must come first then I can't know many of these people as that's the first time I have heard anything like that (thankfully!).

Writerwannabe83 · 08/03/2014 20:18

I've no idea.

My sister has one of each and it's a NIGHTMARE!!

They do nothing buy bicker and argue with each other!!
They obviously have nothing in common, seem constantly annoyed with each other and being in their company is hard at times!!

The more time I spend time with them as a pair the more convinced I am that mine and Dh's choice to only have one child is the right one Smile

FamiliesShareGerms · 09/03/2014 13:52

We got to choose whether to make it "one of each" when we adopted after having a birth son. As it happens, we did, for many reasons, including advice from SW that there is in general less sibling rivalry between boy / girl than both the same. And if you can choose to have one of each, why wouldn't you?

KnittingRocks · 09/03/2014 18:36

But womble, that's the bond with your son and your daughter - you can't extrapolate that to mean anything. I have very different relationships with my two because one is very like me and one is very different. I clash much more with the one who is very like me for obvious reasons!

The generalisations made on having two children are hilarious! Grin

KnittingRocks · 09/03/2014 18:37

Families, personally I would have chosen another boy (we thought we would be doing this too, as DS1 was IVF so no guarantee of a sibling) but that's my personal preference.

dimdommilpot · 09/03/2014 19:20

When i found out i was pregnant with dc2 my friend said "i think it will be another girl cos all the people i know recently have had 1 of each and i dont think you will be lucky enough to keep the trend going"!! As it happens i am having DD2 and couldnt be happier.

MIL is disappointed, ive told her to get over that before she arrives or she will have nothing to do with her.

OpalQuartz · 09/03/2014 20:40

What did she say in response to that?

ProlificPenguin · 09/03/2014 20:49

I would love one each. A little boy and a little girl would be perfect for me but if I get two girls then I won't love them any less.

MyBodyIsAtemplate · 09/03/2014 21:49

I have a different relationship with all of my kids. well older dss are grown up now and my dds are teens.

however the relationships I have with my dds are such that we are all women so have similar experiences of ordinary things like laddering tights, periods, hair disasters etc.

I can't share those with my lads but I adore them and are as close as I can be to them. but for me it's a different parenting experience.

MyBodyIsAtemplate · 09/03/2014 21:53

Writer that's sad. I too know families where the siblings are at each other's throats.

we always felt it was a very important part of our parenting to teach our kids to respect each other's differences and essentially to get on.

ours were funny as older 2 are 16 months apart and then there's 9 year gap and younger 2 are 16 months apart.

we didn't allow bickering as that affects all around and that's not fair.

happy2bhomely · 09/03/2014 22:07

I've got 2 sons and 3 daughters. I had a boy first, then a girl. Everyone thought I was crazy to want more children. As if any subsequent children would just be extra copies of the ones I had!

I then had another girl, then another boy. I got lots of 'perfect set' comments. People had no idea what to say when we were expecting number 5! She was a girl and we were thrilled.

I told people that I loved having daughters, just as much as I loved having sons. They are different, and my hopes and dreams are different for them all. I'm sure I would miss having either sex. I like that our family feels balanced. I do consider myself very lucky to have a mix, but I'm not sure why. I'm the eldest of 5 girls, and none of us longed for a brother or anything.

I get on really well with my sisters and Brothers in law. We socialise lots and our children are friends. I do hope that my children remain friends into adulthood.

Electryone · 09/03/2014 22:11

Womble can you only "see yourself" in a DD then, not a DS?

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