To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

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I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

oh, but when you figure out how to get a 7yo to occupy herself, please pass that on to me, that is our 8yo DD. Less so with me becuase i just leave her to it - i think its a good thing, she will then go and find something to do , but hte minute DP is home, she is constantly mithering him to play, its relentless

Have you tried Calms OP? They're herbal and help you sleep without putting you to sleep. I used them during uni finals when I couldn't sleep for stress! I got them from Boots.

I can't believe that people think it's unreasonable for a parent to not be getting up at 6 AM and that somehow children should dictate our sleep. when we're talking about helpless babies who are unable to be reasoned with and who need feeding/changing/comforting that is one thing, but a seven year old who can be reasoned with that 6 AM is actually not a reasonable time to be getting up I think that pandering to their wishes just turns them into spoilt brats who learn to always get their own way. And is it any wonder that there are so many people who talk about years of sleep deprivation when the prevailing attitude seems to be that the kids should call the shots because the little darlings can't possibly be expected to entertain themselves.

Op - can I ask a question which hasn't yet been asked? does your ex have a new partner and if so does she have children? I ask because if she is sharing her time with other children in another environment she may be coming back to yours and be used to being the centre of your world again iyswim hence her constant need for your attention. My ds is an only child, and I went through a period (not quite as bad but bad enough!) where he was coming back from xh's with the most god awful entitled attitude (he is eleven). After some careful talk (and some shouting on my part!) I established that part of the issue is that when he's with xh he does sometimes feel that he has to share all his time with xh's dp's dd iyswim, and when he comes back to me he goes back to being an only child and the centre of my universe (or so he thinks). He is obviously older and we talked it through, and the attitude has greatly improved since then. but I thought I'd offer that one up as a possibility. It still doesn't excuse the behaviour and it still needs dealing with, but it could offer an explanation.

I find myself keep thinking about this thread and a 7 year old standing outside your bedroom door in the morning with a whistle!

The first time any child of mine did that would be the last!!!! I'm staggered, to be honest.

Thing is - she LOVES tv! I restrict it obviously -so she loves it when she gets her chance in the evening. She has the perfect chance to sneak a little extra in the morning and won't take it up because she can't be bothered to learn the controls. I admit it's a little complicated as it's sky tv and needs two remotes though?

She's into making stuff and doodling/drawing. She has acres of this kind of stuff in her room, doesn't really touch them in the morn though. I've not bought a birthday present for any of dd's friends in years. I can simply go to her room and regift an unopened toy - that's how bad it is.

She likes reading - she has been attempting books independently recently which I'm really happy with. She does try to read a bit in the mornings.

I do sometimes just tell he to 'go away' in a nice way. Sometimes I just want to watch telly or talk to my mum on the phones. She's normally pretty ok with this as long it's during her TV time.

A typical weekend for me? Well I only have every other weekend as I share weekends with dad, so I make the most of them. We usually have get togethers with friends and their kids, trips to park, meals out, maybe a birthday party, cinema, walk in woods.

Sleeping- meh. Doc offered zopliclone last year and I took half a pack but found I came to rely on then a bit within that short time so stopped. That might have been in my head but I'm very afraid of addiction of anything so try to avoid. I usually do baths/lavender on feet/no telly etc if I 'know' I'm going to have a bad night. I also avoid tea in evenings etc.
I seem to be getting worse at sleeping as I get older. I used to sleep like a baby. Partner also snored so I've taken to wearing ear plugs but they make me panic a bit in case I can't hear dd call me in the night. Not that she does as such....but if she was sick or something.

Maybe teach her to make herself breakfast. Do it as fun. Only cereal, fruit, toast and a cold drink but go through the steps needed in the kitchen together and she might enjoy the independence and trust. Switch the power off to the appliances obviously, unplug and move the kettle out of sight before you retire. It has to be a safe environment. Alternatively both of you get her breakfast assembled before she goes to bed so she can help herself in the morning. Don't turn this into a battle because you can't win and you will hate yourself. Even if she complies with your rules you will loose something between you. Ask her how you can improve your sleep, tell her you sleep badly because you worry about her, draw her in and make her a helper not a hinderer, she wants to feel important, loved and secure. She will grow out of this phase but you might have to tackle it differently? Dvd's, TV etc.? She knows you are fobbing her off. She sounds an absolute darling and so intelligent, maybe you could extend her morning activities to putting out some cereal for you which you will wolf down even if you hate it obviously. And so on. Punative measures are a no no. She is not being bad she is being a 7 year old child who wakes and wants to be with her mother.

She has a two siblings in ex's house and me and my DP have none together so yes- she's an only with me. She's definitely not like this with ex, I know that for a fact and dd admits it.

I've tried Kalms for driving as I got a bit angsty about it a while back. Didn't find them helpful to be honest.

Standing outside a sleeping persons room with a whistle is a bit more than normal 7 year old behavior.

OP, have the issues surrounding the toilet been dealt with or is she still doing that?

Why don't you keep TV only for the morning so it is her only chance to watch it?

Yeah panda she is loads better with that now - wouldn't dare!

That's good to hear!

YANBU, by the way. I don't use food as punishment or reward, but with pancake day it is the special treat that is being used as a consequence, not the food itself. I think telling her she can have the treat next week after staying in her room until you come and get her is a good idea.

her behaviour is outrageous, by the way. My 6, 4 and 2 year olds stay in their bedroom in the morning until I come and get them. They have books and toys - the older 2 just get up and go to the loo then back to their room to play. Admittedly the 2 year old would probably come and find me if she didn't have the other 2 to play with, but the older 2 wouldn't. And the whistle - never mind shotuing, I'm amazed you didn't lose it completely and smack her (not that I agree with it, just could see the potential to lose it in that situation).

She has the perfect chance to sneak a little extra in the morning and won't take it up because she can't be bothered to learn the controls.

No, she shouldn't be 'sneaking' in tv watching. Either give her permission to watch it in the morning or not.

The best thing would be to say when you wake up you are not to wake me. I will come to you when it is time to get up. You can either stay in bed and read quietly to yourself or (quiet activity of your choosing) until I come for you.

Two choices is enough. You could even get her to decide the night before and get the activity ready to remind herself when she wakes up.

Also, tell her that if she breaks the rule there will be a consequence - this could be 'time out' or loss of some privilege.

If she follows the rule she could earn stickers for a chart and build up to a special treat for being so thoughtful of others and taking responsibility for herself.

I would definitely advise against this - Ask her how you can improve your sleep, tell her you sleep badly because you worry about her...

You sleep issues are not her problem and she should not be made to feel responsible for that.

Or this - ...some cereal for you which you will wolf down even if you hate it obviously.

It's time for some honesty. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You don't have to pretend to like food to get her to behave well. That would be more suitable for a 4 year old in a 'yum, yum, delicious cereal, you have some, sort of way'.

She is not being bad she is being a 7 year old child who wakes and wants to be with her mother.

She is old enough to know that she cannot disturb you during the night unless she is unwell or genuinely in need of comfort. Just wanting to play is not a good enough reason.

OP I know you only have her every other weekend, but you need to stop filling up the time for her. Let her be bored occasionally, else she's never going to be able to entertain herself and this morning cycle of wanting your attention won't change.

Kids need to learn how to play by themselves. Let her learn to use her imagination rather than expecting you to do it for her.

I think you really need to ask yourself who's in charge OP. Your DF is going to be the teen from hell if you allow this to carry on.

Op just wanted to offer a different view..I realise this must be exhausting and frustrating for you and she does need to learn how to respect your feelings and how you want her to behave..and I helpfully I have nothing else to suggest ...BUT.. She does sound a clever, colourful character obviously a bright little girl...just channelling her energies in the wrong way! Just wanted to inject a little positive ness into this debate ..bet you've got a future actress/ politician/ on your hands there! Definitely someone who knows her own mind!

I would go ballistic with my dd (8yo) if she woke me up at 6am for anything less than a major emergency!!

She knows to play quietly until about 8am (on the wends - during the week I am normally up before her tbh!) and then she will tiptoe in and ask if she can watch telly for a bit. I am a single parent and need my wend lie ins to recharge!!

So my point being yanbu and need to get much stricter with her in general. Getting my dd to play independently was always a priority for me and I think important for her, I will provide the toys and space but will expect her to get on and play independently.

Maybe plan a wend where you do nothing, allow her to be bored and allow her to have to find something to do - independently, without you prompting or suggesting anything. She should be able to entertain herself imo.

Haha yes she is funny. Even I can (now) see the funny side of the whistle. I should also add that when the whistle didn't work she pretended to 'imitate' an alarm going off outside her room.

Agree with you all about being stricter. This thread has been great. My DP brought home a clock tonight with a light on it - it's just a cheap one but she like the light and I showed her how to find 7 with the small hand etc. She missed out on pancakes. - not gonna lie, that was hard:/

Well done for following through OP.

You can see the funny side of the whistle?

Well done for following through, I know it's hard but it will benefit her in the long run.

But what time does she go to sleep at night.

Clam don't panic, funny side as in 'it's a story to tell in a few years of just how cheeky she can be. Of course I don't find it funny at 6am!
My dd went to bed without pancakes at 8pm. That's her bedtime every night. No deviation in the week. Weekends are more chilled.

See, I don't call that cheeky. Can you not see that you have a child here who is exhibiting worryingly poor behaviour?

I think she needs to go to bed earlier at 7 a child should get at least 10.5 hours sleep.

I would set a whole new routine and that includes weekends as well, if you can get her father to do the same even better.

My DS aged 7 is still wide awake, he will go to sleep around 11ish but he is ASD and being assessed now for ADHD. So I know the lack of sleep is a torture.

I hope you do get a decent amount of sleep when DD is on contact weekend.

Just a thought, but would you DP getting up with her make a difference.