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Original poster

To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

267 replies

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:42

I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

OP posts:
Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 21:49

DP isn't exactly hands on in that department - he's great and all but bedtimes etc aren't really his strength. I think 7 is too early for her though, sometimes she's wired to the wall at 9pm, or awake at 9.30 when I check on her. In fact one of her activities in the week only finishes at 7!

Clam, I absolutely don't think what she did today was funny, hence starting this thread. I'm not making excuses for her either, I'm bloody at the end of my tether, it's just that a small part of me can find it in me to imagine i might find tin-whistle gate funny in a while to come, you know? Standing outside my room like the fucking pied piper in her onsie? Just a tad?! Grin

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 04/03/2014 21:52

You have started a number of threads about your DD's behaviour. Sorry to be harsh but she sounds quite an unpleasant child. You might be at the end if your tether, but until you start challenging her behaviour it's not going to stop.

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 21:55

She isn't an unpleasant child. Some of her behaviours are unpleasant but she isn't.

OP posts:
MomOfTwoGirls2 · 04/03/2014 21:56

Hi OP, my TV can be tricky to work, involves 3 remotes, and the PS3 is attached, so the TV channel and audio channels sometimes need to be set back to the correct ones for watching TV.

It is second nature to my techie Dd1, but Dd2 (nearly 10) hasn't really mastered it. She always asks her sister to do it for her.. However, if she didn't have her sister do it for her all the time, she would have mastered it long ago.

My point being, she will 'remember' how to do it if she has to do it herself. But it may also be possible that she doesn't pick up exactly what to do without a bit of practice. It is intuitive for lots of children, but not to all children...

HadABadDay2014 · 04/03/2014 21:57

Would a parenting course help.

MamaSmurf99 · 04/03/2014 22:03

I can see the funny side. I have a similar aged dd who went through a phase of standing outside my door saying 'pssst' to attempt to wake me but not baby dd without realising her dramatic whispering is actually extremely loud. I did these things, and they worked:

  1. I sat down with her and explained that adults get tired too (I had the extra excuse of baby waking me at night) and that if I don't get enough rest then I won't have enough energy to do all the fun things we'd both like to do during the day.
  1. We discussed what she'd like the following day before bed. She'd plan what she'd like to do - I.e. Go to the park/library/feed the ducks etc. We then discussed what she'd do in the morning if she woke before me with the choice being her leap pad, tv, reading, audio book or an activity - like play doh, small world play, colouring, craft etc that we set up together the night before.

I restricted tv and leap pad to mornings before I woke only and found she enjoyed the pre-arranged activities a great deal as she had something to show me when I called her through. If she still woke me too early then the trip to park/library or whatever was cancelled.

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 22:05

I think a parenting course might be a good idea actually. Will look online

Your TV sounds like mine actually - is also hooked up to DP's games etc and is a 'smart TV to boot so has Internet capability so if she wants to watch a DVD or go onto love film she struggles, it's the not even trying that gets me though!

OP posts:
clam · 04/03/2014 22:46

I think that sounds like a good idea. Isn't this the child who puts her hand up to your face and tells you to shush?

I'd get on it right away.

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 22:50

Yeah she did last week. That was her first time and last. She went to bed early that night and knows exactly why. I've had a few months run of rubbish behaviour to be honest, hence the threads.

OP posts:
SingSongSlummy · 04/03/2014 23:05

Well done for following through OP. I have to say I was appalled by your post. My DDs are 2 and 4 and they know that they aren't allowed out of their rooms until I come to get them each morning (usually 8am). I've never yet heard a peep from the 2 year old and my (just turned) 4 year old is allowed out of bed to play quietly in her room at 7:45 when the bunny clock lights up and she does this perfectly. I am consistent with setting rules and following through with any discipline and it had paid off. On the other hand, I can also be quite shouty during the day and need to work on this!!

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 05/03/2014 07:09

Well folks, she did it again. Only half an hour this time but she did it again. I showed her the clock last night and how it had to say 7pm. She came in at 6.30. I told her she would be punished. Starting crying and saying she thought it said 7, and that it 'changed' .

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 05/03/2014 07:26

She clearly has very little respect for you, what's her punishment?

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 05/03/2014 07:41

She's adamant that she 'thought' the clock said xyz'. She dealt with it by, crying as hard as could in the landing, waking everyone, adamant that it was a mistake. I don't care.

OP posts:
Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 05/03/2014 07:42

Don't know what her punishment should be actually. I'm still reeling

OP posts:
LucyLasticBand · 05/03/2014 07:42

dont expect miracles op.
6/30 isnt too bad

how as your sleep?

LucyLasticBand · 05/03/2014 07:43

how was your sleep?

i dont think 6.30 is a big deal,
does she get herself dressed?

Thattimeofyearagain · 05/03/2014 07:56

This isn't about the clock, or the tv, its a battle of who is in control.
Get some strategies in place, do some research on parenting techniques, get help on board, choose a start date then shock & awe and stick to it.
Imagine her being this controlling as a teen !

Chippednailvarnish · 05/03/2014 07:56

It's not just the waking though is it? If she had gone back to bed quietly, it's a mistake, throwing a tantrum is trying to enforce her own way.

Chippednailvarnish · 05/03/2014 07:57

X post with that

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 05/03/2014 08:05

No 6.30 isn't too bad, but it's what she did afterwards....sobbing and indignation in the hallway, it's that that gets to me and that is the reason I will be dishing out a punishment. No way is she getting off with this one.

OP posts:
Morloth · 05/03/2014 08:20

She doesn't respect you at all.

Sobbing in the hallway? Utter bullshit, put your earplugs in and go to sleep.

She likes her TV time in the evening? Well you like your sleeping time in the morning. No sleeping time means no TV time.

Fucking hell, my kids would be afraid to behave like this and by the way I don't smack, but I do control all the lovely treats and fun stuff they get.

Fairenuff · 05/03/2014 08:21

Just as a little side thought, OP - I tend to call it a 'consequence' rather than a punishment because it sounds more like she has brought it on herself (which she has).

Also, there are good consequences for good behaviour and bad ones (in her eyes) for unwanted behaviour so she can learn that she is in control of how others treat her and also learn about responsibility.

These lessons will be really useful to her later in life and help her be happy as an adult.

Or, sometimes I call them 'sanctions' if I want to put on a Very Stern Warning expression Grin

Another good idea, is to tell her the consequence in advance. So, tonight, remind her that if she wakes you too early tomorrow she will (explain the consequence) and if she doesn't she will get her first sticker on her chart.

Ask her what she is going to do in the morning. Talk her through it. Wake up, check the clock, too early, go back to sleep, stay in bed, read quietly in bed or do a jigsaw puzzle - that sort of thing. Go through the whole process right up to receiving her sticker.

JammieCodger · 05/03/2014 08:31

Sounds like a very anxious little girl to me, perhaps with separation issues. I do agree you need to teach her to entertain herself, but perhaps more gently than some posters suggest.

Do you discuss what the sanction will be before she goes to bed, or do you just decide on a punishment in the heat of the (early) morning? Would you be happy if she came into your room when awake as long as she played/read quietly next to the bed and made every effort not to wake you?

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 05/03/2014 08:47

Sometimes I discuss punishments in advance but someone's I am spur of the moment admittedly. DP went in and spoke to her this morn and he does think she got the numbers mixed up but he is not happy at the way she tried to deal with it ( he is a very very calm person btw). He said she constantly tried to blame me, said I showed her the wrong numbers/didn't show her how to use it properly etc and was doing a lot of very very loud crying, so this is what she is getting punished for, as opposed to 'making a mistake' with the clock

OP posts:
Animation · 05/03/2014 08:50

Yes don't like the word punishment. Consequence is better.

She does sound anxious. Is she fretting? Are you seperated from her dad? If so has she adjusted to that OK do you think?

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