To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

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I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

I agree with those who've said you should follow through and not give her pancakes. I think it's important to follow through on things you have said. Otherwise where is the incentive to behave better the next time. And I definitely wouldn't say it's too harsh a punishment. If she has made you tired, you should not be obliged to go the extra mile for something she wants. Actions have (preferably related) consequences. It's important for children to recognise that and ideally I think punishments should be seen in that light.

a smacked bum is pointless nothing learned yeah a child will behave only because they have a sore bum and dont want another

So you agree this works?

I'm all for rewards and reward charts if a child's having to learn how to do something genuinely hard for them - however in this case I bet your daughter wouldn't try this on with her teacher! She understands perfectly well what you want, she just doesn't want to do it, and the whistle is plain rude.

I would leave pancake day cancelled and make the point that you don't have energy to spare to do nice things for her as you didn't have enough sleep this morning. And then write a clear rule and consequence as others have suggested, and if she breaks it, apply the consequence. No negotiating, no shouting, no discussion, it's all her choice. Possibly if she gets you up early she goes to bed earlier so you get an earlier night.

And y y y to whistle in the bin.

I have an 8 year old. I don't entertain anything apart from snuggling before 7.30 on weekdays. If he wants to get up at 6am he is more than welcome to read.

The whistle is just bonkers. Bin it.

What the above posters said. Yep, cancel pancakes. Nothing wrong with seeing a threat through. It's not like she's going to curl up in a ball and wither away. This isn't about compromise, guilt, or running a fair democracy. I think too often, we offer our kids 'choices'. You're the boss, lay down the law, draw a line in the sand. Show her lots of affection and cuddles, but when it comes to yanking your chain and making incredibly exhausting demands on you, lower the boom (not physically of course). But set strong, strong boundaries and remind her that there will be consequences as a result of her actions. And follow through with them. Take away a favourite toy for 3 days. Cancel a play date. Cancel pancakes! Bin a toy! Sounds awful right? But you have got to get back in the driver's seat. And stop buying 'babysitting' devices to entertain her. It's a waste of money and it's not working. I know this. I've been there! You have got to be the strong one. And it will hurt to be strong. The guilt you will feel will sometimes be unbearable. But trust me, the outcome will benefit you both enormously. I've been there with my now 12 year old when he was about 6 years old. It was a baptism by fire. He'd been a loving but very demanding little boy. And the hardest part was learning to set boundaries I had never set before with a child who did not know how to respond to this initially. It got a bit worse before it got better, but it was sooo worth it. Have a look at what your DD is eating, how much she is sleeping. Talk to her about stuff, school, friends, the daffodils, whatever piques her interest. Connect. It won't always work, but give it a go. But for heaven's sake, don't 'reward' good behaviour. Reward her for getting 100% on a spelling test or a special award she earned at school. But good behaviour should just be a given and encouraging this through bribery is a dead-end. Good luck!!

A penny has just dropped with me though - if she hasn't a clock at all atm, how is she supposed to know what time it is? By coming through and asking you? There is a flaw in that logic OP, I'm sure you can see it.

blahblahblah2014 a genuine question: i've seen you on a few threads of late...do you actually have children?

So you agree this works?

NO i dont agree it works at all I used to smack my child I learned quite quickly it served no purpose except give my child a sore bum no lesson learned

I would not have pancakes. You said you are guilty of not following through punishments. If you have pancakes tonight you are doing exactly the same thing.

And get a clock. I know she doesn't know the time in the mornings but being told to go back to her room and then blowing a whistle is wrong

I doubt the OP would have a problem if her daughter came in the bedroom for a hug in bed at 5-6am or came in and quietly did some drawing.

The issue is the noise.

Hi everyone. I've been at work so thanks for continuing to post. My logic, as it were is that I would come and get her during the week. At the end of the day, expecting her to stay in her room until 7.30 shouldn't be too much of a task given that she rarely wakes before 7-7.15 anyway. She only has to entertain herself for a short time but that's not ok with dd i guess. I know she doesn't have a clock but she knows that I will be the one to come and get her.
For weekends, it's more chilled. She can come into me to let me know she's awake, but I then send her back if it's too early. She tends to come in and out every 5 minutes though pleading for me to get up and telling me it's 'halfway through the day' at 9am. I don't let it bother me half as much at weekends though for obvious reasons.

What time does she fall asleep.

I think that as you said there would be no pancakes you have to carry it through now. My dad always said that you should be careful what you threaten as you have to carry it through (he was an "old school" teacher who demanded respect and got it). I was good at sticking to my guns with my DS but haven't been as consistent with my DD (I leap too quickly to "no" and then regret it) and boy, can am I reaping what I sow!

Maybe you could do a sticker chart and if she doesn't wake you for a week she can have them next Tuesday?

Just wanted to check- haven't seen mentioned that your daughter has siblings- if she is an only she may be scared of going downstairs on her own?

DS is still scared of being alone in the house and he is 7!

I would bin the whistle and buy the clock. In a couple of weeks if you stick to it she should be used to staying in bed till 7am.

Having said that, I think you need to sort your sleep out too as a priority- if I was only getting 2am till 7am I'd be ratty. Kids tend to be early risers - 2am is a really late bedtime when you have kids!

I agree that you need to bin the whistle and get a clock.

And you definitely need to follow through with any punishments,so no pancakes! Else she has no reason to change her behaviour. She'll know you'll just give in and carry on.

Dd is 7 and wakes at six but doesn't go down till seven. She has been taught this is how it is, she has an alarm clock and before she could tell the time knew not to move unless it started with a seven. She knows if she moves before this there will be trouble,we have agreed consequences, losing dancing on a sat, early bed, scooting to school.
Taking toys away doesn't work,she is my little stalker,sitting away from me is punishment enough.out of the house she is the most outgoing girl ever,just in the house she likes to know I'm there.
At seven, you're really going to need to work on ground rules.
Dd will quite happily come down on her own, put TV on,make cereal and a drink.we've biggeed it up as her being a sensible big girl, kids thrive on compliments.
As for the rage, l remove myself before it gets too shouty, that way I don't get wound up,removing dd winds me up more!

Having said that, I think you need to sort your sleep out too as a priority

Yes because for people with sleep problems it is just that easy!

I have insomnia- so I do sympathise. But I do take my tablets and I notice the difference when I do- much more able to cope without being shouty!

Lack of sleep is a killer, I have been there for many years

She tends to come in and out every 5 minutes though pleading for me to get up and telling me it's 'halfway through the day' at 9am.

Are you sure you are not expecting too much from her. To get up at 6am isn't that unusual at 7 years old, and I think a lot of children would get upset if there parent wasn't up and interacting by 9am on a weekend (and actually I feel the same - 9am is half way through the day for me too!!!). I personally, think it is too much to ask for a child to let a parent lay in until 7 each weekday and 9 at weekends without disturbance if they are an early riser naturally. Saying that, she could play more quietly than she does (the whistle is out of order).

But I may have mis-understood what you are saying. If so sorry.

When I speak of weekends being 9am - this is extreme and it's a lot more chilled in the sense that she is welcome to come in for cuddles etc. I don't allow her to wander around alone for hours or expect her to be silent, but really do you think she can't just watch a bit of telly? She will run downstairs and grab a snack or some cereal so I think she can come back up and turn on her tv. She won't though. My dd won't even turn over the channels while she's watching it during the day. Says she can't remember how, she kicks up such a crying fuss if I refuse to do it for her.

OP - I agree that all sounds very extreme behaviour re not turning over channels etc herself.

Tackle the behaviour through the day and I expect you will see far more independence in the mornings. Refuse to do the channels or turn on the tv. She will soon learn!!!!

Don't let food be taken out of the dining area and that sorts that out.

I think you need more rules in the day.

And let her cry when you refuse to do something for her. You are in charge. A bit of crying won't hurt her.

She may just not be that into telly though. Say she wakes at 6am. Reads for half an hour. Watches half an hour tv. That still only takes her to 7am which is 2 hours short of your getting up time at a weekend. I can see that could lead to bad behaviour. One of my dds doesnt do telly and is very active. Some people just can't sit and watch lots of tv.

OP you mentioned that you get very shouty. I'm like that if I get woken early too but have found that it just inflames the situation. Nobody is going to be calm and quiet if there's been yelling.

As others have suggested, I'd supplement the telling offs and punishment with rewards for good behaviour. How about one step at s time - if she stays in bed until 6.30 she'll get a nice treat later that day / weekend. And then gradually move the time forward?

You definitely need to get her a clock so that she can see for herself whether she is doing what you expect of her. Good luck!

Gosh, let her cry then! Because you won't turn over the tv? She sounds totally entitled. Do you actually turn the channels over for her?

OP you need clear rules and clear consequences for breaking the rules.

Follow through every single time.

So if you said no pancakes, that means no pancakes.

It's very simple and children learn very quickly if you stick to it.

If you don't you just teach them that you don't mean what you say and they can't trust you. That in turn can make the child insecure and have self esteem issues which will have a continuing negative impact on her behaviour.

It snowballs whichever direction you take it.

Make the smart choice, take control and change her behaviour now by changing your behaviour first.