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AIBU?

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Original poster

To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

267 replies

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:42

I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

OP posts:
Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 18:09

Ok I'm not doing pancakes

I'm getting a clock

I don't turn over the telly. I used though, stopped that a while back!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 04/03/2014 18:09

Sorry but you are enabling this entitled behaviour! Why do you turn the channels for her, let her cry, throw a tantrum till she realizes that you aren't giving in. Seriously she is 7 years old, she is heading for a lot of issues down the line.
Her need to be entertained every minute is concerning. Is she this exhausting with other people? Does she have friends?

itsbetterthanabox · 04/03/2014 18:11

Buy her a clock and tell her not to come in before a certain time.
Tell her to go downstairs and put the tv on.

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 18:22

I think maybe she's going to bed a bit early. It seems a bit much to expect a clingier type of 7yr old to spend an hour on their own. It's not her fault you sleep badly so you just need to adjust your head around a 6am wake up if later bed doesn't work.

Regarding the rest of her behaviour I would try and get there first and instigate doing things with her, go and cuddle her lots. Then when you don't want to be doing things with her make sure you are genuinely busy doing something else.

I also think she sounds like she's frightened on her own so I'd work on that gradually.

Expecting her to potter about for up to three hours at the weekend seems a lot. Can you get her to play at a friend's house so you can have a rest if you need it that badly?

Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 18:33

Yeah perhaps are too much for her then. I'll have to get up earlier.

OP posts:
Original poster
nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 18:35

Reagan do you really think I always have to be genuinely busy doing something else if I don't want to do something with my dd? Eg read a book, talk to my DP, watch tv?
I honestly think this is what's got my dd to where she is now, I am always always filling up her time for her.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 04/03/2014 18:38

No of course you don't OP. She is seven for heavens sake!

You can tell her that you are going to read your book quietly for half an hour and she is to amuse herself. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

As for talking with your dp, if she won't leave you alone to chat then that is just bad manners and she needs to know it.

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 18:41

I think it would be a good device to get her in the habit of bring a bit more independent.

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 18:41

Being

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 18:43

There's no point in saying 'you can tell her you are reading for a bit' if this doesn't actually work.

SometimesLonely · 04/03/2014 18:43

I forgot it was Shrove Tuesday today. I meant to make pancakes for myself .......

I know two young children who are allowed to put on the television in the sitting room early in the morning (6.30am-ish) without disturbing anyone to enable their mother and father to do things stay in bed. I don't see why the OP's DD can;t be persuaded to do something like that.

Animation · 04/03/2014 18:44

Wondering what you could do about your sleeping problem as well if you're not getting off until 1-2am?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 04/03/2014 18:46

I can't believe you sit at work thinking she'll be preoccupied at school - as if!

It sounds like she's being set up as the perfect sterotypical spoilt brat kid at the moment, (sorry :() but it's great that you want to tackle it.

she's clearly not really bothered by the tv. Does she have lots of books/drawing stuff in her room she can use? Does she actually have any interests? What's she into?

Fairenuff · 04/03/2014 18:47

There's no point in saying 'you can tell her you are reading for a bit' if this doesn't actually work.

Of course there is a point! The child has to learn who is in charge. Half an hour is a reasonable time for a 7 year old to amuse themselves.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 04/03/2014 18:47

What would be a typical weekend day for you/her then?

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 18:49

I thought it sounded like the OP does say this and she carries on pestering her. Great if not, though.

Fairenuff · 04/03/2014 18:52

Yes, Rogan, that is what is happening at the moment which is why OP posted for advice on how to change this, rather than allowing it to continue and for the problem to grow bigger.

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 18:56

I'm still missing something. I thought the daughter won't be occupy herself. By saying 'tell her to' doesn't really fix it to my mind. I would rather she was happy to be on her own, rather than just being told to go away.

Fairenuff · 04/03/2014 19:01

That's why there has to be a consequence for the unwanted behaviour Rogan.

RoganJosh · 04/03/2014 19:03

A consequence for not playing on her own? I couldnt do that. It seems mean. I also don't think it will work as it's making being on your own seem like a punishment.

But we all do things differently.

Fairenuff · 04/03/2014 19:06

No, a consequence for not doing as you're told. For breaking a rule.

How do you think schools cope when they have 30+ seven year olds iin their class who would all rather be playing?

It's not cruel. In fact, quite the opposite. Allowing this behaviour to continue will make life very difficult for this child.

clam · 04/03/2014 19:12

Whilst I would agree that food shouldn't be used as a punishment, I think pancakes on Shrove Tuesday is a different issue. That's an optional extra. Ditch it.

This isn't about telling the time, or daylight clocks or waking early because of a, b or c. The whistle is proof of that. She's being a madam.
What on earth are you doing begging/pleading with her? She's 7 years old. You're the adult. TAKE CHARGE!!!!

IamRechargingthankYou · 04/03/2014 19:12

Coming in at the tail end of this - if you've already resorted to begging and pleading have you thought of the Fire-Breathing-Dragon approach? Just give a little deranged performance of what a sleep-deprived person turns into after a prolonged period, abruptly halt and with steel in your eye say "now you don't want a mummy like that do you?". It was the whistle outside the door (which is a good one - to dd's credit).

fuzzpig · 04/03/2014 19:13

Regarding the fact that she doesn't play with any of her toys - in that case, get rid of a lot of them. It may be that she has too many and by having less she will appreciate them more :)

LEMmingaround · 04/03/2014 19:20

I think the problem is yours rather than hers (i mean this kindly). 6am is early although my DD often gets up at that time, DP gets up with her, goes down then sneaks back up when she is watching tv

I think you need to adress your sleep issues, why don't you sleep well? what have you tried to break the cycle?