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Original poster

To cancel Pancake Tuesday?

267 replies

nocontactforevermore · 04/03/2014 08:42

I posted on here the other day my dd's behaviour. She keeps waking me up really early in morn, bursts into my room at all hours. This morn she came in at 6. I sent her back to her room, so she stood outside it with a whistle instead.

I have tried everything (aside from buying her one of those special clocks) She always claims she just wants to know what time it is, what time I'm getting up. She has a room full of toys, just will not entertain herself. She is pretty much like that when she's awake as well. I was so frustrated this morn that i burst into tears. I've pleaded with her, begged even. I don't sleep well as it is.

I've told her she can't go to her activity and pancakes are off. I am guilty of not following through with what I say. Is this too harsh a punishment?

OP posts:
blahblahblah2014 · 04/03/2014 12:47

people just can't handle dishing out discipline thesedays. No wonder they grow up to be entitled little madams with no respect for elders

blahblahblah2014 · 04/03/2014 12:49

Tell her she can have pancakes every day if she's quiet in the morning

Why should she put hereself out rewarding a child for not being naughty? Rewards are for good behaviour, not normal behaviour

mrsjay · 04/03/2014 12:50

what is these days I always wondered what these days were as when i was bringing up children folk were saying these days back then too Confused

fs2013 · 04/03/2014 12:51

Fair enough Kerosene maybe I didn't read it properly. If that's the case then I guess sanctions/rewards are the best way forward.

Blahblahblah2014 you need a chill pill

blahblahblah2014 · 04/03/2014 12:51

this generation of mums

pictish · 04/03/2014 12:52

Spare the rod and spoil the child eh Bleurgh?

Goblinchild · 04/03/2014 12:52

How true, mrsjay. How very true.
There are lamentations from ancient Greek and Roman parents and teachers about the youth of today and the lack of respect.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/03/2014 12:52

So your solution is beat the little girl until she goes to bed and stays there?

blahblahblah2014 · 04/03/2014 12:53

just really aggrivates me when people can't handle simple discipline issues with their own children. How on earth can you not handle something so simple like this issue?

chicaguapa · 04/03/2014 12:53

Why should she put hereself out rewarding a child for not being naughty? Rewards are for good behaviour, not normal behaviour

If you want to change behaviour, you have to reward the desired behaviour, whether it's normal or good. It doesn't have to continue for evermore. Just until the behaviour has changed and the bad habits have been broken.

mrsjay · 04/03/2014 12:53

but i was THAT generation of mums and people were saying it,

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 04/03/2014 12:53

Hope you have removed the whistle?

And hidden/chucked it?

My DS used to do this, but we taught him to tell the time, and put a cheap clock in the hall outside his room, and if he got out of bed/woke anyone up/ before 7 we'd say "That means you go to bed early too."

ie, getting up at 6 instead of 7, meant going to bed at 7 instead of 8. Not in an angry way, just saying this was how it was.

We followed through.

It was sorted after a few weeks.

Good luck! And do the pancakes tomorrow :)

blahblahblah2014 · 04/03/2014 12:53

a smacked bum isn't a beating now is it

bronya · 04/03/2014 12:55

It sounds like your attention is the thing she wants more than anything - more than toys, or trips out. Getting up early gives her more time with you; even if you're cross with her she still gets to see you. Can you slow your life down a little when you're with her - chill out and do some drawing, listen to her tell you about her friends, the games she likes to play and whatever has interested her lately. Ask her opinions about things, go for a walk and chat, a picnic in the park on a sunny day and a game of catch. Slow down, and get to know her thoughts, her feelings, her hopes and dreams (and yes, at seven, she will have all these).

Of course she needs to learn she can't come in until your usual time for getting up - but she'll just be naughty until she gets what she needs, because any attention is better than none. My one year old can turn the TV on - and it takes two remotes to do so. Of course she can, but if she asks you, then it's more attention, isn't it?

mrsjay · 04/03/2014 12:55

a smacked bum is pointless nothing learned yeah a child will behave only because they have a sore bum and dont want another

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/03/2014 12:56

You said a 'wholloping'. I assume you mean 'wallop'; to hit very hard/a heavy blow or punch.

So we're punching naughty children?

LingDiLong · 04/03/2014 12:56

Seriously, you don't need an 'expensive contraption', my kids learned that 'a 7 a 0 and a 0' on their Tesco Value digital clock was getting up time. We worked up to that from 6am though as they were also very early wakers.

whois · 04/03/2014 13:03

She sounds like a freaking nightmare in the morning. Blowing the whistle was out and out being a naughty little terror.

Get her a digital clock. Write on bit of paper next to it 07.00 and a smiley face and tell her she can come and get you once there is a 07 at the front.

Show her how to turn on the TV once more and then never turn it on for her again. FFS my 18 month old nephew has taught himself how to turn the TV on!

Show her how to get some cereal or something as she might be hungry (I am when I wake up).

I do think rewards/star chart/house points might help, but there also need to be serious concequences for behaving so unacceptably in the mornings. If she wakes you early could you try totally not engaging? Maybe get up and get her some breakfast but don't speak to her or really interact? Just say 'mummy is too tired to talk because you woke me up before 7'

I also agree with chilling out a bit at the weekends, go for some long hikes or something for some nice bonding time then chill at home. Less with the entertainment.

I think there is a general lack of respect though. I can not imagine ever having been so disrespectful to my lovely mum and she wasn't a shouty mum or a smacker, she just had a decent amount of authority!

somedizzywhore1804 · 04/03/2014 13:11

To echo what others have said about the clock and writing the time etc how about getting some cheapo analogue clocks (like the ones you get in schools.... IKEA do them for about £3) and sticking them to various places with a picture of a clock at 7 o clock. So she could have one in her room, one in the bathroom, one stuck on your bedroom door, one downstairs by the telly etc. next to the clocks you could have the sanctions if she comes in before 7am written clearly in red.

I know it sounds like overkill but constant visual reminders might make it hit home.

Remotecontrolduck · 04/03/2014 13:20

You've had mainly good advice here. You need to come down on this quickly and hard, or things will escalate. Having a child with no respect for your authority will be an absolute disaster as she gets older.

Buy a clock, tell her she must stay in her room until 7, no exceptions. She has toys and a DVD player, she is not hard done by. Explain that you need sleep and it is wrong to be rude and stand outside your door making noise. Use a firm tone of voice but don't shout as you do it a lot and she's probably not that bothered by it. If she chooses not to listen then there will be severe consequences (removal of any items/activity which is important to her). Don't back down on today's punishment.

This would infuriate me and I'm fairly laid back. It's just totally rude and disrespectful at age 7. You can get this sorted now, get some more sleep and hopefully will be more calm throughout the day for her.

Definitely stop doing things like turning the TV on and constantly entertaining her though. She will learn how to entertain herself rapidly I promise after a few tantrums.

NannyAnna · 04/03/2014 13:28

No cancle pancake day, Christmas and birthdays, she's doing this as she knows it's agrivating you and upsetting you and you are giving her attention for it. She needs to learn to be on her own, it's not unreasonable for a 7 year old to wait in bed til 7.30am. It's tough! You need your sleep and you need to come up with some consequences for her otherwise this won't stop.

NannyAnna · 04/03/2014 13:29

No cancle pancake day, Christmas and birthdays, she's doing this as she knows it's agrivating you and upsetting you and you are giving her attention for it. She needs to learn to be on her own, it's not unreasonable for a 7 year old to wait in bed til 7.30am. It's tough! You need your sleep and you need to come up with some consequences for her otherwise this won't stop.

CalamitouslyWrong · 04/03/2014 13:37

Do people really view Pancake Tuesday as akin to birthdays and Christmas? Every day's a school day.

RescueCack · 04/03/2014 13:58

For goodness sake don't give her pancakes after you've TOLD her she isn't getting them! Way to convince her it's not a big deal!!

Sounds like you've got into a cycle of her not taking you or your feelings seriously. If you back off now and give her pancakes for dinner, you may as well just tell her she's right.

If you really have pancake guilt (?!?!) tell her she can have them next tuesday after a week of staying silently in bed until 7. And stick to that.

If she guilts you about her dad, ignore, ignore, ignore. Literally do not respond to those statements. Change the subject. It's manipulation pure and simple.

RescueCack · 04/03/2014 13:59

This is not using food as a punishment, by the way. Pancakes are a treat like sweets. Sweets aren't real food, they're just a treat. She's lost a treat.

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